Reply To: Damn…I let him in…again
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It sounds like you are friends with him on Facebook? He is being very cruel by doing that just because he knows you are watching. That may not be the best for you right now due to your vulnerabilities to him. I blocked my Narc on Facebook. I had to get my addiction anyway so I created a fake Facebook account not once, but twice. Every time I would see him active, I would get the jolt, my fix, the pull that I would feel in my chest.
I even got tempted to friend him on my fake accounts, to see if he was sharing things with his family/friends that I couldn’t see not being his friend. Hopeful that it would break my addiction to him, like pictures of him and the wife smiling and being “happy.” Again, my need for validation in some shape or form. I know now that wouldn’t work, that would have just made me cry A LOT. Whenever I would mention her on his facebook (it was rare), he would say, “stop looking at my shit, I don’t take pictures WITH HER.” As if that should make me HAPPY. UGh!
You will need the strength to block him. You think you love him, but you also don’t give yourself enough time (and he doesn’t want you to see clearly) to see that he isn’t providing anything for you, but pain. These Narcs hate themselves and they punish themselves with the hate that they want people to have for them. I use to pity him, want to help, fix etc…but you can’t change someone that doesn’t see there is a problem. Wasted energy.
I volunteered at Habitat with Humanity yesterday with my coworkers. Seeing these men and women in loving relationships, laughing, supporting, calling each other babe…it made my heart want that. On the rare chance my Narc says, My love, baby” I have clarity enough only because he isn’t around me a lot to know it is false. WE DESERVE a man that makes us smile.
You will know when enough is enough for you, I can’t help you with that. I can be here for you when you need to talk. I think for people a lot, which is what you are doing by saying your family/therapist will be disappointed. Try not to think for people, the majority of the time you will be wrong.
Day 6 no contact! He doesn’t know that I can’t see his texts, he probably thinks I am mad. My routine after we have sex is get mad at him because he and I know he is using me.