It must be exhausting to be a sociopath!
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › It must be exhausting to be a sociopath!
January 30, 2017 at 7:53 pm #24877
So, in trying to get on with my life and move on from the trauma of the deceitful sociopath, I have been getting out and about a bit more and socialising as best as my health has allowed. Then something occurred to me….it’s been totally exhausting. It’s been great but still exhausting and all I am doing is catching up with friends, juggling hospital appointments and scheduling future dates with friends. Not once have I told a lie, manipulated or done anything within the characteristics of a sociopath.
Given that it’s much less complicated to tell the truth that persistently lie and deceive I have come to the conclusion that sociopaths must be totally exhausted! How on earth do they keep up the charade of all the BS that comes out of their mouths? How on earth do they remember all of their lies so that they don’t trip up on them and get exposed?
I’m an empathetic and honest person. I’m sure us empaths have much fuller lives than these sociopaths. Because we feel and to feel is to be human. I still struggle greatly with missing mine at times but as my much younger cousin said, ” he must be just like Voldemort, except it’s every time he lies that he tears his soul.” Strong words from the mouth of a young teenager!
Anyone else think they must be exhausted?
January 30, 2017 at 8:16 pm #24879
Hi,thank you for sharing. You and I seem to be in a very similar place. I am sorry you are going through this. I am going through something like this as well. My ex boyfriend sociopath put me in the hospital a few months back. He had never touched me before and was arrested and I have seen him since aside from in court. I now have a restraining order on him and I am trying to get on with my life. But yes…I see what you’re saying. How do they keep up the façade and keep up with all their manipulating ways maybe they’re just so used to it that it’s all they know. I am struggling with PTSD having a really difficult time socializing and really leaving my house other than to run errands or walk my dogs. Were you injured by him?
February 2, 2017 at 6:52 pm #24903
Hi, I’m sorry to hear that you were subjected to physical violence as well as all the trauma that your ex boyfriend caused. I hope that you will be able to heal physically and mentally and recover from the awful time that you have had. No one has the right to hit another person, no one.
In answer to your question my ex did not lay a finger on me. In fact he played the perfect gentleman. However, a year into our 3 year relationship I found out several lies about him. He’d lied about his work (he didn’t work at all), he lied about where he lived in that he told me he lived alone but lived with his Mom. I also found out that he was in massive debt and was doing nothing about it, he just didn’t care. All the while he was telling me that we were going to get married, start a family, he was financially stable…blah blah blah.
I hate lies and the stress of finding out that my fiancé had lied to me all this time made he ill. I got seriously ill with a life long incurable auto immune disease. The doctors agree that I had it lingering in my body but the stress of the situation brought it out big time. I was about to end the relationship due to the lies prior to getting sick and he knew it. When I was suddenly in hospital for months on end he suddenly played the hero. He looked after me, he moved in with me so I could be released from hospital and my family and friends thought he was amazing, and so did I. He even started working.
But very slowly, as it became clear that I was really vulnerable and had lost a lot of my independence, he started to control me. The work tailed off. He started suggesting that I was addicted to painkillers, which I wasn’t and had been instructed by the doctors to take the painkillers otherwise I was immobile. Gradually, I began to question myself “was I addicted to painkillers?” So then I stopped taking them and would be in intense pain. As a result of the pain I would sob and seek a hug or reassurance. Instead I was mocked, shunned or ridiculed for sobbing. The pain was everywhere and my blood work was so deranged yet I couldn’t bring myself to take the painkillers without his approval.
Then he used to tell me that if I gained weight he wouldn’t find me attractive. Well I was having IV steroids and guess what…you gain weight!
I wanted to feel wanted, he withheld affection and sex. Yet if a friend or family member visited he was all over me showering me with love and affection.
He twisted things to blame me for everything and mostly blamed my illness. For example, he was living with me but not always contributing to the costs of the house and he wouldn’t go to work and earn an income. He was living off me. If I questioned him he would say, “how can I go to work. I have to look after you because you’re really sick. You look terrible. Go to bed and I’ll be downstairs watching TV” I was able to be by myself at this point. There was no reason for him to not go to work.
Looking back now I can see that I was so so ill that my mental ability to judge the situation was way off. My family were hours away but came as often as they could but thought he was such an amazing guy for looking after me.
He made me feel inadequate, he made me feel worthless and he made me feel unloved….all because I got sick. When we first got together he totally lovebombed me and the Jekyl switching to the Hyde was like the flick of a switch.
He may not have hit me but when he walked out on me he destroyed me. At the time when he left me I was on my own at home. I had an inflamed brain, an inflamed heart and left lung. A partially collapsed right lung. Blisters on my scalp. Hair loss. Weight gain (only a little but he made me feel like it was tons), hearing loss and I was unable to climb the stairs. He had passed on an infection that had flared my condition.
He left saying, “have you seen yourself? You’re no fun anymore!” It was New Years Eve. That morning he had told all his family in front of me how special I was to him.
Eight days later I started an intensive course of IV steroids and chemo. Despite sitting in on all my medical appointments it seems he hadn’t even bothered to listen to the doctors because when he came round to see me he found my Mom at my house who told him that I was in the hospital and why I was there. He actually said, “wait, are you telling me she is seriously ill?”
How can a guy be such a dick! When he left me I told him that I wouldn’t be able to manage on my own at home as I was feeling really ill that day as I was so breathless, he told me I was full of sh**.
My breathlessness was my collapsed lung.
When we first met I was a career girl, great job in medicine. I had a good income and my own home. I am an empathetic person who was looking to meet a good decent and honest man to settle down and start a family with. On reflection I was a sociopaths dream!
