Reply To: Narcissist or PTSD
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It’s been upwards of six years. No physical abuse, but I won’t say I haven’t been scared of that as anger is sometimes over powering.
I have my own friends and I have our mutual friends. He has never had an issue with my friend or family time. He really doesn’t do a lot besides go to work and come home, the problem is drinking happens AT work and on the way home from work. The occasional nights out at the bar, but those are few and far between. Usually on those nights, it ends in me going to get him at all hours of the night.
As for my family, that’s a tougher one because I have sort of an alienated relationship with them by choice and before him. The family that I do have relationships with, he does as well. Not great ones, but by no means encourages me to stay away. We go places, we have fun. I really never feel the narcissist tendencies until I’m asking for what I need. I lose sleep if I know he hurts, and it’s almost like he wants to see how far he can hurt me and how much I can take.
He will flat out say “I want to be better for you.” He will try…for a while…he won’t drink, he’ll come home on time, he’ll call if he won’t be home in time, etc. But then there will be one set back…where he doesn’t call or he gets too drunk. I am understanding. I don’t harp on it, but instead of acknowledging anything. I am not his mother, I have no intentions of pointing out what he is done. But I do expect him to acknowledge that MY FEELINGS MATTER. I would be okay with a “sorry, I got too drunk” or what have you. But, I just won’t hear from him at all. For weeks. I assume so he can avoid taking any responsibility. Which is something HE CANNOT DO. Nothing is his fault…UNTIL he “wants back in.” However, still zero affection.
I have established boundaries that I will not move in with him under unstable circumstances. So moving or closing myself off to just him is far out of the question for me.
I have to be okay with asking for things I need. I am more than willing to make sacrifices. I am more than willing to forgive mistakes and overcome setbacks. BUT, if I am not so much as even allowed to ask for more communication or ask to do things that I need in the relationship without the silent treatment following it has to get better or it has to stop. I do not want to give up on him, if there is hope. I don’t want to give up on me, if there isn’t.