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Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time

#24163

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Participant

Hello, I have just found this site and I am quite amazed with what I have read so far. I have come to the realization that my soon to be exboyfriend is more than likely a N. I have known this man since we were 10 yrs old, we grew up together and first loves. We dated all through high school and it was good times then. After high school we broke up and he got engaged shortly after then married. Married a girl that I caught him with years before. So, he was married and I was brokenhearted and couldn’t believe he did it so quick. Some years later I married, had kids and 1 day while at work he walked in the door. OMG, I thought it was fate. We talked some and both of us were struggling with our relationships so in the end, we both ended our marriages. We have now been together for 12 years. From early on I knew something wasn’t right and through the years I have not always trusted him. There was always things said that just didn’t make sense. Lies in other words. The last 2 years have been a roller coaster. It’s a constant struggle with him. He acts as if I will always be there no matter how bad he treats me. He makes excuses for not answering my calls or text. Goes off the grid for hours at a time and says I’m overthinking everything. So many holes in the stories that he tells. He has been working away in another state for last 2 months. He will send me a morning text, a short 5 min call at lunch & maybe a call after work. So many times that he not contact me and then say Oh I was out with guys and couldn’t answer, etc. Just no big deal for him. There are so many things that just haven’t been right in so long and I feel I am losing my mind. Even when he is back home, I get the same. He will tell me he will be over and it doesn’t matter what I time I think he will be here, he isn’t. He can sometimes give me a time but 99% of the time it isn’t. I will call him and get no answer and maybe he will call back at some point to say Oh I left phone in truck, etc. Just so much of this type of thing all the time. When he’s home it’s just him doing his thing and coming to me when day is done with me not knowing much of what he did during the day. Most of the time I can’t believe him. I have decided this week and it’s time I walk away. I have been taking care of his house, yard, animals and mail the whole time he has been gone. He’s got it good. I take care of all that(20 min drive 1 way) and his mom takes care of his bills & finances. He just makes me feel all our relationship issues are me. He says if I would just “get along” it will all work out. In other words, if I don’t ask questions and go along with the little bit of attention he gives me, I should be happy. I have tried that and it seems he gives me less & less and yeah I sit and accept it. He told me some time ago he wanted no smothering, no nagging, no commitment, no living together, no marriage. So, gee why am I staying around? He would throw me a crumb and push the right button to get me back in. I have sent a text earlier this week letting him no that I am going to give him what he wants. I let him know I gave him 12 yrs to make me feel special, that our relationship has only been lies, coldness & left over lustful moments. I told him I don’t feel guilty for walking away from someone who only tries to make ME feel guilty & unloved. He didn’t respond of course “Just ignore her & her crap as usual” would be his thinking. He thinks “I will call her and smooth it over blah blah blah. I had my mind set to take what few things he has here to his house this weekend and leave them and tell him to find someone else to do his chores. I’m having 2nd thoughts as I have always done in the past. Stick it out, he will come around. He loves you, it’s just his way of love, etc. I could really use some feedback as I am rambling a bit and there is so much more that I could go into.