So I was wondering what this website's stance on us Aspies is?
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › So I was wondering what this website's stance on us Aspies is?
August 10, 2016 at 10:09 am #23206
Okay, so I am a man who has experience with emotional abuse from people who had what I believe to psychopathic traits. I am also very obsessed with them as it is my Autistic Obsession. I watched the movie Home a few weeks ago and I diagnosed the leader of the Buu (the alien race which invades Earth) as a Psychopath of some sort.
I love modern cartoons…
The fact is the abuse I have received throughout my life with my father’s anger management problem relating to abuse in his own childhood and actually going back to his father’s father who was basically a drunken redneck who beat his wife and did things we would consider very bizarre and hateful in our Politically Correct World.
I have basically run into a lot of people who mess with my emotions then turn it around and say I am manipulating them. And I am wondering if these people maybe have some personality traits I should be concerned about or if this an NT thing.
Another thing I am concerned about is I am trying to start dating and I don’t know how to recognize if someone is trying to abuse me or take advantage of me. And I took the test here and discovered I was actually very vulnerable.
I just need to know if you guys will help me or just single me out?
August 11, 2016 at 2:47 pm #23233
Grey cat – welcome to Lovefraud. We recognize that people on the Autism spectrum are not exploiters. And don’t feel bad if you don’t know how to spot someone abusing you (yet) or that you scored as vulnerable – most people don’t know how to spot potential abuse, and everyone is vulnerable.
I recommend that you keep reading to educate yourself about the Red Flags of Love Fraud – signs that someone is pretending to love you in order to exploit you.
Also, we had folks with Aspergers/Autism post on Lovefraud in the past, and they said that they were able to sense, even smell, the predators. So if you sense someone is dangerous, go with your instincts.
October 16, 2016 at 3:20 pm #23872
you aren’t the only person here diagnosed with Asperger’s (i have been). i do think it makes me more vulnerable. it’s also really hard to be prepared for a psychopath if you’ve never had a relationship with one (at least in my opinion). i knew a LOT about psychopaths from a clinical standpoint, but i still got sucked into a “love” relationship. They are manipulative beyond comprehension.
i would just get a lot of support from people who do have experience dating, and talk about your dating experiences as much as you can with your support group. remember that statistically, you are less likely to run into a psychopath than an NT, but even coping with NTs can be trying and tiring and i’ve always needed a fair amount of help. if you tell people about your experiences with someone you are dating, and they wrinkle up their nose and say “that doesn’t seem right” then pay attention, especially if you get more than one reaction like that.
there are some basic things about psychopaths that have helped me stay safer:
1) they come on very strong with compliments and such in the beginning, and want to move into the relationship quickly.
2) they frequently “open” with a sad story of their childhood. healthy NTs, if they have a sad backstory, will not make it the first thing you know about them. they won’t tell you about the childhood abuse, or the bad relationships, or whatever–not right away. this is not being dishonest, it’s having healthy boundaries. they wait until they get to know you and trust you before sharing intimate details. plus–he/she is really teaching you about themselves. this is how they talk about ex-partners. this is how they deal with problems–in the case of psychopaths and narccisists, it’s blame, blame, blame. psychopaths never think they are responsible for anything.
likewise–learn to not be an open book. if you tend to share a lot of personal detail early when you meet new people–learn to withhold that information. this is something i’ve had to learn, because as an Aspie i tend to just blurt things out. i can’t change how i think or what i say exactly, it’s just how i’m wired, but i can *stop* myself from saying it. you don’t have to lie. it’s called protecting your privacy. watch out for men/women who seem mesmerized by your stories. psychopaths will use their undivided attention to suck you in.
3) watch for guys/gals (whoever you date) who test boundaries and make you uncomfortable. a little bit of teasing is not always bad, but if you are uncomfortable, it’s a red flag, period. psychopaths love to let you know they really don’t respect your boundaries without coming out and saying it. that’s called “duper’s delight” and also the “psychopathic tell.” it’s part of the pleasure they get from tricking you.
4) anyone who tries to make you feel like the sun rises and sets over you, is coming on too strong. they might just be a romantic, but why take the chance? after what i’ve been through, i wouldn’t.
psychopaths have a way of making you feel special in the beginning, like the center of the universe. sadly, i have to push that feeling away. it’s hard to do–it’s very pleasurable. but it’s cost me too much over the years.
Ok, that is my short list of red flags. i hope it is helpful and reasonably accurate. it’s helped me stay out of trouble in the last few years. i kind of understood these principles before, but until it cost me everything, i didn’t take it seriously. don’t be me.
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