Help me get through this pain!


This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  sun smith 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #23499


    Hello all,

    I am new to this page and don’t know if anyone has experienced what I am going through. I was fixed up with a N by a mutual friend and we hit it off immediately!! We found out we grew up in the same town, same age, same mutual friends but somehow never knew each other. We both ended up in my current town and have kids that went to school together, still didn’t know each other. It was magical and I fell hard for him within a month or so of our first date. However, the conflicts started within about 2 weeks. He chastised me for my tone in speaking to him. Soon it was nitpicking my clothes not being good enough or girlie enough, about things I was working on around my house and he never had a compliment, always a criticism. We were on and off about every two weeks. If I booted him out he would come back saying all the right things and I kept taking him back or would beg him to come back if he left me. I won’t go into all the details because it’s the same as everyone else’s story. Suffice it to say I changed from a fun, strong, intelligent, sweet, loving woman to a quiet, very serving, give-up-what I want to do, deeply in love idiot! He then didn’t like the person he molded me into.

    After nearly 18 months of this on and off and nothing I did was ever good enough, but I thought we were on a great path and finally met his mother, he blindsided me with a breakup that was more cruel and final than any before. That was mid-May and I was completely devastated. I guess to ease what little conscious he had, he asked me out to dinner the next day but it ended up a whole day with his son 2 days later. I was more confused than I had ever been in our drama filled life. That night he stormed off again, and was acting really weird and avoiding me for another couple of weeks. Over the first 2 weeks of June we had minimal communication and the last phone call I had with him on June 15th he said “I’m adamant about not dating anyone. I’m not sleeping with anyone and I don’t see that changing anytime soon!” He also text me that “it’s the same thing, you want a commitment and I don’t.”

    On Aug 16th, 8 WEEKS!!!, after saying that to me, my daughter who he has convinced he is one of her best friends, tells me, “he’s getting married next week and he said it was okay to tell you.” She and I had a huge fight because I have a problem with their friendship but that is another mess. Needless to say I became even more of a mess than I was before!!! I have been able to confirm that he did in fact get married and he has convinced everyone he met her since we split. Met and married in less than 3 months!! I spent nearly everyday with him for 18 months!! We are both young retirees so we had a lot of time and basically crammed several years of relationship into 1 1/2 years!

    I am in counseling, on anti depressants, going to a life coaching class, but I cannot get a handle on my roller coaster of emotions. It’s interfering in my daily life. I have tried dating but I have no “spark” with other men, I barely sleep, can’t concentrate, and I am constantly hit with long waves of debilitating sadness and crying mixed with feelings of, “he always treated me like shit” and grab onto all negative memories I can muster to try to realize I should be glad he’s gone. But it’s quickly lost again in “why not me? I loved him insanely, doted on him, and shared sooo many things! It should have been me!” Wondering who she is, trying to picture their wedding not hating her because she doesn’t know any better and I know what’s coming for her, sadly. And on and on. His ending it changed my life drastically! I don’t have him or our friends that we hung out with the most as he has now replaced me with her. So I have no one. My kids live far away as do my closest friends. I am trying to build a life without him but I struggle greatly on a daily basis.

    So, I got a double whammy within 3 months, an unexpected break up and him getting married! If anyone has words of advice I would greatly appreciate them!

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by  need2heal.
  • #23504

    Donna Andersen

    need2heal – I am so sorry for your experience. Unfortunately, everything that you are describing are typical of sociopathic manipulation, and your reaction is normal for someone who has been targeted by a sociopath.

    We have many articles on Lovefraud that may help you. You can look in this section:


    Please don’t consider this part of my response to be just a “sales pitch,” but my Lovefraud CE program – the “Lovefraud Recovery Bundle,” is precisely designed to help people who have experienced what you have experienced. It explains exactly why you fell for him, why you got addicted (because that’s what you’re feeling), what his objective was, and how you can move forward. It’s probably the fastest way for you to understand what happened. You might want to check it out.


  • #23544

    sun smith

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