Was my boyfriend a Sociopath?
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Is my partner a sociopath, narcissist, psychopath or some other type of exploiter? › Was my boyfriend a Sociopath?
October 19, 2016 at 11:28 am #23896
I am so glad I found this site. I am dealing with so much emotional pain and need help clarifying my situation.
My ex boyfriend and I met when I was 14 because our families are really close – he was so sweet and funny but things did not work out and we didnt see each other again until I was 28.
Immediately he started telling me how crazy he is about me and how all these years he could not stop thinking about me, how he would avoid places where I would go because he couldnt be around me knowing things didnt work out etc etc. I believed him and started a relationship with him.
He was charming , he entered my home and sat both my parents down and told them how much he loved me and wanted a serious realtionship with them, no one has ever done this before in my life. Speaking to all his family and friends they all told me how he’s never been like this with any other woman , they knew he was a serial dater and could never keep a woman long enough but he was different with me and everyone noticed it.
Our relationship was great, he was so sweet , supportive and did everything possible to help me. When I was out of work he gave me money and gifts and never asked for a dollar from me. He explained how he wanted to show me off to the world adn post pics of me on social media (we had been social media friends for years and he had never posted pics with a woman before so i felt honored)
I asked him if we could wait until marriage for sex after already having sex once and he agreed and was totally supportive , he never pressuered me or treated me bad, he never talked down to me and never treated me wrong. He did however want to control me and my outings with my friends and wanted to spend all his free time with me.
I started to notice how he was lazy , he wouldnt go to work for weeks at a time , but when he did work he worked hard.
In the summer we went on vacation back to our country where we first met when we were 14 and where he grew up and i noticed that he loved being there , that eventually this is where he wanted to live. I paid for our flights to go there and i had to beg for that money back … also a few months later we went back to our country when a mutual family member died , i paid for that flight too and it took him FOREVER to pay me back I had to basically fight with him everyday to pay me back. While at the funeral I noticed he didnt cry and didnt really care about the death of this very close family member.
Finally we broke up because i started to feel like he didnt accept me for who I am , happy and outgoing . he loved to party and loved the same music as me but wasnt hyper unless he was around his own family and he hated how social I was and I couldnt take it anymore.
BUT for my birthday I wanted to celebrate it back in our country and he begged me to let him come along , I agreed but a few days before we were leaving he got locked up for unpaid childsupport , i bailed him out because he said he had the $$. We left to our country for my birthday celebration and i kept asking him for the money but he had so many excuses. While in vacation though he showed me with gifts adn told me how much he loved me etc. Then i found out he did not buy a return ticket home , i asked him how come and he said he wanted to stay longer and I said what about the money he owes me and again just like every other time he owed me money he was very disconnected and just didnt care.
Its been 3 months and hes still in our country , at first i cried and fought with him every single day. His family all find it to be so weird that hes still over there as if hes hiding from something .. child services called me and hes still hasnt paid his child support since I bailed him out so now he owes even more money .. I decided to give up he told me I was never going to leave him and that i need to stop crying bc Im never going to leave him . So I blocked him and just stopped talking to him , he made few attempts to contact me and actually sent someone to send me a message accusing me of cheating on him .. i ignored it .. I continued to have him blocked thinking it was going to hurt him but to my surprise (& everyone else in my family and his) he started to date another woman and replaced my pictures with hers all over social media. She is a young girl from our country who doesnt have a job or go to school and he moved her into his parents house in our country and everything . The SHOCK the emotions are all so crazy I dont know whats happening or what happened.
What happened to all the love he said he had for me ? How is he quickly in love with another woman who cant amount to the woman I am in any way. How can he just plaster her photos all over the internet with out embaressment of how close our families are, how my parents opened up thier home to him ? how he OWES me and the state money?!
I see he has alot of characteristics like the ones mentioned on this site , but even his own family said they have never seen him so in love like he was in love wtih me… he did a complete change for me but through out our realtionship he was a liar , i caught him in so many lies, hes not smart and tries to outsmart me with his lies but they never worked. he is finally a mess , owes so many more other people money and now he’s living with a random woamn that according to everyone that knows him and was around him in our country he basically just met.
Im scared, Im hurt, Im confused , we were so close we were best friends , he never used me for anything until the end .. can sociopaths show up a year later? He was so giving through out our relationship anything he has that was his was mine , he put my feelings first always , always wanted to make me happy , anything I wanted I got , he spoiled me with everything ….
im so confused and I felt like maybe he was with this other woman out of spite but reading what a sociopath is i feel like he never cared about me , like he used me bc he knew i came from a good family and have a good career and he kept always saying how proud he is to call me his girlfriend.
this is long im sorry
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