Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › New to the Site; Obsessed with Him › Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
Firstly, I am very sorry you have breast cancer. I recently (within the last 2 yrs) had same with multiple surgeries and chemotherapy. I hope whatever treatments you require are going well, and that you are keeping up with what is important…Getting better.
I want to say that YOU did NOTHING to MAKE him ignore and manipulate you. I know you have pointed to your ‘over texting’, etc…Here’s the deal. MANY of us acted in pretty extreme ways before we really got what was actually happening. And many of us have dealt with a significant amount of shame around some of our behaviors. But it is honestly part of what these types strive for at some point, with all of their victims.
They all grow bored with the love-bombing, sharing phase, and at some point they move to the ‘negative emotional responses’ phase to get the biggest bang for the least amount of effort on their part. This way, all he has to do is ignore you and he gets a TON of your emotions and reactions to ‘feed’ off of. It is literally like food for these people, when we give them love and attention, and then when bored, our panic, fear, anger, and reactions. This is how they play it. They always, ALWAYS, move to make the situation more and more negative and explosive at some point. They have to keep ‘upping the ante’ so that they can get more drama from us. They thrive off of conflict and drama. The love-bombing is just a set up to get to this more desirable phase. This negative phase is much easier for them, as it takes much less effort than pretending to love us.
You have not ‘ruined’ anything. This is happening because this is what he is making happen. He likely doesn’t even know that this what he does. But believe me, I don’t say that because I think if you tell him he will change. I only say it to point out that this is so automated in these types that they do it without thought. They are truly robotic in their most basic behavior patterns.
The ‘shell’ or outside props they use to present as certain kinds of people can vary. But under all that facade the behaviors are very easy to spot and predict, once you understand them. And only the PROPS change from time to time, depending on who they are bamboozling.
Think of them as poop cakes, with really varying and pretty icing covering it all up.