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I am trying to go NC he has a wicked hold on me help!

This topic contains 21 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Ladybugg 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #22828

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    I realy don’t know what to say. I fell in love with my ex husband in 2012 and it was a living dreaming fairytail! he was patient, sweet, cards everyday! flowers all the time. 3 months in I was married it was perfect and I was in my mid 30’s why waist time, when it’s right it’s right…right? WRONG! about 8 days after I married him was the first turn. I said the phrase I’ve done that a million times and he attacked my words. he said That’s not possible you could not have done that a million times use common sense that’s not even logical just yelling at me. that lasted about an hr!! I looked at him and said I knew you were too good to be true. I should never have married you!! this was the beginning of many sensless attacks from out of nowhere including getting mad at my little 10lb dog for staring at him.. I am sorry giving him evil looks I mean!!
    At first I laughed because this stuff was absurd. The first really hurtful thing I remember was about 3 weeks after we were married he sat me down and informed me my friends (I had had for 10+ years) all just put up with me and so did my parents (who I am super close to) he was the only one who loved me enough to tell me the truth about myself. we got our first place in March of 2013 and were newly married sex every night. besides his absurd out burst and need to put me down a little more and more everyday things were ok. He had only had his iPhone for 3 months because I bought it for him for Christmas. I went to his pictures to see what my hair looked like on our honeymoon cuz he wanted it like that again, and found over 2000 lude nasty porn pics close ups of nasty stuff,and my heart was broke. he tried to say he does not even look at them just downloads them for no reason.
    fast forward I left in August of 2013 begged him to act like he cared, he was so cold hearted. I tried to make things work so long the divorce was not final until June of 2015. then we never really stopped seeing each other until Feb of 2016 when he went to a party for his parents anniversary and I tried to call and he blocked me! said I should not bother him when he is with his family and I am rude. this man has belittled me,made me beg,quit saying he was ever sorry at all and was always trying to make me jealous better yet make me act jealous. by that I mean he would plant seeds that he was looking and I would ask one question and he would start screaming your so paranoid your so jealous. (when I wasn’t at first) then after a while ya he had me acting a jealous fool. (I could not figure out what was wrong with me I had never been jealous before) now I read about all the conditioning they do including the hypnotysing and trancing I remember when we first got together he would stare into my eyes for 5 mins at a time said it was a trust building exercise I could not blink or laugh. I did not have a clue any human being would intentionally do anything to hurt you. now I am here trying my damnedest to know I can’t call him or text and it’s so hard.
    truth is he has not said a nice thing to me or about me in over a year. I am told when I can call when I can text and even then out of the blue he’ll yell about it being rude. he makes me feel like complete trash tells me I’m replicable (even did replace me once) I bought the “we did not have sex” line!! stupid!! I just know this individual will do nothing but destroy anyone who tries to love him. so I need help in staying strong! I don’t know how I got soooo sucked in I did not understand why I felt I had no control over my pain..it’s all coming together now though. I read Woman who love psychopaths by Sandra L Brown and,When love is a lie,The No Contact and am working on stop spinning and start living all by a woman named Zari they have helped. just trying to keep my mind firm!

  • #22850

    Donna Andersen
    Keymaster

    Ladybug – what you are describing is complete sociopathic behavior. We spoke on the phone and you told me more – this man was only interested in controlling you. He has no ability to love, and all the wonderful things that he did in the beginning of your relationship were fake. It was an act to seduce you. The nasty man is the real man – everything that.

    It is shocking how sociopaths / psychopaths are so calculating. They keep the charade going Long enough to hook you. Once you are committed – like married – everything changes. One Lovefraud reader told me that her new husband said after the wedding, “I can stop acting now.”

