lf1

Reply To: Hi – I'm a sociopath.

#25052

anoli777
Participant

I want to thank all of you: for sharing stories, for the insights to pick your brains.
Muminuke, your explanations really really helped me to stay focused, to listen to my gut feelings and moreover not to be angry with him.
He showed up yesterday, flowers and promises (mind him-he is married for 6 years and I had all the proof finally that he can’t deny..but of course he promises it is over and she is moving out)
But I was already prepared for anything he would tell me thanks to that forum. I filtered anything and stayed focused on the lies not the pretty things. When I tried to leave the car he crabbed my hair-not much to hurt me (yet), but probably trying to get a reaction (because I was so calm and emotionless with him, not feeding his drama). I did not show fear, or anger. But I also knew there is no mistake in what he was-if I happened to stay all that would only escalate.

I asked him “do you ever feel ashamed?” He smiled and stared. Seriously, I could read that he does not. He does not know what it feels like. He could not answer.

Winter, yes it is hard. The most painful part is that you want all of that to be true and real. You want all the good things, not the bad ones. It has been short relationship, but intense. I know I will be fine. But the trust issue that I already had before now even worse.
You know what is the worse part?
I am ashamed to admit, but deep somewhere I miss him. I am questioning: am I even normal myself that all that roller coaster of emotions I had with him is so addictive…Can I even build a relationship with “normal” perfectly boring guy.