lf1

Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him

#25132

bamboozled1216
Participant

Hello everyone,

I thank you all for your encouragement. I am a little embarrassed but even more disappointed in myself to share some bad news. I was in contact with him two days ago. Wednesday night into Thursday morning he started texting and calling. I didnt answer at first but he was apologizing for his behavior and saying what a hard time he was going through and saying he needed to see me. I finally answered him. We talked for a bit and he ended up coming over. He wanted to have sex. I asked him before we did if he had been with anyone else (really meaning his wife). He said “no, ‘she’s’ gone. We arent together anymore” Honestly, I was so happy he had come back around I just took it that she had moved out and didn’t ask him anymore questions. We had sex and he left almost immediately afterwards. I aksed him if he was going to stay gone again like he did this past time and he “no, I will call you this afternoon”. I said ok and asked when would I see him again. He said, I’ll call you Saturday morning and we can do something.

Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him again. I texted him yesterday morning (Friday) asking how his day was and I told him that I loved him…no response. I am right back at square one now. I wish I never answered his calls. I am so foolish because I thought that surely he wouldnt run the risk of losing me by acting this way again. I feel worthless right about now. It has taken, once again, everything in me to not call him today. I know he wouldn’t answer if I did. he asked me a few times the other night how I was feeling. I know he didnt really care how I was feeling or doing. I’ve just gone and confused and hurt myself all over again. I wish this all would just be over. The cancer, this heartache, studying for the bar…all of it. But especially the heartache. I wish more than anything that he would come back to me and things would be like they were before I got sick. I wish he would stop acting this way. He was like a zombie almost when I saw him the other night…no feelings or attachments whatsoever. And the intercourse was excruciating. The chemo has completely dried my body out. It was so painful. He didnt even care about that.

I am so stupid for letting him come back. I wish I were stronger.