  • #22877

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    I am having a really bad day today. I want so bad to email him and tell him what hurt me soooo bad about the last time I was over there. I know he will just spin it all around and hurt me with it though and make me feel like complete shit. oh I don’t get it…. I was in such a peaceful place and now the last night is playing out in my head over and over and I have to get it out. so I am going to say it here. I had purple dye put in my hair that runs very bad when it gets wet. I was trying to wait till the rain let up and I was going out the door it had just about stopped and he said I have a condom you can put over it if you want. He hates condoms refuses to use them (why would he say that) just to let me know he felt the need to have them is why. I have not felt adored and did not feel good having sex.So we get out side the apartment and this girl that lives behind him. (every time he referrs to her he says the one your jealous of) The very first time I ever saw her she said hello, he was right behind me and she acted like she knew me. I thought it was weird and they both had deer in the headlight looks on their faces. I just told him “something did not feel right.” that’s it that’s all I said. He says things like she has movies of his,she works third shift and she seems to know everything about me though I havn’t told her. It was barely raining and he always walks me to my car and kisses me goodnight.So she gives me the umbrella she was gonna take and says it’s no problem her car is closer then mine. I start down the stairs with it and realised it was not raining too bad. I thought he was coming with me he stands up there laughing saying no. so she is laughing too. well why if he was not walking down with me did he not kiss me goodbye or tell me goodnight nothing. that is the one and only time he did not hug me and kiss me goodbye and the only thing different was she was there.he has constantly tried to make me jealous of her and the best thing is there is really nothing going on between then he has created this illusion that there is purposely so I will look crazy and jealous if I ask anything. when he says little things about her all the time so I will!!! GOD I HATE HIM!!! he hurt my feelings so bad and humiliated me and he knew it!! I got home plugged my phone in and went and took my makeup off did my nightly regime and by the time I got to my room there were three text, “oh so your not gonna text me now just cuz I did not want to get wet when you didn’t either fine”, “night love u”, and “Fine I’m going to bed”.
    now I know since the text saying I’m going to bed was sent I could not reply back with out getting my ass chewed it had been 3 whole minuets. so I called cuz ignoring him would get me yelled at too and of coarse no answer. so I tell him that it was barely raining and no I was not ignoring him I was getting ready for bed. I told him I had no clue he was not gonna walk me down because he did not bother to kiss me and tell me goodbye. which he always does!! I said so muah good bye! I told him I ended it for many reasons non of them because I did not love him I told him I knew it was only a matter of time before he replaces me because I don’t feel comfertable giving him what he needs I said so I saved you a step…your welcome! I never told him anything about how he made me feel!! he said gee thx for telling me before this!!
    I tried!!! I got “end of conversation I won’t ever bring sex up again.” Then If I opened my mouth he yelled “drop it!” or “I said drop it!” till I shut up nothing resolved just suck in your feelings and drown in them bitch!! I had no way of telling him he had no will to fix it he no longer cared how I felt anymore!!

  • #22878

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    I am really struggling not to write him. I the book when love is a lie the woman says silent treatments are deafening. This man I was with is a special kinda skilled he makes me feel like crap. to the point that I walk away. makes me feel like I have reason to be concerned about him wanting others (like that neighbor girl) and then he refuses to act like he cares or talk to me. so I go so it’s all “my fault” then he makes me feel like I hurt him by leaving and he is doing me some kinda favor by letting me come back. he litteraly would say when I would tell him I did not think he cared “your here aren’t you? quit ignoring the obvious”

    • #23080

      Butterfly
      Participant

      I went through the same exact thing with my ex. He was clearly cheating on me and denied it. Everyday he would make me cry on purpose. I even have a video of me begging and pleading him to stop and love me. He was so cold to me but I didn’t realize how cold he was until I watched the video a month after he discarded me. I often have times when I miss him which is so strange because of how he treated me. I also have times when I want to write him and tell him how much he hurt me but all that will do is feed his ego. Whatever you do keep remaining no contact. You will get through this.

  • #22900

    freeandhope
    Participant

    Don’t contact him ladybug remember we said we’d do this together right now all I want to do is call him but am not!
    Please hold onto what you know deep down is right….he doesn’t deserve you or see the pain he has caused you.
    Hold tight and ride it out….I’m having a bad day too today and just want to reach out to him and espically at night time, when I need a hug. but I remember how he has discarded me and how he never loved me…it reall hurts but sadly it’s true and that will keep me strong in the NC moments
    We can do this!
    We can have no contact and we can slowly heal. ❤️

