Reply To: Failed at No Contact
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Hi Jaybird, remember me…first…I am back at 0 of no contact myself. You are not alone, ever. I finally admitted to my sister that I was still talking to him. When I thought that I had blocked him, something went wrong with Sprint and yesterday I wake up to a text from him. I cried a lot yesterday. I thought I had blocked him, but didn’t. I wanted to test out that it had worked. So, I texted him everything I needed to say to get closure for myself. He saw everything and just didn’t respond. I was so confused.
Anyway, for the people that are still attempting to go no contact, we are in a “comfortable” situation, meaning we are used to it. So while it isn’t normal to people looking in, it is to us. It is a merry-go-round. I agree with many things everyone has said. I did notice that you are blaming yourself and probably for everything. Saying the world Failure, sets yourself up to FAIL. You are already in a negative situation and being more negative is just what these narcissists want.
The guy in my life is all calm now, we don’t fight, but I am still an emotional wreck. He thinks I am mad, so he still wins even if I don’t talk to him. Looking back at what he said to me yesterday, my “rant” looks “crazy.” “Are you mad, like always. I was going to come over, but then I saw all the stuff you said and was like never mind.” If he were a normal man, he would address my heart felt cry for wanting to be treated better, but he doesn’t care.
We have to grieve for the “idea” of the relationship, of what it could have been (my therapists words). We need to lose hope that they cannot change, but we are “trauma bonded” to these men. We have an emotional connection that is hard to break because we feel so deeply. The fact that we allow the abuse (for me anyway) may say that I don’t love myself enough and it could well have been way before him too.
Keep your head up and look yourself in the mirror and say, “I am worth it.” Hugs!!!