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Help I'm losing it! I'm desparately obsessed

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  sp 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #24082

    sparklepants
    Participant

    I’ve never posted here before but I’ve been reading and it has helped me some. I desparately need help. I’ve exhausted all my friends.
    This is my story. It’s long so bear with me please.

    I have been seeing a married narcissist since May.. started suddenly one night out watching a band dancing together. love bombing for 2 months telling me continuously that he loved me, never felt this way before with anyone, etc. then I finally fell in love with him the same way and told him I loved him too. That was it.
    That weekend he went MIA… reading my texts but not answering me for 3 days. Then we didn’t see each other for a few more days and when we did he wouldn’t talk about it but said he missed me and he was sorry.
    we continued to see each other but it would be great for a few days.. then MIA again…
    Then telling me his life at home was miserable and he was barely there. he would spend the night with me quite often in the beginning.
    then he took his daughter to college and he spent the weekend there with wife. came back and was telling me all about it.
    was super attentive texting/calling while away but lied about how long he’d be gone… said overnight then it was 5 days..
    then we had fight and I said I felt like lowest priority in his world like I was nothing to him. said he was never leaving her and it was all bullshit and lies with him. i said it was over with us.
    he said it would never be over with us. Kissed me and left.
    we didn’t see each other for 3 weeks but i was obsessed with him.
    i finally texted then called him and it was back on.
    as usual we didn’t address anything as he just wont and I was so happy to have him back… we had a great night then i had to leave for a business trip
    for the entire time i was gone he bombarded me with calls/texts telling me he was miserable at home and was going to move out. missed me etc.
    then when i came home he came over and only stayed for 2 hours! said it was important that he went home needed to do the right thing was trying to be a good guy… I flipped out. after a week of love bombing now and more lies he did a complete 180.
    I freaked out and he just continued to get ready to leave. I begged him to stay but he wouldn’t. It was also the Friday before my birthday which was coming up on Tuesday. The same day as his ex-girlfriend.
    I asked him if I would see him over the weekend… he said “yes or the next day or whatever” and that we’d spend my birthday together.
    I felt more depressed than ever. Didn’t sleep. Got up in the morning and walked down the block to the beach. I though of walking in the water and killing myself. I’ve never felt so low like that.
    i texted him and told him that and he told me to stop my bullshit. that his daughter had come home for a surprise visit.
    I didn’t hear from him the rest of that weekend. I didn’t hear from him on my birthday but had made plans with a bunch of friends to go to the corner bar so I went there. right before I arrived there I saw a picture taken that sunday, just 2 days before, of him at that same bar with his ex-girlfriend and another girl celebrating her birthday! while he ignored me the whole weekend. he probably lied about his daughter even coming home.
    I flipped out and texted him the picture. and told him that it was my birthday and blasted him.
    he never wrote back.
    i was devastated again. Another week went by and somehow we ended up talking. Again I think it was me contacting him. he said we were better than this and he wanted to get together to talk.
    we made plans to get together that friday.
    as the day approached i got a sinking feeling that he was going to break the date and not show up . I arranged to take a half day and got home eaarly. i was a nervous wreck. full of anxiety.
    i texted and texted. no replies. i told him i left work early to make it easier on him because he gets out of work so much earlier than me. finally he got back to me and was mad. he said he didn’t tell me to leave work early. he wasn’t sure when he’d get out of work. i had to convince him to say he would definitely come so i said please come “we don’t even have to talk about anything I just want to see you”. he said he would come.
