Reply To: I need help!!!!
Please read everything you can on this website. What you are describing is classic narcissistic abuse: Lies, manipulation, abuse, and accusing you of things you are not doing (a form of ‘gaslighting’). Understanding, and accepting, that there are people who are, for whatever reasons (from birth, due to trauma, etc..) not able to empathize, truly attach to, and love other human beings…this is essential for regaining your ‘head’ and moving forward. No amount of talking, trying to be logical with him, or getting ‘clear’ on the facts will assist you in this situation.
Personality disordered people LOVE the game. They love the drama. They love watching other people’s confusion and pain. It is a fact.
The story you have shared with us is a CLASSIC tale of a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath. His wife is probably fine. He has likely cheated on her many times. They are probably doing what they have done for a long time: LIVING A LIE.
I will tell you this…when I was in the middle of my awful experience, the person I was with also accused me of being unfaithful, which was absurd, for multiple reasons. First, he WANTED an open relationship (so why be concerned if he thought ‘I’ was having one). Second, I worked 60 hours a week, and didn’t have time for an affair. Third, I was ‘in love’ with him, and didn’t want to be with anyone else.
What I found out later is that he had had sex with up to 8 women, in a 9 month period! All without my knowing, because he was so busy making crap up I couldn’t keep up with what was true and what was a lie.
It’s a lot of smoke and mirrors to distract you from seeing what is right in front of your face. He is a cheat, a liar, a manipulator, and an abuser. None of what he says changes those facts. His words and inconsistencies are the smoke and mirrors.
The truth is: when they accuse you of something what they are really doing is letting you know what THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO, are thinking about doing, or have habitually done in the past.
He is cheating with you. He has cheated with others. And he is letting you know he is going to cheat in the future. He has lied to others, and is lying to you. He has played this game before, and is letting you know he will not stop playing it just because he met you.
Please cut ties with him, and go strictly no contact. Even if it means getting a new job, new phone #, new email address, even a new home address.