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Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time

#24185

cindyds
Participant

Thank you so much everyone for the kind replies. And thank you annettepk ! I feel better knowing I’m not the only person who has ever gone through this. A lot of people around me don’t understand why im still so upset or why I’m having such a tough time forgetting and letting go completely. I am still doing good with no contact he hasn’t called me or said anything since November 15th when he called me unknown. I more or less told him I do not want him anymore and he lied saying he hasn’t moved on but I know he has I’ve heard from others.

now that it’s been a full month that I haven’t seen him it almost doesn’t feel real. The last fight we had didn’t really feel like the end, because every time we fought we would just make up and it would go in the same circle. But this time was different he already had his new supply and I knew I couldn’t take it anymore. Telling him that I didn’t want him anymore was the hardest thing I had to do. Because deep down I still love this man. But I know he isn’t capable of loving anyone. What’s still bothering me is how easily he moved on. He used to talk bad about this girl the whole time he was with me if she was ever brought up he’d say she was disgusting and everyone’s been with her. This was his friends “baby mother” as they say. And then he ends up with her ? A lot of people say it’s a rebound and not to worry and others say he looks for vulnerable people which as a sociopath or narcissist is true. I just can’t believe I lived a lie for 2 years and it’s especially bothering me because it’s around the holidays we had so many things planned. We were going to get a place together and we just got a new car. (None of this had to do with him i did all of this on my own there is no ties financially) and it’s very hard for me to get over the plans that we were making when in reality he had other plans to get new supply and a new girl in the picture all along. I know he’d never see the value of a girl like me compared to a girl like that because everyone to him is an object. But I do hope one day he realizes what he lost that’s the only thing I hope his twisted mind remembers.

I miss him and still cry sometimes I literally saw his jacket yesterday and started bawling. Any little thing sets me off, even if I go out anywhere because we used to go everywhere together. I just cannot fathom him telling another girl everything he told me even though it’s all lies it still hurts. I always think what if she stays because In her past relationships she was always cheated on and just stayed I know this girl from years ago. So she wouldn’t care what my ex
Does. But that also means I know I didn’t deserve any of what he had done to me. I guess it comes down to what you think you deserve at the end of the day.

His last words keep replaying in my head. Sometimes you just want them to fight for you and see that they want to come back. But I know it would just be another round in hell. I just can’t wait until this all becomes a distant memory. Some people say I may be able to even be his friend later down the line but I doubt that. Not the type of person he is he would just try to weasel his way back in. I just need to keep healing I have been feeling down about myself thinking that he thinks that girl or whoever else he is talking to is better than me but at the same time I know they aren’t. I have only ever been with him and my morals and values are a lot different. I just have to remember he doesn’t think the same way I do or how other normal people do. It has been such a struggle. I’m exhausted. There were good times that we had and I’m in a phase right now where I go back and forth.

By that I mean one second I think he isn’t a narcissist and the next I remind myself he is. He has done so many awful things he’s a pathological liar so I know he for sure is a sociopath of some kind. Is this normal to think that he isnt a narc during healing and blaming myself for what’s happened ? I find myself thinking I did something to make him leave or make it worse but I know I didn’t. He did everything possible to ruin anything we had. And he hasn’t contacted me at all do you think he’s forgetting about me or has forgotten about me completely since I went no contact ? Is it possible for them to miss you or even care at all ? Thank you so much for reading again just been a rough few days I appreciate all of you so much and I hope everyone else is doing well !

Cindyds