Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
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It sounds like you have a lot to deal with in your life right now. It sounds like he is not contributing to your health; it sounds like he is causing a lot of anxiety and stress in your life. It sounds like you understand that it is best for you to stop interacting with him, but you’re having a difficult time getting through the moments of weakness that come upon most of us when we ended contact with someone who was exploiting us in a relationship.
It sounds like he does not care about your well being. It sounds like he has made promises to you and broken them. You might consider that things he has told you that you have relied on may not be true. He may have no intention of leaving his wife, he may not be sleeping in a separate room, and he may be cheating with other women.
It sounds like he is actively playing games with you. He will probably try very hard to manipulate you back into the relationship pushing every button he knows will work on you. You might consider not reading his emails, nor listening to his voice mails. Consider making a plan in your mind as to how you will politely avoid him if you run into him somewhere, and what you will do if he shows up at your home.
If you get a restraining order, you cannot legally contact him as well as preventing him from contacting you.
When I felt desperately like contacting my ex psychopath, I would write an email and not send it. I knew I could send it anytime, but once I sent it I could not take it back. Almost always, once the craving passed, I didn’t send it. I kept them, and they are like a journal record of my path to get away from his influence.
You can be proud of yourself for accepting that you need to end this relationship for your well being, and for the time you have successfully had no contact with him. Once you get over the hump and maintain no contact, you will feel better. From what you describe, it sounds like he is sadistic, and harmful to you.