So, a long winded answer I guess. No, he didn’t hit me but he destroyed my health and life. I have had to give up work. I visit the hospital 3 to 4 times a week for appointments and regular infusions. My family are supportive but stupidly I miss him so much.
I feel so alone in my illness. He has left me hollow. Funnily enough, just before he left me, just when my money ran out he inherited £100,000. I never knew until months after we had split. I guess he didn’t want to spend a penny on me.
I’m not into self -pity and I’m trying to fight my disease with the most positivity and dignity that I can muster. I haven’t heard from my ex since he walked out. I’ve learnt a valuable lesson about humanity through all this and I’m pretty certain I have elements of PTSD as a result of his behaviour.
Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. I’m going to be in and out if the hospital for life and every time I have an infusion or another shot or a blood drawer I think of what he did to me.
Sorry for the really, really long reply. I guess writing about it is a form of therapy and I hope that it helps me heal. There is a lot of healing to do.
January 30, 2017 at 8:28 pm #24880
Ok, not an idiotParticipant
They age quickly and from what I read, they die early as well. I think it’s exhausting for them hence the addiction. Other people’s energy only goes so far. Mine was juggling 6 woman. long term, including a wife. He drank so much booze, he would break out with large sores on his back and front. Said it was the water but it was later brought to my attention, it was his liver reacting to the booze. I swear, since he was discovered, he has aged 20 years.
February 2, 2017 at 6:53 pm #24904
I agree, I can see it as an addiction. They just can’t help themselves.
January 30, 2017 at 10:26 pm #24881
For what it’s worth, I was married (sequentially) to three sociopaths. They all three had tremendous energy! Two of them could out-work everyone – they were physically very strong. One could organize a 6,000 sq ft warehouse in one day. One was a gymnast and a ship’s captain. One was a professional actor, and could do stuff like accidentally fall down and not hurt himself — at over 70 years old. They never got tired. I was the one who got tired. He died at about age 76, from cirrhosis of the liver and cancer. He was a chain smoker, and had stopped drinking 30 years before he died, but I guess he drank enough to get cirrhosis. he worked all day long for 3 days as a volunteer, stuffing hundreds of envelopes for his favorite theatre — 2 weeks before he died. He was already dying, but he did that anyway. He said the theatre kept him alive, and I’m sure it did prolong his life.
February 2, 2017 at 6:57 pm #24906
You poor thing, three sociopathic husbands. Wow, how did you manage to stay grounded?
I agree with you in that they seem to have so much energy. They are totally driven but by their needs only. They seem to need “space”. I was astounded by the energy that my ex had.
A question for you that I’m curious about. I’ve heard that sociopaths have a limited sense of smell. This might be nonsense but I know my ex had a limited sense of smell. Like he couldn’t smell burning or mildew etc. Did you notice this in any of your husbands? Perhaps it’s an old wives tale but I’m curious if you came across this? Thanks
February 4, 2017 at 10:23 pm #24940
I’ve had three relationships with sociopaths in my lifetime and I never gave it much thought before about their sense of smell until reading the above post. But yes I recall all three of them had limited senses of smell.
Two of them also had issues with their sinuses, and two of them were also colour blind.
I also know of two female sociopaths who are also colour blind. One of them is my mother. Before learning of colour blindness I used to think it meant the person couldn’t see colours and everything was black and white! But no its when some colours are perceived an entirely different colour.
I know green was seen as brown, and remember one of the sociopaths would Identify pink as grey, and he couldnt see orange tones such as amber when waiting at traffic lights.
I’ve no Idea whether sociopathy is connected in some way to a deficiency in the 5 recognized methods of perception but I do find it odd that the sociopaths I do know are effected with senses of smell or colour blindness. I also notice other stuff about them too.
It’s the energy levels that all of them had which stood out the most though. My own mother worn me out from birth.. she was always the first up in a morning and ready to go! She never sat still, always on the go and has worked all her life. She’s still full of energy even at the age of 60 but she looks 20 years older and the last time I saw a photo of her on facebook she looked like a shrivelled up prune, I was actually shocked how much she’s aged since I last saw her 12 years ago.
February 8, 2017 at 2:36 am #24979
That’s so bizarre Trac – 1998, or maybe just a coincidence. My ex was colour blind and had big issues with his sinuses. He was often getting headaches due to his sinus problems.
I was also astonished at the energy he had. Maybe this was due to the fact that he didn’t work, although told me that he did. I often did 13 hr shifts at the hospital a couple of days in a row so if I had a day off I’d often want to get a nap in the afternoon. I was mocked and ridiculed for it even though I was totally shattered. He just had bounding energy but as I said maybe that’s because the lazy liar just didn’t work.
February 13, 2017 at 9:00 pm #25094
howdoimoveon- I’ve always wondered if colour blindness had some sort of link to the disorder and wanted to ask others on here before but i never did as I wasn’t sure if it was related or not. I don’t think even to this day that my mother is aware she is colour blind. As a young child I noticed my mother often got colours wrong, and me and my two sisters would giggle and correct her which made her angry and she would insist it was “us” that were just being silly and playing with her mind!
Then when I was around 15 years old me and my two sisters had just returned home from school to see my mother had painted and redecorated the living room in neutral warm tones cream/beige/brown tones and it was looking nice and cosy. But she got up on some step ladders and proceeded to hang up a brand new pair of “olive green” curtains with tie backs and matching green cushion covers on the sofa she was looking pleased and smiled while asking Me and my sisters “what did we think?” We looked around screwing up our faces and replied nah those green curtains don’t match and she looked at us frowning saying the curtains are brown!!! We ended up getting into a debate with her about it which ended with her walking out of the room in a huff replying “We are bloody crackers!”
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