Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time
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I was lonely when I was with him. I feel more free when not with him. I feel a peace sometimes.
And other times like now, I just hate him. I hate that it is so easy for him to move on to the next victim. I don’t know why I let it get to me like it does. I wish someone could deconstruct what I have going on in my head. Part of me wants so bad to tell “her” who he really is and what he has done but I know from experience he has already prepped her for that telling her I am his crazy ex and how I mistreated him.
I don’t want him back. I know what that will bring, more of the same. He is full of promises that he never follows through on and pain and punishment. Living with anxiety all the time. Walking on eggshells. Afraid of what I was going to accidentally do that was going to throw things into chaos again. And it was always all my fault. Even today in an email he brings up something that happened 5 years ago. I deprived him of time – 4 Sundays a month when I would babysit my grandson on Sunday mornings while my daughter worked. I did this for 6 months. He had the other 28 days a month but it was those 4 days. He cries to other women about how I’ve deprived him. Then he comes crying back to me. That gets me! He makes it sound so terrible.
I hate that it is so easy for him to move on and that he tells other women stories about me to make them feel sorry for him so he can hook them too!!