Reply To: Failed at No Contact
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comments by Synergy and Jan 7 are awesome, so I am not sure what I can offer, but I just wanted to say that I think it is awesome that you are applying yourself and learning so much about your narc and about being in a relationship with one. Learning is a process – just think – from what you have learned – you are a step ahead from where you were before you broke up last time – you are more aware of what is happening – the manipulation – the games he plays – the devaluing – and I think this makes you stronger.
Maybe with your new knowledge, experiencing it from the perspective of knowing that it is, being able to call it out in your head and process it, all of this will help you move to detachment and acceptance, and I mean accepting that his behaviors are willful and intentional – that he is essentially evil and his brain isn’t capable of the things your brain is capable of – such as empathy and remorse – and he will never “get it” because of that. A hard pill to swallow – I know – I am at that point too.
Maybe going back and having to go through this to get to the point of accepting that he was a sham – phony – selfish user – will keep you from being vulnerable in the future to his manipulation – or even to anyone else’s manipulation. You will be stronger. You will have more insight into people. You will not fall for superficial charm and you will recognize compassion and genuineness. they are sneaky and shady and know how to fool people – nice people get fooled and don’t expect this because they are nice, which is not a bad thing – but now you will be one step ahead (hope that made sense – it’s late)
Have you read Psychopath Free – that is a good book as well, by the way.
Wishing you the best.