Reply To: Failed at No Contact
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Jaybird, It was extremely difficult for me to get away from my ex psychopath. What eventually motivated me was the damage that he was doing to my minor son.
The stress and anxiety you experience will not go away as long as you have contact with your abuser. He wants you to feel stressed and anxious and he is doing everything he can to make you feel that way; and he may be blaming you for how you feel.
Consider making a plan to get away and to have no contact. You can always go back to him, but consider giving no contact a chance. Once you get through the beginning stages that are so difficult, you will likely think more clearly, be happier, and eventually you won’t want to have anything to do with him.
When you joke that it would take a lobotomy you are recognizing the control he is exercising over you. You might consider asking friends to help you stay away; or getting a restraining order in which case you would be breaking the law if you contact him.
Can you move to another community, take a job overseas? My next door neighbor, an RN, went to Africa to work for a year after a relationship she was in failed.
Once you’re away from him, it’s a good time to read books about spaths, but the key to success is first priority to get away from him and maintain no contact.