I need confirmation that my instincts aren\'t failing me

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Donna Andersen 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #23403


    I’ve been with my partner for just over 4 and a half years, and while the first 6-12 months were great (aren’t they always lol), the rest have been far from it. Like many others I was drawn to his charm, his aspirations to succeed in life and his ability to remain calm in any situation. Honestly? I couldn’t fault him! I strived to have qualities like these and hoped I could learn from him. When my friends and family first met him, his quiet and reserved nature was often mistaken for arrogance though it never took long for the critics to become fanatics, and scepticism to become awe. I loved that everyone loved him, that is until I realised how much it could work against me. My loud, animated personality was a liability when it met with his contrasting coolness, and i was often perceived as the villain. Fast forward to now and It would take me a week to note everything that’s occurred since those happy days. Our relationship runs at a dysfunctional level and I’ve long said I believe it’s too damaged to ever be good again. One thing I find intriguing is that before I properly researched sociopathy I had already labelled certain traits of his as ones I found hard to accept or understand. I always knew he was driven by pride, but not to the extent where I now believe he’d rather saw his own arm off than admit he’s wrong or even that his judgement was a little off. Whether he’s wrong about something or has been caught lying he refuses to acknowledge it, Even if there’s undeniable proof he will argue the point saying that I’m crazy and need help and try to turn it back on me. You can see on his face that it physically pains him to admit his faults and I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard him genuinely say sorry. I’ve also long said he was born without a remorse gene and at times he seems incapable of emotions altogether. He has an extremely dark sense of humour where nothing is off limits (like knowing full well I had a brother who died of cot death when I was 5 but still feeling the need to look up and read aloud dead baby jokes), yet the smallest thing at times will offend him and he’ll be embarrassed/angry that u could ever say such a thing. He has no sense of consequence or regard for anyone’s feelings, nor does he seem to have any desire to progress in life, which is a shame as he’s extremely intelligent, though it infuriates me as he thinks he’s smarter than everyone and constantly tells me I’m dumb. We’ve recently been evicted-and not for the first time either- for falling behind with rent. Although I don’t blame him entirely it angers me that certain things don’t appear to phase him and that he clearly doesn’t learn from experiences or make things like paying rent a priority. I could go on and on but Ive rambled enough I think! Basically my current situation is that we’re staying with a friend til we find a place. But I’m at breaking point and I think I want out, as I’m not convinced that the same crap won’t happen again in what I call this broken record relationship. What makes it hard is that my options are limited due to the fact I’ve neglected my relationships with a lot of people since being with my partner (surprise surprise!) I know I can sort out those things anyway I just really need some advice on whether my feelings are warranted and if it does sound like I’m dealing with a sociopath. Any feedback is much appreciated and thank you for reading 🙂

  • #23404

    Donna Andersen

    Baztrix – Your instincts are correct. You are describing the classic traits of a sociopath. Please dump this guy ASAP. It will never get better.

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