  • #22901

    freeandhope
    Participant

    Maybe if I try telling my story a it better so it helps others.
    I had my own place my daughter had left home and I was sad and struggling finically, along he came, it was a whirlwind. I remember after two months him coming to mine and saying I love you loads. I never said it back for about a month, then I did!
    He convinced me to move in with him to help my money situation and how he felt he needed to look after me and wanted to look after me. I moved in.
    Gave up my home.
    Sex was great at first, now I look back and we always has sex with my back to him, I use to say what happened, we were great in bed, he told I was sex crazy and wanted it too much because we ended up having sex once a week. This make me feel sick. He never wanted me.
    He use to tell me I was moody and ungrateful, he brought me lots of things, said I should dress better and look smarter. He told me I was fat, I’m eight stone in weight, months later he told me I was too skinny.
    I never won an argue , he would tell me it was my fault and I jumped to conclusions all the time and I was a negative person.
    I would do my best to please him and he would just sit on the sofa and not talk to me, every time I tried to talk he would ignore me.
    Whenever my daughter came over, he would be poorly and need attention, when my daughter got really ill, he couldn’t cope and chucked me out of his house ( my daughter never lived with him, but he tried to get her too) I should of left then, but he would constantly call and say sorry, I moved back in and we always ended up at square one…him always putting me down, calling me stupid, telling me I over think things too much. Every time I confronted him I was one the who ends up feeling bad and guilty.
    He lied to me every day and I can not understand why someone would go to all that effort when they don’t even like someone. All that pretence!
    He has broken me and I’m not sure how to fix me.
    I’m relaying everything he said and did to me.
    I would go out with friends and he would bombard me with calls and texts. He would tell me he was going to marry me. I asked him and told him he no empathy towards others and he would laugh and tell me he knew but didn’t care what others thought of him, I just thought he hadn’t grown up. I can’t believe I fell for it all. I loved him so much,
    In the end I had no job no home and no car, I was stuck at his and with him, and I kinda knew he was no good but thought it was me overreacting again. I was always sticking up for him and that must of made his day!
    I am sick and angry and sad and lost with it all. I feel like a fool.
    As I have said before he got violent, he’s on bail. I’m scared.
    I can’t sleep right now and it’s making me crazy.
    He was a charming man who has built up an image of being a good man with a home and job, underneath he is not I now am trying to believe good in any way, but I still miss him.

  • #22910

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    A better look into my story is in the post column titled
    Coercive control:’ Domestic violence without the physical abuse”
    Look it up! Yes yes yes though it all sounds so painfully the same sex everynight at first and sometimes two or three times then he started with holding it as a punishment cuz he mad me feel I needed it to feel loved by him. I see he is the one who purposely made me feel that way now. I went to a ministry healing in Feb of 2015 and that was broken off of me though I came back with no need for lust of any kind and sense I was not feeling loved by him and the only thing I was interested in sexually was “making love” I could take it or leave it until he wanted to store cherishing and adoring me again. He never felt any need to do so. Yes the conversation pattern exactly the same only he would yell at me if I tried to talk to him then he would command me to drop it. Yes we have to stay strong I have to know he is ready to pretend with someone else and hope he can find someone who can be controlled more easily. You to are worth more than your ex gave you! Sounds like we were essentially with the same man only if mine used more silent treatments it would have been better then being yelled at then commanded to drop it how infuriating! Don’t go back I went back so many times I lost count! I’m trying yes night time is extra hard I have been having Jesus hold me at night he will never leave or forsake me he is my Rock!!

  • #22937

    lostandalone22
    Participant

    I am so glad that i found this forum… I have been dealing with No Contact and I keep thinking it will get easier everyday but it seems to be getting harder. I want to talk to him so bad but know I can’t..
    A little about my story.. 3 and half years ago he showed up as my knight in shining armor after i got out of another bad relationship. Moved in together after a month but not long after the red flags started appearing but i ignored them. Over the course of 3 and a half years there was multiple girls…multiple lies(one of his best is telling everyone he has cancer)..intimidation(hes a professional mma fighter). In December of 2015 we had the perfect night together then the next morning he woke me up in a rage.. I ran out of the house in nothing but a long jacket and finally found a cop that would let me use his phone to call him and tell him to leave so i could come get some stuff. I walked in to a house destroyed and my work laptop in pieces.. I stayed with my mom a couple weeks and found a house in my hometown about 20 minutes away. I didn’t talk to him for about 2 weeks until New Years Eve when he showed up where i was in another rage and me and my daughter had to leave. After i left we started texting and actually started talking civil to each other. we text and talked to each other but didn’t see each other until about 2 weeks later i ended up being admitted to the hospital and had to have emergency surgery, he was there when i woke up and took me to my dr appt and even my next surgery.we started talking about getting back together but i still knew he was lying to me. One night in March he confessed to all that he had been doing since we split up. things got somewhat good between us but i refused to move back in with him until i was sure he wasn’t lying or sleeping with anyone else.. I never was sure of that. about 3 weeks ago he starting acting weird and putting weird statuses on Facebook when i asked him about it it got turned around once again to me being the bad one. I told him I was done playing his games and i wanted him to leave me alone. I stopped answering his calls and text. 2 days later on my day off he shows up at my house and just walks on in..He says if we are done then you need to tell me to my face. I told him he needed to leave because my 9 year old daughter and her friend were there and i told him I wasn’t going to argue in front of them. I could tell he was getting agitated so i went in my bedroom to get my phone.. He slammed the door shut and slammed me up against the wall. I yelled for my daughter to go get her brother. She ran and said bubby …… is beating up mommy. My son(who just turned 18 a week before this) came out and I will admit said something he shouldn’t have and the ex went for him. So we were all three fighting in my kitchen and living room me trying to get him off of my son(remember he is a trained professional) so i yell for one of my sons friends to call the cops. As soon as he heard the cops were on the way he left. We weren’t hurt other than some scratches and bruises. I filed a restraining order and have not talked to him since. The state pressed charges and since it happened in front of children under 14 makes it a felony. Now here is my dilemma the court did not grant the restraining order so we go to court next Wednesday over it, I am thinking of backing out of it because I am afraid if it is granted it will put him into a rage. There is a warrant out for him but he has not been picked up yet. I keep my doors locked and am always looking over my shoulder. The thing is i still miss him he was my best friend.. And i feel like a complete total idiot for this feeling. But i have no one to talk to too about it because no one understands.

