Reply To: Is he a Sociopath? What to do?
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Dear Glendelka, I’m so sad to hear of your situation with this two-timing man. If you have a women’s crisis line where you live, that would be where you could call first.
You wrote: ” I always forgave.” One thing I learned after 9 years with an abusive man, forgiving him every time, believing him when he apologized…etc etc. On the one and only time I read the religion page in the newspaper, I read this from a minister there: “You can forgive, but that does not mean you have to have this person in your life”!!!
Up till I read that, I had thought that forgiving means “forgive, forget, and start again.” Not now!!! It’s no contact. My ex- kept calling me, and I defeated this harassment. How I did that I describe below. I believe in you, and other women who are suffering. I know that you can find a way out. I know that you can have a better life. Other people here can offer specific ways to help.
After I broke up with my ex- and made him move out, he kept calling me. He was very charming and funny, and I listened for about 2-3 minutes, but every time, I ended up crying — he tricked me! He owned me $3000. So I said, “Don’t call me until you are ready to pay the $3000 you owe me.” After that, every time he called, I would pick up the phone with ONLY THESE WORDS — I didn’t even say Hello, [his name]. I said, “Oh good!!! You are ready to pay the $3000 you owe me.” It only took 3-4 of these types of calls, and he stopped calling.
You might consider the same tactic — Say “Don’t call me unless you are ready to repay the $_____________ I paid for our trip to________” Then, if he calls again, say,”Oh good! You are ready to pay the $___ you own me!” You will probably never get your money — but at least he’ll probably stop calling you.
If he writes to you, shred or tear up the letter without readign it. If he emails you, delete it without reading it. Do NOT “warn” him you are doing this…just do it. Don’t say, “If you write/email/text, etc etc me, I will delete it. No! Just do it. If your apps, phone, etc, have the option of blocking a number, do that. Find out how.