Maybe someone here will understand. I have a relative who is going through much of what you describe.
I don’t mean any disrespect if you are real person, but are you for real? Are you a real person, or spam? We had a spammer recently which is why I ask.
Whichever, the bottom line is, it’s a bad idea to have a male friendship if one is married, or in a committed relationship. As you have now realized.