lf1

Please tell me this feeling will fade…l.

This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  passiel 1 month, 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #23188

    freeandhope
    Participant

    Hi ladybugg and everyone else who has been lovely on this forum.
    My partner was cleared today of choking me and beating me…he claimed self defence! By the way he is 6’4 and I’m 5’6. So yeah self defence!
    I’m gutted today and for a second thought I’d wasted my time but know deep down if enough women come forward….one day we will be heard.
    I make no sense with this post probably….I make no sense at all it seems lately, I’m void of any emotion, nothing is making feel free! As people kindly put it….
    This is a long road…because it’s only been 8 weeks but it feels like a life sentence…since I walked away….

  • #23193

    needreallove
    Participant

    Hi freeandhope! I feel your pain so much. I am only in day 9 of NC and the only emotions I can feel are sadness and grief that he no longer loves me (even though I know now he never did….which makes me feel WORSE!)

    I was wondering if you had the same experience I did. When we first got together there were things I thought were a little weird or “off”. My gut was telling me that this was not a guy I could spend the rest of my life with. BUT as the years went by I began to think of this as normal behavior. Weird huh? Did you feel that way too?

    Hang in there please!! I have been reading your posts and you are keeping me strong just because I know that I am not the only one to be hurting so bad. We WILL get through this but we all have to help each other!
    Much love

    • #23230

      OVERTHIS
      Participant

      Yes I always felt like something was off too… But unlike a lot of you, because of that feeling, I was never able to Fall IN love.. i wonder if anyone else has been like that..

      Can someone please tell me how i start a new topic

      • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by  OVERTHIS.
  • #23205

    merrym
    Participant

    Hi needtreallove
    Yes! I saw so many things that I thought were “off” but I tend to be quite conservative and his “off beat” behavior was refreshing. He was also extremely intelligent and as a young girl I was smitten. Fast forward during the relationship and those red flags were flying like crazy. Unfortunately I was already married with one child. So many bizarre statements, awful behavior toward others. It was baffling. And then I started to be told that I was crazy. Out of my mind.
    Best thing I ever did was throw him out after 22 years of marriage and 2 kids. It’s been very hard. But nothing is harder than living with a sociopath. They will make you feel crazy, stupid, ugly, incompetent, etc. just remember. Our guts truly do know better. If you see red flags. RUN! He also didn’t have any long term friendships nor did he get along with his family. Especially his mother. Another huge red flag
    You are not alone. we have, unfortunately, all been there in our poisoned, toxic one-sided relationship.
    Stay strong and keep moving forward. He will never ever change. Don’t waste any more time. Life is for the living and sociopath’s are dead inside.
    Good luck!

  • #23207

    Grey Cat
    Participant

    Hey this how shooters start. Omar Mateen was known to have relationships in which he used violence to get his way. His ex-wife accused of holding her hostage. The fact is the guy was just a very violent man and when he couldn’t his homosexuality he took it out on the gay community in the Pulse Nightclub.

    The Judge needs to stick his you know what up his own you know what because he may have just cleared the way for the next mass kiling.

    Listen all you can hope for is that you find someone better. Forgive yourself and move on!

  • #23300

    freeandhope
    Participant

    Hi everyone sorry for,the late reply and thank you all for your support. I did feel like something was wrong and was always writing in my diary and now looking at it its all about him and how he was treating me and why? I knew something wasn’t right but every time I mentioned feelings etc…he pulled me back in and used my insecurities to make me feel like it was all me! I now know how he worked and it’s broken me….
    But I’m healing slowly and still no contact..but crave him…it makes me feel sick but I’m taking everyday slowly.
    He always lied to me, he turned things around on me eg…he would say “you never think of things to do together you just moan” Somwhen I did come up with things to do he would ignore me or completely avoid doing anything I suggested….it would drive me crazy, it did drive me crazy.
    I’m still not working, have no income, have had to move away from my family so am still in a bad place…
    I can hardly get threw a day, I’m exhausted because I don’t sleep and when I do I dream of him! It’s a complete mind f**k he has totally got into my head and it’s scary but the more time I have with NC the better I’m becoming X

  • #23330

    passiel
    Participant

    I always felt things were not right. From the very beginning, even when we were just friends and he had other relationships before we got together. I would wonder about this or that or he would say something very rude to me. I always felt he was not being forthcoming, and I was probably one of the best detectives there was, even when I found out he was telling the truth about one thing there would always be others he lied about or hid. But the fact that I was constantly on the look out made me feel like a crazy, paranoid and jealous nut. There were so many red flags I shrugged off. Some I knew were bad and some I didn’t know to look for. I just could not imagine that he could be such an unfeeling monster as I found out that he was. After the discard before last I had hope he really wanted to fix things and realized how much I meant to him. I hoped I could just accept the rest. I always knew he wasn’t a good man, I just didn’t know he was a monster. Apparently a monster that laid eggs in my brain.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.