Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time
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Cindyds, You sound like you are thinking clearly in spite of what you are going through. The way you feel sounds like normal and natural responses to being abused and betrayed by a spath. I relate to the anxiety you feel. I’m not normally anxious, but interaction with my ex psychopath caused anxiety from the beginning of the ‘relationship’ even before I consciously knew that he was deceiving, manipulating, and exploiting me. I have been free of him for several years and have no contact. However if someone just mentions him in conversation it still causes anxiety and stress that takes several days to clear.
Your anxiety is probably rational. Your ex harmed you, and his motive is to exploit you. He is dangerous to you. Your mind and body are telling you to stay away from him. The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker is a book that describes how our subconscious warns us via fear and anxiety about people and situations that are dangerous for us.
You are a good and normal person capable of love; and you loved the person your ex portrayed himself, but probably not the person he really is. You take that ability to love with you, and you have it to give to someone who deserves your love because he is a good man who keeps his commitments, who is honest, and who loves and appreciates you.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to protect yourself by now allowing him to harm you by being invisible to him and not allowing him to have any contact with you, and not allowing him to take up any space in your mind and in your life. You will feel better.
Let us know how you are doing.