  • #22945

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    As you can tell from my original post what you are feeling is not crazy they addict us on purpose the best thing I read is in a book called Psycopath free. When a relationship is over we fall out of love and it hurts. To compound that when we fall out of love with a psychopath we have to fall out of a desperate love that they created by making us totaly dependent on them in the love bombing stage when they WANT to occupy our everythought and by the awful seeds they plant in us during the devaluation stage when they convince us of everything that is wrong with us. I am with you still fighting through the wondering what the hell is wrong with me for “missing” this awful person who did nothing but delight in hurting me. We don’t miss him it’s all about the illusion he created. Take him and your memories of him out of it. Put another person in his place anyone else now ask yourself would you miss anyone else that disrespected you, hurt you, made you feel so helpless, so out of control, literally changed you that deep on the inside!! NO you wouldn’t because they did not CHARM you into theses feelings your feeling now he did through that and planting things in your head by picking altercations and saying certain things over and over he screwed with you to the point he really convinced you you need,miss,love him. The truth is you only need,miss, love who he pretended to be when he wanted to either had something to gain from it, or wanted to real you back into his control so the abuse cycle could start all over again!!
    Good luck stay strong! Know your not alone. I was told to get a CD by Jan7 in a post titled someone has to tell me what they know about trancing and hypnotizing. If you can’t find the link I will get it for you. Helps with the addiction. This forum helps to the CD is by Sandra L Brown it is Relaxation technique for recovering from pathalogical relationship after math!

  • #23027

    lostandalone22
    Participant

    I am so glad to know that I am not alone nor am i “crazy” This has been the roughest time of my life honestly. I think one thing that messes with me is the fact that our whole relationship he called me out of my name only 3 times and never verbally degraded me even the the the day we were together told me how much he wanted me and our sex life was still amazing even after three years. But also we are both attractive people with plenty of opportunity for other partners although i never gave another man the time of day while we were together and he gave any girl who looked his way the opportunity.. Other than those things he is a straight psychopath to a T. I am currently reading Psychopath free and also have When Love is a Lie and Without Conscience. He lied about everything, stupid things, my favorite is One night i got home from work and asked him if he worked out(he is a professional mma fighter and our garage was a gym) He said yeah for like 2 hours…it had snowed the day before so there was snow on the ground but no footprints going to the garage.. i dealt with that stuff everyday.. When he knew i was on to him about something he would cause so much drama. I have never in my life had anxiety attacks until about a year after our relationship started. He even talked me into going to counseling for my anxiety problems!!!! They were all him and the intimidation he had over me.. Work is my escape I can stay busy and try to keep my mind off of him but as soon as i get home he is back in my head constantly. half the time i just stay in my room with the doors closed which i know isn’t good for me or my kids.

  • #23029

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    You are gonna be ok, to tell you the truth my Spath did sweet things off and on through out the whole relationship and that’s what through me off. I how even felt totally degraded that he would purposely make me jealous of other woman. I think convincing you your crazy and you have all these mental problems is the beg gist put Dow you can receive from somebody he may not have degraded you and put you down on a level you “heard” he did far worse! He dismantled your psyche and put in what he wanted to. That is low as low gets! It is why it is call covert hard to catch on to. Did it all with a Air of innocence and a smile on his face!! You will be ok put some soft music on in your room,candles,aroma therapy really pamper yourself!! You deserve it you have been through allot!!

