Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
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Oh my gosh, Bamboozled. Bless your heart. What an evil man he is. I know the days of overpowering anguish you’re experiencing. After 24 years, I’ve just experienced the third and final devalue (more like destroy) and discard. The difference is that I beat him to the punch on the discard, he just didn’t realize it. I went no contact immediately and have held on to it for 29 days now. But that’s just background, my tale is for another time.
I want to remind you that narcissists target those in whom they see traits, strengths or characteristics that they do not and can not possess. He may be good-looking, charming, have a good job and a promising future, but inside is a vast black nothingness. They have no soul, so they want yours. And your N wanted yours because it is loving, caring and beautiful. He saw in you the precious person who could possibly validate his existence as being worthy. Obviously, you are intelligent and focused, because you got through law school! Congratulations! And you are what we as targets all tend to be, an empath. We make the best, most trusting, giving, believing, long-suffering prey, and they will feed off us like buzzards feed off roadkill, until there is nothing left.
Like you, I considered suicide after the first time he left me. I didn’t see how I could go on living without him. I realized two things though, one was that I had family and friends who loved and would miss me, and that he would not be affected by it at all. He wouldn’t shed a single tear. So I asked myself why I would give up whatever else lay in my future for someone who would grieve no more for me than he would an ant he squashed with his shoe. So I plodded along, until he sucked me back in and my dumb ass fell for it…another part of my saga.
Honey, you are right on the doorstep of the rest of your life, and the start of your career as an attorney. Obviously you have some serious emotional turmoil in your life right now. Please don’t waste any more of your tears on that man. The harsh reality is that he doesn’t love you, none of them loved any of us, but that is THEIR loss, not ours. We are pretty damn special and he will never be anything nearly as strong and courageous as you are.
Best wishes in your healing journey, with love.