Reply To: Hi – I'm a sociopath.
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Hi – I'm a sociopath. › Reply To: Hi – I'm a sociopath.
are you still here? I recently posted about being married to someone very similar to you. It is uncanny how the characteristics line up. He is a high functioning sociopath and so unlike the stereotypical bad guy psycho. He is for all intents and purposes a really nice guy. But he has very little (shallow affect) love, empathy, trust and fear. Also no remorse. He triggers over certain issues and becomes frighteningly angry but never violent. He sounds like a hoot, right? He actually is. He laughs easily, is happy, focused, highly intelligent, incredible at reading people and using that to his advantage (manipulation yes but not in an evil way. More like we all do to get things to functions more smoothly. Except he excels beyond the average), does not lie, cheat or steal. He has a code of ethics which basically boils down to the golden rule. However, his sense of justice is often outside of what others might agree with. If he perceives something to be unjust, then it is. And no one else will convince him otherwise. Those people deserve whatever they get dealt, either by him or by others.
He only discovered (through my suggestion) about a year ago that he might be on the ASPD spectrum. Family history, genetics and upbringing came to light and the red flags were everywhere. And he finally had answers as to why his inner landscape seemed so different to that of others. He felt like he had been hiding his real self for decades. His greatest (and most crushing) revelation was that he never loved me the way I loved him. I am still trying to come to grips with that. It simply hurts like hell. But there was no deception, he just didn’t know what was “wrong” with him.
My suspicion is that there are many many people out there like you and my husband. For lack of better terms, I have used “high functioning sociopath” but really I think it is more someone with many ASPD characteristics. Still a sociopath in the emotional deficiency sense but not compulsive, sexually deviant or criminal. To society, they look like highly successful people, often found in positions of power or in solitary type roles. To their families, they present perhaps a slightly less successful interpersonal side.
I am so glad you opened up about “the others” out there. There are many of us who are the parents, spouses or even children of the high functioning sociopath. You are still challenging to neurotypicals but you are also loved beyond measure even if it isn’t something you can return in quite the same way.
I still feel like I am trying to find my group out there, the people like me who are touched by a wonderful ASPD in their life. I have had so many joys with this man and so many awful soul sucking (think dementor) moments too.
I would love to ask you more questions but will leave it at this for now.