lf1

Reply To: Failed at No Contact

#25331

Synergy
Participant

Thanks, cyndyinaz. You wrote to Jaybird: “You will not fall for superficial charm and you will recognize compassion and genuineness. they are sneaky and shady and know how to fool people – nice people get fooled and don’t expect this because they are nice..”

Sigh. All I can say is, maybe get other “opinions” and other friends’ and family “intuitions” and impressions of any new guy, once you are free again. And take these friends/family very seriously. If you become entranced, heavily influenced, swept up by love — take these people very seriously, and consider breaking off at the beginning. Bad examples of when I did not do that:

1. One husband’s former girlfriend told me, early in my relationship with the guy, “If he ever tells you he made a lot of money, don’t believe him.” Red flag red flag red flag….and of course I paid absolutely no attention.

2. The more I learned, the better the sociopaths got at fooling me. My suspicion is that they saw the “new me,” the educated me about people like them, as a greater challenge to “break me.”

It would have helped me a lot if I’d’ve known people to evaluate these people before I got into real relationships with them.

3. If you get into fights with the guy, drop him. I got into fights early on with guys. Since I grew up in a home with a lot of fighting, it seemed normal, and I did not leave right away. Big mistake.

4. It was not till I was over 60 years old before the pattern stopped.

I hope you learn effective self-protection better than I did, and before you get to be 60.