  • #23031

    lostandalone22
    Participant

    My thing is every body thinks he is great until they really get to know him and uses them for something. i did hear that he was at the movies with someone Friday night and my heart sank i know i should be thinking good let her deal with him and his abuse but it still hurt. I know i can get through this though now that I have people to talk to and who understand!

  • #23035

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    You just need to realize that what you just started is the truth. You know the truth ya ya everyone thinks he’s a nice guy. They save all the really evil bad stuff for that special lady in their life. Lord have mercy on his next target. You know the truth that’s all that matters this him looking good and you feeling terrible is all part of the game he has played. Just try to live for you tell yourself he will not consume your thoughts EVERY time you think of him! We will all walk this road together. We know what’s instore for anyone they get with and believe it or not. I have met people who thought they were gonna die without their abuser and now they are a distant memory a nightmare they once had and they are happy I even met some that are happily remarried! Two that even have gone on to have babies with very loving men. The future will be the brightest days yet!!

  • #23038

    lostandalone22
    Participant

    I CAN NOT wait until the day I wake up and he isn’t the first thing I think of. I know it will happen but I pray it does soon!

  • #23039

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    you enjoy your Day with your daughter! You and I are both waiting for that day when we wake up not thinking about them! I just say to myself/my lord I will not let him consume my mind anymore!

  • #23049

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    This has been a hard day I just keep trying to push forward and find things to do! Laid out got my back done it started raining so I have to wait and go tan the front😆 I want to get a job, I want my head to slow down. I do not feel balanced enough to work but I feel so worthless and I think that if I find something to throw myself into I will start getting some hope back…that there is something for me I guess what do you all think. Too soon??

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ladybugg.
  • #23050

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    I can’t believe how strong I can feel one day and then the next just be at total mess again!! I have had a terrible day today!! I made it through though and it’s not a missing him thing it’s a angry enough to spit nails that he can just be so happy go lucky and act as if I never mattered to him. Although hell I have felt that way for the last two years most all the time while he’s constantly dropping hints that he can replace me in a heartbeat and trying to make me jealous I never acted on any of it though I told him it was obvious to me he was planting seeds to make me jealous (I thought he was feeling insecure) could not find any other logical reason so I just kept trying to show him more love. He has made me feel empty and just crushed I literally hate men now anytime anyone try’s to talk to me I am trying to find a reason to not like them. This purely sucks for me because I pushed every relationship away before him. (Even tried to push him away) he kept winning me over with all his over the top gestures! Oh I am just sick and hopeless feeling maybe tommorow will be better😁 Night all!!

  • #23052

    lostandalone22
    Participant

    Sorry i wasn’t able to comment back yesterday my phone died and i didn’t get home until late.. I understand one day is good and one day is bad. Yesterday was great because i was busy all day enjoying my daughter. I think getting a job would be a great idea. I throw myself into work and it helps so much. Hope you are having a much better day today!

  • #23053

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    It was horrible to start!! Yes it is getting better though thanx I am glad you had fun with your daughter!! I think I am gonna start looking for one thx!!

  • #23365

    nokarma
    Participant

    Ladybug,,,congratulations on staying strong and know full well that who u thougth u married & who u fell in love with DID not exist,,,instead the man u married sounds emotionally and mentally abusive, borderline and some one just controlling and dangerous ….who was getting off on your pain and being cruel …you need to tap into what ever ANGER u can muster in order to protect yourself….u have the promise and the word of every survivor on here that your life WILL be better, more peaceful, honest and tranquil with this person totally out of your life,,,,call him what he is an Abuser, a Destroyer of heart & spirit…..do not use his name …when u think of him think of the insults & the demeaning abuse he loved to give you ….mine said to me after we married when he began to treat me and talk to me worse than a dog!!! (old term expression since I treat my dogs like kings but you get it right?) He says to me well now I am just more comfortable to show the REAL me !!! of great right!! that was after years & years together …was able to keep it locked up until the ring was on my finger then its like another person stepped in ,,heartless, brutal , selfish, a liar, cheater, nasty manipulator,,,,I was In love of the image of who I thougth he was or who he wanted me to think he was….now in hind sight 3 years post trauma ….and no contact … I see he is nothing but a little selfish narcissistic sociapth punk ,,,now he is making at least two other women’s life’s hell…and this guy is almost 70!!! if you cant change the sadness to anger, rage & disgust all the better for you

