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Indifference to a Narcissist

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Equanimity113 1 month ago.

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  • #23959

    Equanimity113
    Participant

    I was discarded after 8 months. I never saw it coming, so it was devastating to say the least. It was the worst pain I had ever been in. However, I sought to educate myself and learn everything I can about the disorder. I had PTSD and got better through EMDR therapy, but each day my heart hurt due to the betrayal. I was doing better and 7 months later the narcissist emails me and ask me to forgive him. I wanted answers and so I did. The first few months were a bliss. I even opened my own business and asked him for advice many times. After a few months he did not keep promises that he first said he would. He began gas lighting me and mirroring me. We finally had a huge argument, which he initiated. He told me that he needs to think if this is really what he wants to give him a few days. I told him that it would not be necessary because I was the one that did not want to be with him. I also told him that he was a narcissist and a sociopath. To go get professional help, because he would only get worst with age. I told him that from this moment on he would be blocked, deleted and non-existence in my life. Never to try and come back again, because I no longer felt anything for him. He tried to get me to respond to his text and I wouldn’t so the final text from him was, stay away from disordered people, lol. I still never responded, because I knew that by responding he would only reel me back in.
    It’s been 6 months and I he sent a Halloween card with my locket, which I had begged for. I had accepted that I would never see it. I opened up the card, took out the locket and returned the card with a written message on the envelope that read: No Such Address. Return to sender. I was angry that he had the audacity to contact me. As I had moved on and in no way wanted any contact. However, I did break No Contact, but in no way feeling bad about it. In fact, I’m feeling quite proud, although any fuel is fuel I also sent him the following message: Please refrain from sending things to my home. I don’t bother you, therefore don’t bother me. My boyfriend picked up the mail and asked me. Also, please tell me where to send your military tags, because they are taking up valuable space in my safe deposit box. I did not want to discard them because they have your social security number on them, (thank my mother for this one). Your tags are just taking space as they do nothing for me. I hope that you have the decency to tell me where to send them or to discard them. If I do not get an address where to send them I will assume you want them discarded. I will keep this message as proof that I asked you so in the future nothing can come back to me as far as a false accusation. And once again, do not bother me by sending idiotic cards to my home. I’m not interested.
    I have not received a message yet and so I will definitely discard the tags. I know I caused narcissist injury, but who cares. I slept well last night and did not even think about it. How can these idiots feel that we are in the wind waiting for them? I read that narcissist are vindictive and some will just move on. Has anyone experienced this type of behavior and responded back with indifference? What can I expect? I don’t want this person in my life. I know No contact is the best, but I really wanted to let him know not to contact me again. I had to get it out of my system.

  • #23994

    greenstick
    Participant

    Are you being indifferent really? It sounds like you want a reaction from him. Did you give a time scale for discarding the tags? It sounds honestly like he left them with you to keep the door ajar. Ask yourself honestly, why have you not discarded the tags before and if he has been disrespectful to you and didn’t care about your feelings, why are you giving to him again? I’m not saying this to be horrible. No contact is so hard, but you’re making a threat over his tags and he’ll just read it as drama, ‘she’s still into me.’ It’s the sad arrogant way these tossers think. Don’t feed his ego. If he doesn’t reply within a fortnight, chuck them and if he wants them returned, do so but don’t put anything else in the envelope. Good luck. Love and light to you, because this is hard and I know it is.

    • #24011

      Equanimity113
      Participant

      Hello greenstick,
      Thank you so kindly for your comment. When I sent the card back, I wanted nothing more to do with this clown. For every action there is a reaction, so I guess me sending back the card would tell him to leave me alone, because I’m not interested. However, with disordered people we can not expect any normal reaction, because the only reaction I got was for him to text me from a different number and me responding and breaking no contact again. However, as I stated, I have no regrets. This is the 2nd time he tries to come back. The first time I allowed it, because in my heart I thought I could help him change and I was not aware how bad this disorder is. This time I was able to get closure. He apologized and said that he takes fault for the relationship failing. I took these words for what they are. Words with no substance or true meaning. I feel we needed to talk, because I wanted to say my peace. I told him many things that I had bottled inside. I was not cruel, nor angry. However, I was able to tell him that I don’t love him anymore. Those days are long gone. To say in the first discard I did not suffer would be a lie. I did, but today I feel absolutely nothing at all. To me that’s indifference. Yes, he left the tags to come back. I could never throw the tags out. I am a veteran and we served together 30 years ago. His social security number is on these tags and no matter how bad he treated me there was no way that I would discard the tags. I would have mailed them to him regardless, so the card gave me the perfect opportunity to return them and return them I did. He asked me to keep one tag and I said, No thank you! You and I from this moment on have no more attachment. I knew that he wanted me to keep one tag to keep a hold on me. I found out he had a car accident, lost his house, his credit is ruined and IRS is after him. Karma works in mysterious ways. He wants to come back. However, I forgave him one time and that was enough to understand that this man cannot love me. I know it’s not me. What he is looking for is someone who is submissive, who will not question and who will play the role of a carpet. That’s not me. I saw him the second time for his true disordered self. Someone I cannot love. Someone who will only make me miserable and destroy my beautiful life. This time I told him everything I felt like. I wanted him to hear what I had to say. He listened, and did not rage. However, I know that he listened because he wanted to come back so he played the role. I don’t want him back and never will. Do I forgive him, I guess. I don’t hate him, I don’t love him. I feel nothing at all. This man comes back every 6 months and now it’s beginning to me comical. Your words are not harsh, so please do not feel I took offense to anything you said. We are all here trying to find our way and each one has a story to tell, but we are outside looking in. What they did to us is cruel and torturous. For anyone to treat a human being the way we all have been treated is unthinkable. However, it happened and there is nothing I could do but move forward and heal. Today, I am much stronger. This was the most horrific experience I went through. However, due to this experience I am stronger, wiser and unwavering. I have helped many women heal as well. I made some great friends along my journey. To say I don’t think of him would be a lie, but to say I think of him in a loving manner would also be a lie. I think of how damaged and empty this man is. How unhappy and dark his life is. I could not wish this on my worst enemy. I truly feel sorry for the empty vessel he has become. However, he’s no problem of mine. So I wish him well, and I know I will never ever see nor speak to him again. He will come back, this I assure you. However, there is no residue left from the love I once felt. I found closure, because I gave it to myself. Today, I am so much self aware and indifference towards him is what I truly feel. I wish for you light, beauty and wisdom. I hope and pray that the peace I feel within me you will find too.

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