Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
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Hi Bamboozled! First I want to say that you are not alone. You have support here. I just joined today thanks to Zari’s book too. I felt like I had no one to talk to because everyone kept telling me (last year) that you are better than him, just move on, and so forth. No one understood, because from the outside he is a man. IT is simple to walk away from a normal man because they don’t make you feel crazy, they don’t want drama. It is a mutual break away. Anyway, your friends and my friends/family don’t know what he does behind closed doors. I met my Narcissist at my last job two years ago. He was my supervisor. Last week, he just told me, “You are mine and you need to do as I say.” My situation is different because he has been with a woman for 18 years and has four kids with her. When it suits him he has a wife just to piss me off and he hooked me by convincing me he was single. I pushed him away for the first half of 2015 and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Right now as I type, I hope to go no contact because he only contacts me 1x/week and I hear nothing from him. It is as if he is just checking in to see if he still has control over me. Grrr. He contacted me yesterday and now there is silence. Deafening silence! It is scary to go no contact and it will be painful, but I can only hope the strength that I know I have will rise up.
I am sorry that you are going through such hard times. I wish you the best as well. You will get to a good place again as need2heal stated. You can’t look into the future with today’s pain. That is a motto I came up with last year because in late 2015 my father died and in 2016 my mother died and then I was trying to mourn my relationship with this man. I thought couldn’t live with out him. So yes, I felt hopeless and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to go on. Plus, he would use me. Five days after my father died, he didn’t care that I was mourning and came around just for sex. Anyway, I have a good therapist now that I can have a conversation with that is void of judgement. I think you would benefit from a therapist as need2heal mentioned. I do know why he isn’t returning your calls, but it is because I educated myself on NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder). I believe if you educate yourself it will also occupy your time and you will find strength as time goes on. All the answers you are searching for are at your fingertips.
The book that Jaybird mentioned is by the author HG Tudor, he is an Elite Narcissist and he has his own website http://www.narcsite.com as well as a channel on YouTube called “Knowing the Narcissist. If you want to know what you are dealing with and what that guy is thinking, watch all of his videos. When you want to text the guy in your life, watch a video. He has several. I do and it has shed some light on many many things. Keep us posted on your progress.