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Sociopaths and Crying/Empaths and Apaths

This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  passiel 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #23468

    Back2BeingMe67
    Participant

    I am in the process of a long and protracted divorce with a man whom I have been married to for 16 years and I now believe is a sociopath/cluster B. While I wish it were over I am actually thankful because it has only been through time that I have been able to see his behavior through a different lens. Just this weekend I read my first article that raised the topic of empaths and apaths. I am, of course, a full-blown empath and now some of his “secret” relationships which I never understood before are clearly apaths. That identification was a huge step for me. It also helps me understand why perhaps he chose a very cold first wife and why she figured him out in less than half the time that I did. She wasn’t clouded by empathy. She said, “I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t care enough to figure out what it was.” That made me sad at first, that she cared so little and then I realized I suffered more at his hands because I cared too much.

    But this raises a question I have regarding how a sociopath reacts to crying. Throughout our marriage my husband absolutely would become enraged if I cried during our very explosive arguments. No matter what he said to me, I was never suppose to cry, if I did it made things worse, but he would say such mean things, it was very hard to.

    He always said, “Crying is emotional manipulation!!” I now see that should have been a red flag, because crying in such situations is normal, not manipulative.

    So do sociopaths hate to see other people cry? Has anyone had this experience? Is it because they can’t feel that it makes them so angry when others cry? I am really trying to figure this out.

    In 16 years I probably saw him cry at “normal” things like deaths and funerals, 2-3 times and now I wonder if he just did that because he knew he should. The thing I can’t figure out is why he did cry watching certain movies “Field of Dreams” and “Hoosiers” to name two and TV shows like Modern Family. (That one I thought could make sense because he loathed his own family.) I would think crying from movies or TV shows would indicate his ability to feel but, maybe not.

    Any input would really help me.

  • #23476

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    BAcktoBeingMe67 – Many sociopaths can cry on demand. It is never authentic. Rather, it is as you suggested – they cry during events like funerals because they figured out intellectually that it was the appropriate thing to do to appear human.

    I have heard of sociopaths crying at movies and TV shows, but I haven’t heard a good explanation for that. But again, I doubt that it is authentic.

    As far as anger when you cried – they often express anger at any type of emotion in the partner they’re victimizing. One of the ways sociopaths control their victims is to narrow the range of emotions that you’re “allowed” to feel. My guess is that’s what he was doing – enforcing control over you.

  • #23483

    BeautifulMess
    Participant

    My soon to be X, also hurt me, then claimed my tears were manipulation. Now as I am fully aware of him and his ways, he cries all of the time, at first, as a Empath it would pull me back in, I’d let him back in to hurt me yet again. But now, I fully understand why he had claimed over the years that my tears were just manipulation, as that is exactly what he uses his tears for on me. I’ve learned that they tell you who they are, by what they claim you are. Telling us that WE are Crazy, being the most used! Because they know, that they in fact are bat shit crazy!

    • #23512

      Back2BeingMe67
      Participant

      Beautiful mess – you hit the nail on the head. You are right. There were so many times he let behind the curtain – the one I didn’t know existed. He would say “If you knew who I was, you wouldn’t like me” or “I wish I had met you when I was younger.” or “She saved me.” “I f-ing hate you, I need to get away to figure out why I hate you.” or the best “You were the one, you were always the one” (that one said SCREAMING at me.)

      So it makes sense when he said tears were manipulation it’s because that is how he used them. He would always accuse me of what he was guilty of “You have to be the center of attention” “It’s always about you” “You can’t be friend with en because they will always want to have sex with you.” “You love chaos.” All projection.

      Thank you for helping me see through another lens.

  • #23501

    need2heal
    Participant

    My ex BF, whom I believe to be an extreme narcissist, (my friends label him sociopath) actually TOLD me he knew how to make himself cry if he needed to! Only once, very early in our relationship did he tear up, trying to show a soft side about some story that I’m sure was B.S. to suck me back in. And, BeautifulMess, My guy would often tell me I was bat shit crazy! I wasn’t before I met him but I am now!! Working on getting my sanity back!

  • #23502

    BeautifulMess
    Participant

    I’m a Christian, it’s most likely the only thing that has kept me from taking my own life, as I can’t even begin to tell you what the last 7 years of our 13 year marriage has been like, it is so bad, it would sound like a made for TV movie.
    Anyway… My soon to be X-NarcBoy, showed up at my house 10 days ago, upset, crying, saying he has learned so much, God has helped him to see his lessons. I was sucked in yet again. But this time, I called him out on the gas lighting, set boundaries, spoke my feelings and my thoughts, didn’t cave when he bullied me. He only lasted less than a week before I was discarded again, I was told he can’t deal with MY EMOTIONS, anymore because I cried seeing my 11 year old German Shepherd for the first time in 6 weeks, unable to walk on his back legs anymore. I was told MY CRYING just reminded him of all the crying I did over the last 2-3 years, after finding out about his numerous affairs throughout our whole marriage, and he can’t take it anymore, he can’t take MY CRYING ANYMORE! After him being in tears that whole week, as I held him.
    It’s ok, I’m ok, I’ve almost become numb to the pain of his discards. They once left me in a emotional ball in bed for 2-3 months after he left, each time has been less and less. This time only one day in bed watching two seasons of “Girls” on HBO, and now I’m just fine again. Even went on a blind date tonight.
    As bad as this is to say, I’m allowing him to think he has tore me up again, so he THINKS, I will be to broken to still file our Divorce papers on Monday. NOT, I’m filing and raising the amount of alimony I will be asking for. That will Send him spinning!
    He used not only fake tears, but he also used GOD to worm his way back in this time. I’m still a very caring person, I’m still a Christian, I’m still a Empath, but NOW, I’m Much Stronger than he has ever seen me. He USED GOD! I will never give that NarcBoy another chance, He will NEVER see MY TEARS ever again. His ugly Soul feeds off of me, every time I’m doing good, getting back on my feet, he comes back and feeds off of my energy, until I drop. But this time, my plan is to starve him out, he will never feed off of ME again!
    Divorce papers and Alimony on Monday.. He can cry Me a damn river, but I’ll still just walk on by, with my head held high, and not one tear will be shed for him!
    Bye, Bye NarcBoy 💀🔫!

  • #23513

    passiel
    Participant

    My most recent ex narcopath often accused me of emotional manipulation / blackmail / extortion. I never once considered he was projecting on to me. Thank you for that thought.

    I never saw him cry or heard emotion in his voice. He would sometimes text something emotion wrought but never in speech. When his mother died a few months ago he told me he spent the day crying, however, I never heard the swollen sinus thing in his voice, never heard his voice waver, never pause a moment to collect himself – in fact he very humiliatingly discarded me just days after her death for another woman we’d met spending time together the day after his mother’s death. He told me he was hurting too but just weren’t good for each other. This was the way it had to be. Then there was nothing but scorn, anger and derision in his voice when he told me how pathetic and disgusting I was. I finally told him that he did not feel emotions that other people did. (I did not know the reality behind narcissists and sociopaths at the time. I am horrified to prove myself right on that count). He was more shocked and surprised than I have ever seen anyone be after that statement and denied it but I could tell it shook him. I was always *too* something. Too drama, too sensitive, too emotional. He wanted me to not care about people’s feelings and ‘just have fun’. Yet nothing was fun unless he was the one proclaiming and controlling it.

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