Reply To: Broke up with narcissist and started no contact, having a really tough time
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This is so heartbreaking because I was there, not too long ago. I found what helped me was to realize and tell myself, constantly, that it didn’t matter what I did/didn’t say/do, nothing in his life would change. He never loved me because he can’t
Lose the need to “have the last word” because it doesn’t matter.
I realized that “I” could have been “anyone”. None of the women in his life ever mattered, it just mattered that someone was there. All. The. Time.
I had access to his email for a while and would check it regularly then I would stalk the women he was emailing with. It was so unhealthy and ultimately it held me back from recovery. He changed his email password at some point so I was cut off from that, which was good. I blocked him from contacting me, reluctantly, and every time I think to unblock “just to see” I remind myself how far I’ve come
Every time I would hear his voice I would fall back to being destroyed again.
Read everything you can on this site and any others you can find about Narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy, sociopath. You will find the answers you seek. You will never get a straight answer out of him and, lets be honest, what difference does it make what he did when you were together. It’s over and all that will do is hurt you over and over again
hang in there, girl…you’ll get through it. I can promise you that