    ….use the anger to heal, to get strong….focus that energy on your self …enjoy your life it goes so fast …leave the little punk slithering in his own backwash and evil energy…..remember you miss things that did not exist….& its ok to still want love, a relationship, some one to care for you & yearn…etc.. that is what you are missing///yes yearn for those things that is fine…& know they are not within his grasp to know or give you
    just know that these did not exist with him. ….

    u cant get blood from a turnip…no matter how sad you feel, or how hard you try….peace to you and courage my dear!!! you are fabulous and stronger than you think as well as a lot wiser.!! :)))

  • #23369

    Ladybugg
    Participant

    Thank you NOKARMA!! I have an update for you all. I went back….I am gone again have been for a week tommorow. I am happy to say I left for good this time. I also found allot of stuff out…which will be handy for the book I am writing!
    I am at peace this time and have been since I left what I found out was enough to just put a cinch tie on the whole bag of garbage!
    I felt compelled to go talk to the neighbor at first I felt I would look foolish ,but I steadied myself and told myself if I use the right attitude I won’t. Boy am I glad I did! I just simply said “may I have a conversation with you?” and she said “sure come on in” she has always been soo sweet to me.
    I said “I am just gonna ask you is there anything going on with you and $&@#?” I said “because if there isn’t he sure wants me to think there is”
    She said “no not at all”
    The whole reason I went over there was the night before she walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder and I felt the aproach was rather too comfertable. I then asked him about it and he tried to gas light me (to build suspicion) I said “I saw the way she approached you” he yelled “She did not touch me” (gas lighting) I said “I never said anything about her touching you, but yes she did”

    Right there at her kitchen table I told her he tried to gas light me.
    She said “yes he did I most certainly did put my hand in his shoulder, he’s my friend that’s how I am I am touchy feely” I said “and that’s fine I don’t care, he wants me to though” I proceeded to tell her that he throws her name in everything and in giving her an example I said “one time we were gonna watch a movie and he said oh it’s over at her house”
    She said “stop right there he is most certainly trying to make you jealous” took me into her living room and said “I do not have a DVD, honey I have never borrowed a movie from him!”
    I then said “well maybe he is just trying to make me jealous so I’ll move back in” she looked me in the eyes and said “it’s not for love, he is trying to control you” she said “I can see you, that man will emotionally put you on the ground” I knew she had been there herself.
    She said earlier in the conversation “don’t stay with him because you love him throw that word out, if you don’t have respect,communication,honesty,and trust there is no love. Those 4 things equal love” We became friends that day. She walked me to the door (the whole time I was trying not to cry seeing the lengths he’d gone to to make me jealous) I stepped out and turned around and said “I am so sorry I just had to know, I tried so hard not to cry inside” she said “I know I saw, come here give me a hug, you have nothing to be sorry for” I broke down.
    The day I left him I said “by the way does she still have those movies”
    He said “what” I said “oh never mind you’ll just say you never said that” he yelled “no you brought it up finish it” so I said ” One time you said she borrowed movies from you, does she still have them?” He says “I don’t know I don’t even know what movies they were” I said “Oh cuz she never borrowed any movies from you, she does not even have a DVD player” he exploded said “I knew you were over there fishing, Fine believe her”
    Needless to say I pointed out many other lies and minipulative ploys I caught onto. Same Scene occurred I cried he kept saying it just doesn’t work, but he loves me claims he has tried as hard as he can (which he does not try at ALL) and doesn’t want it to be this way. While he is pushing me out the door (with his unwillingness to work on anything yelling at me for talking and treating me like crap) I started to leave and he says “You don’t know that you won’t be back” (he’s telling me he want’s me to go and it doesn’t work so why would he say that?)
    It’s all crazy confusing and I am glad it’s gone! I could tell when I left this time it was the last time there is so much more to it then that but I have already wrote a novel lol.
    Ya’ll will have to read the Book!
    I agree with you so much though NOKARMA I changed how I saw him! I did not need to have compassion on him because he feels nothing. He destroys anyone who loves him and he is happy as a lark doing it! I gained a good friend two actually his ex wife and I have become close too! So all your advise is right on! It has been a week I don’t miss, yearn, or panic. I have changed my mind set. (I know I was programmed to do so) so I say I will not believe his and the Devils lies anymore and it vanishes. All that’s left is anger! I wake up mad. I read my bible and it vanishes though. So I am doing for me and reprogramming my own mind I tell myself the opposite of what he tried to make me believe, and every other wonderful thing I can think to say about myself. I uncovered soooo much when I went back that my certainty in who he really is….well that was all the closure I needed!

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