An Accidental Case Study – Darkness Behind a Sociopath/Narc At Work-LoveInterest
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August 12, 2016 at 12:12 pm #23239
Well this was an accidental “Case Study” for me and I hope this helps anyone on this forum! I was married to 15 years to a sociopath, needless to say I am well versed in this area. We shall him Walter. Walter was a very self-centered man and for 15 years we put on a beautiful show for our audiences. Inside our home – a very different story. He was a proficient and pathological liar. A cheater and a man devoid of anything but smoke and mirrors. I didn’t care enough about him to truly understand what was at play there. Marriage ends when he can no longer cover up his tracks (that woman became pregnant). Marriage ends begins to end in 2008 and had its finality in April 2009. I remarried in 2011. I have married an amazing fully functional non-sociopathic, normal, man. Happily so for the last 5 1/2 years.
Moving on to the inadvertent/accidental run in with a sociopath/narc I have been working with for 8 years. We have solely been friends (I don’t tend to have any male friends because men sometimes blur lines and I just cannot have that drama or problem. This friend of mine we shall call Norman has been a friend for 8 years along with many others here. There was a moment where we crossed paths a few months ago and I stopped myself and realized there was some strange chemistry and I cannot tell you how strong that was (But I saw the sociopath I hadn’t seen before). My best friend is getting her degree in psychology and we decided this may make a good “case study” since the subject didn’t know this was a true raw look on how a sociopath works. Not emotionally invested – this would be an objective look at the mind behind a “broken/shattered” man. He is very good-looking. Very suave, very accomplished. I didn’t realize how distorted this man and his thought process were. After 8 years – for a moment he saw me as his prey. That is how sociopaths work. He began to try to swoon me – all of which I allowed him to think he was doing. No physical contact. All words, stopping by the office to see how I was, asking me out, it was a completely different man! We began a deeper friendship and I got into the inner workings of a sociopath at work and how they try to lure women in – now in an objective manner. Some key things. He appeared to be very methodical. Very calculated. Very strategic. A proficient and quick liar. He can’t keep up with the lies. He only cares about HIMSELF. He came first, second, third and fourth. His wife always seemed so very angry when she came into the office. We couldn’t understand why. I GET IT. She is his Primary Source of Supply. He discarded her the moment he married her. He is always searching for his Secondary Source of Supply. This woman is alone 90% of the time. I have kept a journal of his time here at the office. He spends all of his time here. If he is not here (by virtue of being friends I know what he does in his spare time), he is here until days end (he determines what that is). He plays sports with his friends until late at night, 3 times a week. He is socializing on other nights and MAY afford her one night a week. Possibly. She must be so lonely. Things got far worse – I now piece that together – when they had the child 2 years ago. She is now a slave to him and to a caregiver for their child since he is never home. She had a flat tire the other day and he was busy and asked her to call someone to help her. Her needs are never met. She looks like an emotionally beaten down person. During all of this time, he has tried to seduce me and tried to make this more than what it is, a friendship.
He gets extremely angry with me and at me (this is done on purpose by me to see how the mind works because I think information is power for all of us) when he sees I don’t fall into his trap. When a sociopath lies, they either clench their jaw, open their mouths, he coughs when he is uncomfortable and hold their Adam’s apple or swallow hard. He tries to push my buttons (nothing to push – no feelings other than friendship). He reacts poorly when I don’t react. He does things to get a rise out me now knowing he is truly a Case Study. He has admitted he can have no sex for weeks on end and doesn’t understand how anyone needs physical contact all the time (claims the wife doesn’t understand his lack of physical needs). He is an overgrown child. He is now convinced he has “feelings” for me but cannot state what those are. He has no feelings – for anyone. I believe he is trying VERY hard to obtain/extract his supply by using our friendship as a basis for entering into my world. A very important note here. They are not consistent people. He is admittedly impulsive and devoid of true human emotion.
People are pawns for these predators. This man has been my friend for 8 years. He thought or is thinking I may fall prey to his game – what he lacks is consistency. He has employed a few tactics to escalate his sociopathic behavior. He has offered to take me out (again this has NEVER happened in the years I have known him as he knows well and good I don’t fall into that – he is sure trying). He is a completely different man than what he was. He is always trying to punish me with silent treatments and well needless to say after I became “prey” – the friendship has changed and now its game on. The sociopath is at play rearing his true ugly head.
This morning I got a message that said – we cannot be friends again – you need to learn that life isn’t how you want it. Friendship with the enemy… I will keep you all posted on Case Study/Norm.
August 13, 2016 at 12:38 am #23250
It doesn’t sound like he has the capacity to be a friend. Since you’ve figured him out, you might consider spending your energy and time relating to people who appreciate you and who care about your well being. He sounds like a waste of time that could be spent in real relationships that enhance the well being of everyone involved. He is only about game playing.
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