Reply To: New to the Site; Obsessed with Him
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Bamboozled, I am so sorry you are going through so much all at once. I also was ridiculously in love with an NPD/Sociopath who treated me horribly because it was always all about him and what he wanted. He never did anything I wanted to do and was never there for me when I needed him. I also got the silent treatment for no reason or he would pick a fight so he could disappear for days on end. Each time we got to a good place he would create chaos again. I know he was out seeing others because he once came back, after just randomly disappearing, saying, “other women don’t turn me on.” And his justification for seeing other women was “we weren’t together.” It didn’t matter that we weren’t together because he just stopped coming over or calling for a few days. He finally left me for good last May and did so very cruelly. I, like you, was so lost and hurt without him. We spent all our time together doing what he wanted and I stayed in bed sobbing many days. 3 months after leaving me he married someone else he barely knows and moved across the country where he was not living with her because her 17 yr old daughter did not know they got married. Red flags!
I also found this site through Zari’s book. I have read a LOT of books about NPD and sociopaths including the ones mentioned above. They have all been extremely helpful! The first one I read stopped me in my tracks and had me in tears wondering how my life was put into print, right down to exact phrases that were used against me frequently. Keep reading everything you can find on the topic!
I was a mess in many ways. I went from being a very strong, independent, highly educated, professional to a depressed, lost, crazy person. I also thought about suicide. I was already on anti depressants and I finally had a friend recommend a counselor whom I called that day! No contact was very hard throughout that time but I had no choice. He made it clear I was not who he wanted in his life. It was devastating to me.
I joined several groups through Meetup.com and began my own social life with strangers who became new friends (I didn’t have any where I live.) Those people have become some of the dearest friends and most important people in my life! Some of them have been through similar relationships and we support each other. On a whim one day I went WAY outside my comfort zone and booked myself on a cruise through SinglesCruise.com. THE best decision I ever made!! I made sooooo many new friends all over the world and will be going on another cruise in a couple of weeks with two of the ladies I met on my first one. Many of us keep in touch daily through Facebook. I also met a wonderful man on the cruise who is the COMPLETE opposite of my ex. He is loving, affectionate, kind, sharing, patient, etc, we are working on a long distance relationship and I still have moments of freaking out and wanting to run away because I can’t fully trust anyone yet. I am getting there. I still have times of missing the jackass who took over my life and then decided he didn’t want me. I shouldn’t! But, like Donna said, it is an addiction. Cravings still come. When they do, because they come with the good memories, I immediately pick up one of my books and start reading again to remind me of how sick he is!
You will get to a good place again but I am worried about your comments of feeling suicidal, taking lots of sleeping pills, and staying in bed. I totally understand but it is not safe. Please seek clinical support. Talk to your doctor, be honest about your feelings and what you are going through, see if he/she will prescribe antidepressants and find a good counselor who understands this type of abuse. Surround yourself with family, old friends or new people to fill your time and can be supportive. I have to make a point to NOT talk about what I went through and move forward making new memories and living in today, not the past, because people get tired of hearing it and it just keeps me down in that ugly part of my life that I want to erase! So, keep reading, talk to your doctor about antidepressants, go to counseling, travel, and make new friends are my recommendations. I wish you luck and know you are not alone!