    of course I only said that to get him to come thinking once he got there we would talk about things but of course he would talk about anything and got angry when i brought it up.
    he said… “ill leave”
    i let it go and we had sex and got drunk and after a while he apologized up and down and said he loved me and felt bad about hurting me and on and on. he told me he never felt this way and was so in love with me. he stayed over until 6am. and said he’d call me later.
    I don’t know why but the next day i got thinking about all we hadn’t talked about and how he hadn’t even wished me a happy birthday. then i started to wonder if he even knew my last name. I don’t know why but i felt sure he didn’t even know it. after 5 months!!!
    i never heard from him the next day.
    On Sunday i went out to watch football and on the way home i ran into him. He made a point of flirting with the barmaid in front of me. then showed me his phone to prove he had accidentally deleted all my texts… but of course he wanted me to see another girls name on there.
    he came home with me and stayed over again and we both called in sick to work the next day.
    i asked him if he knew my last name. he said the wrong last name. I don’t know if he was just fucking with me or really didn’t know. either way it was awful.
    later i asked him if he ever thought of living with me and that i wanted him to. he said he would love to and of course he thought about it. he talked about the expenses of his daughter in college and how “he couldn’t keep up with my bank account”. I make a lot more money than he does although he doesn’t know that for a fact but i think on some level he knows it.
    Anyway, he has a way of fucking with me all the time that makes me so nervous and anxious. we were sitting watching tv and he said “I’m going to leave in an hour at 2 ” i said oh. I thought you would stay
    until 4. He said “no”. then he got up and started to get dressed and was ready to call the cab in 5 minutes.. not an hour. I asked why he was suddenly rushing out. he said, “see you’ll never be happy with anything. I stayed 17 hours but it’s not enough”. I got upset and told him it was just how he handled it and it freaked me out because I didn’t want him to go home to his wife and i didn’t want to be alone. he said he wasnt going to come over anymore if i was going to get like this. i forced myself to calm down and apologized. i walked him to the door. he said we would be fine as long as he didnt feel cornered. but he makes me crazy.
    that was october 24.
    I texted him later twice and thanked him for spending so much time with me. no reply.
    i texted him the next day. (he has told me many times that he loves to get texts from me but that he can’t easily respond but if I didn’t text him he would get angry).
    i texted him several times on Tuesday and Wednesday but he barely responded. I said “I’m sorry for so many texts just trying to make you smile”
    he finally replied “you make me smile and laugh”
    but next day i didn’t text because i felt so neglected and like i was chasing him. i wanted to see if he would initiate contact if i stopped. he didn’t.
    i didn’t hear from him for over a week. I was a wreck. i tried to be done with him. wrote a thousand letters to myself. I’ve exhausted my friends with this. I went out and got very drunk and locked myself out of my house the night before a very big meeting.
    I’m unraveling and doing very self-destructive things. I’m completely obsessed and feel like I”m going to have a nervous breakdown.
    i went out that sunday 11/6 and went to the bar where his friend Mary was. I pulled her aside and cried to her and begged her to help me figure out what was going on. I poured my heart out to her like a fool… i don’t trust her at all I just didn’t know who else to go to.
    she said she would try to speak to him that week.
    I went home and texted him like crazy and called but no reply.
    the next day he called me
    he said he missed me and wanted to see me. we texted all day backand forth. i said i wished he still felt about me like he had in the beginning. he said he did and that I rocked his world. he said he had been an insenstive ass and that he was sorry he hurt me. i couldn’t believe it. i told him i needed to hear that so bad.

