I'm new here, I have been ensnared by a narcissist.
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January 23, 2017 at 3:37 pm #24754
have been 3 days NC with my narcissistic ex. He was the last one to make contact. It was a stupid conversation. He told asked me how I was feeling, I said great. I asked him, he said he was feeling sick. I said I hope you feel better. He said Thank You… nothing since then. I don’t know if he is giving me silent treatment expecting me to reach out and ask how he’s been doing. Of course I wasn’t going to over the weekend. I knew for a fact that he was with his ex that he discarded me for. I’ve been trying to talk myself up to continue. I’m just sitting on pins and needles because I know that text will come. Every Wednesday he asks me to hangout. I guess each woman gets specific days (rolls eyes). I need to keep telling myself that he picked his ex over me. (I caught him red handed with her at his apartment when we were still together) After I showed up at his place the following night and caught him again, he told me we aren’t dating anymore. He said because popped up at his place twice, as if he were a child and that we cannot date any longer. But then I turned around and as soon as I told him off, he’s asking ME if we are done?!? He told me never to text him again, called me crazy, then said he still wants to hangout. In a matter of 5 minutes. He still wants to be friends and have sex. Then the other day said some fake feelings lines that he would rather us be friends without sex because he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. That he doesn’t want me to feel used or dirty. That he thinks I’m crazy but still likes me and doesn’t want to hurt me. Hahahaha because if that were the case, if he actually cared about my feelings. Then he wouldn’t have cheated on me when we were together in the first place! I just don’t understand why he’s saying that stuff. I’ll admit I still saw him twice last week. Wednesday night I stayed over and Thursday was purely just for sex… since he enjoyed himself the night before. I was only there for an hour. I need to stay strong. I know I deserve so much better. I know that I will never be number one in his life, at least not for long. I don’t know why I feel so desperate for him to pick me choose me. When I know full well that he will just cheat on me again and discard me. I’m like a vulture waiting for him to throw me scraps. I’ve been sitting on pins and needles all day because he always contacts me after spending a weekend with his current primary source. (Or I assume she is primary source) he’s like a snake that has slithered into my brain and I can’t get him out. I’m constantly pre occupied with thoughts of what is he doing or who is he with. It effects my concentration at work and outside of work as well. I don’t know why I torture myself. Yet here I am still going back and forth in my mind. If/when he reaches out to me. Asks me to hangout. I will just say that I don’t think it’s a good idea. Then I will say this: I am invaluable. You are not worthy of what I have to offer. Goodbye. Then block him and remain NC. I need to stay strong, because that exillerating feeling of relief when he texts me is hard to not respond to. I literally start to shake when he texts me. Because I have no idea what kind of mood he’s in or what he is in or what he wants from me this time. Since I know that’s what it’s about… what they want from us. I’m just having a hard time right now. The only thing keeping me from texting him telling him how much I miss him is me being on here.
February 9, 2017 at 7:42 pm #25016
I understand that no contact is very difficult. I am on my third time of no contact with mine but this time it’s sticking. I have no desire to reach out to him and I know if he reaches out to me I will completely ignore him. Nothing will ever change with him because it can’t. he is broken inside and nothing is going to fix him. I really encourage you to do the no contact. Every time he Lures you back, you will be going backwards in your recovery.
I use all kinds of tricks to stay NC. if I feel like I want to text him, not to because I want to be with him, but maybe I just want to tell him off, I remember that he doesn’t care. They do not care about anything but themselves.
The only reason these creeps come back over and over is because they think they can get something from us. That is the only reason. Why don’t you make a list of all of the terrible things he has ever done to you and anytime you feel like contacting him read it. If I feel weak I read all of the forums on this site. I have read many books that have help me tremendously and I have reconnected with all of my friends and family that I was isolated from when I was with him. I joined a bowling league. I do anything to stay busy especially in the beginning of the no contact. I am only on day 13 but I feel so relieved and free.
I encourage you to just keep writing, keep yourself busy, really understand that you have lost nothing. Understand that he will treat every woman exactly how he treated you and understand that he doesn’t love any of you. They cannot feel those emotions which is how they can so easily discard us and move onto the next victim. I cross off my no contact days on the calendar and I applaud myself every single day. be really good to yourself right now. Do nice things for yourself whenever that might be get your nails done, get a pedicure, anything that makes you happy. I will tell you every day gets easier and easier. I know it may not seem like it now, but one day you will wake up and you won’t think of him. You will get a big smile on your face mid morning and think to yourself “Wow, I didn’t think about him first thing’.
One day at a time. It’s an addiction but you have to do the no contact to save yourself. Remember you can never get time back. Every day is precious time. Stay strong and Good Luck.
February 10, 2017 at 1:31 pm #25032
What do you mean you deserve better? You gave in to him. You got into bed with him. You’re his toy, and deserve to be his toy until you prove otherwise. And you want to be. You are relieved when he contacts you because you enjoy it.
The problem here has nothing to do with him — I’m not even sure I should characterize it as a problem. It’s all you, sweetheart. He is having a good time, and you’re fretting over nothing. Either keep enjoying being his side lay, or move on and find someone you can have to yourself.
February 10, 2017 at 3:53 pm #25043
As harsh as PPATH was, they are right. In a way, you are doing this to yourself because you allow him to control you like that. The only way to stay strong and stay away from him is no contact. If you choose to respond to his texts, know that he will always always always use you for whatever he wants at that given time. They periodically ” check in” just to make sure that you still are on their source list. They always have to have fuel. They never can be without several people on the list. If you truly think that you deserve better, which you absolutely do, but you have to believe that in your heart, then absolutely do not talk to him. Date others OR if you choose to continue to participate in his game, then make sure you go into the game with open eyes and know that he will never love you, you will never be his only, and he will always treat you exactly like what you are to him which is just a source of fuel. YOU have to stop the madness because he never well. Again, remember, we can never get our time back in life. Make each day count and be happy. Good luck to you
February 13, 2017 at 12:17 pm #25077
NC is the way to recover.
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