    i told him i was on vacation all next week and wanted to see him. he said he would.

    then the next day he was off for election day. he called me in the morning but I was on subway and couldn’t hear him. he texted me that he’d call later.

    He didn’t call later. I tried him later but his phone went right to voicemail. then i texted him multiple times throughout the rest of the day and night but it didn’t even show as delivered. I think he turned his phone off or blocked me.

    the next day i texted him in the morning and asked what was wrong that I hadn’t heard from him and he blasted me saying “don’t tell me I don’t text you I do. I’m not going to spend my whole day on the phone”

    I didn’t text him or call him again since Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him.. I was going to send him a text saying I was done with him but it felt like he was done with me in spite of everything he said on Monday

    Why am i so obsessed with this man? I have never been in such a state before. He is not attractive. He has a shitty job and makes no money. He treats me like shit. takes me completely for granted. lives with someone else. he is completely toxic for me. he never takes me out. He gives me no attention. I’m a mess.
    I’m a basket case. I’m in therapy and she wants to put me on medication.

    I am a 51 year old woman. I have a very succesful career. I own my own home. I have a close family and good friends. I’m told I’m beautiful. Why is this happening.

    I just spent the last 2 hours texting him and begging him to call me. he finally did and acted like he didn’t see my messages and is all casual.
    I said I’m a fucking mess. I haven’t seen you in 3 weeks. I don’t hear from you. You don’t text me or call me. what did I do?
    He says “what? you didn’t do anything. I’ve been busy. I’m working OT I’m in bed by 7:30. What are you doing later? Let me call you in an hour I’m with the guys now at work” I said ok.

    i am letting this man ruin my life. what can I do?

    Please help me.

    patti

  • #24083

    sparklepants
    Participant

    Well he never called me which sent me into a tailspin. I texted him another dozen times sometimes just sending “?” no response and of course he eventually blocked me or his battery died as he claimed on tuesday. I dont think that stops texts from being delivered but maybe it does. who knows

    I guess he has a new gf or has rekindled with his wife or i’m being punished for something.

    i haven’t seen him in 3 weeks. i’m begging this loser to call me or respond and I can’t even function.

    so I sent him the final text and left him a voicemail that I’m done. He obviously doesn’t want to be with me and I’m making a fool of myself. I told him i’m deleting his phone number and won’t bother him again.

    I don’t even know if he will get my text or my message. but I have to walk away. he won’ treat me any better and this is where I will always be. I can’t take it.

    i’m on vacation next week. so i’m going to try to not drink every day and obsess on him. i need support and my friends just say “move on” “get over it” I’m in therapy and she wants me to go on anti something but I feel like that will be a slippery slope plus Im worried how it would mix with alcohol.

    i have to tough this out so tomorrow is day 1 NC.

    any support here would be much appreciated.

    thanks!

    • #24164

      sp
      Participant

      Wow! This sounds alot like what I have been going through for 12 years with my BF. Yeah, I am finally coming to grips this week with having to walk away. My life is miserable. I posted on the general forum page and there was so much I said but have so much more that I need to get out. I’m an emotional wreck today. I am going to have to send him a text saying it is “over”. I am thinking he will try to win me back as he has so many times in the past but those times I didn’t actually make it to the point of “over.” I know he is playing me and I have to convince myself I will be so much better off when I break it off. Just so hard and painful but the pain of listening to his excuses and BS is intolerable anymore. I really need feedback from this site.

  • #24088

    AnnettePK
    Participant

    Sparkle,

    It sounds like you recognize the danger you are in, and how intense this spath’s hold on you is. Consider that he may have used hypnotic techniques on you, and preyed on your vulnerabilities to hook you. It sounds like you recognize that you are addicted and obsessed.

    From what you describe he is a typical sociopath. He is a liar and a manipulator and he does not care about your well being. He will cause you more pain and more harm as long as you interact with him. There will not be a happy ending.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is the most difficult thing for you to do, but it will save your life, your money, your career, your friendships, your physical and mental and spiritual health. This post describes how to have no contact with a dangerous person http://www.lovefraud.com/are-you-a-target/leaving-a-sociopath/no-contact/
    You can find more information on ‘no contact’ by a Google search.

    Consider making it a priority to have no contact of any kind with him. It will be very difficult due to the addiction he has created in you; but you will feel better sooner when you are not interacting with him which always creates more pain for you.

    This guided relaxation recording designed for women ending relationships with pathological men helped me a lot. I listened to it every night for about a year, and it helped me deprogram the hypnotic suggestions my ex psychopath used to lure me and manipulate me. You can listen to a sample here: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/guided-relaxation-for-repairing-the-aftermath-of-pathological-love-relationships

    Committing to no contact is difficult, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Getting away from someone who is harming you will result in you thinking clearly, getting yourself back again, and possibly saving your life.

    Take good care of yourself, and let us know how things are going.

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