Reply To: Hi all… new – please help
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Lovefraud Community Forum – General › Hi all… new – please help › Reply To: Hi all… new – please help
Hello Miss Greenstick.
Thank you for your nice response. Some people get a response here, others don’t…and its hard to find someone out there when you just need to talk and be understood,and have someone just respond. Thats actually why I come back here to see if someone gave ME any advice on my post..
First of all, Im just some guy out there in the world, and read your thing, kinda understand, and wanted to help if possible. I put my own plea for help or comments out there on this site regarding my situation, and got no reply, other than ads to buy stuff. Its hard to find someone to talk to at time…really get it.
Its hard to find a person who puts a couple of minutes into trying to understand what someone is going through and try to help. I realize that having someone who is just trying to understand your situation and says ‘anything’ makes a difference at times, even though you probably know what is right deep down inside. You seem like a good person.
Its easy to ‘tell it like is’ on some anonymous site like this, but you still never know who you are talking to. Please be careful.
It is VERY GOOD you are talking to a counselor. Trust that person, not people like me or anyone else who you don’t really know. I am trying to help, and I know you want to believe that, but you still need to keep your guard up…I think you fell for it before. But Im really an OK respectable guy. Maybe.
Back to saying it like it is…like I was your counselor or friend or dad….. from what I’ve read, you seem like a nice loving person who wants (or wanted or thought you needed) love, affection and attention. Who the hell doesn’t!!??
Some sweet talker came along who is familiar with people that are vulnerable, and took advantage of you. You probably told him how loving and kind and what a beautiful person you are…and it does sound like you are by what is written (but for all I know I could be responding to some psychopath guy…see…be careful) and since you are probably very attractive, (see, Im doing it!!!) this guy did and said anything because of the once in a lifetime amazing “find” and opportunity that came his way, and he took full advantage of that.
Wow..exciting! No guilt! She started it! she wanted it! etc etc. Being honest.
You seemed to start this cause you wanted attention. He didn’t give a shit about his commitment to someone else..and maybe you didn’t either at the time…but the excitement and fantasy of the movie script you wrote in your head was powerful and exciting..
but it didn’t work out for you, cause it was all about excitement and fantasies and sex and this script in your head. No commitment, no real love…just getting immediate needs met which felt great. It always feels great. and if you combine the physical stuff with the infatuation and BS you convince yourself is happening, its even more powerful. /then you get confused cause your infatuation and story you wanted didn’t work out.
So why are you here? You were used and violated. That really is terrible and some guy lied to you and enjoyed the game he played and didn’t care about you as a person at all. It must have been so exciting for him to use you. Its exciting for people to fantasize on some website and then their fantasies actually come true. It must hurt like hell for you, and I’m very sorry. Really. I know the evil people are capable of. But is this the kind of person you want in your life, or if you were weak (in that moment) is that who you really want to be?
Why are you still wondering what happened about some abuser if you have a hubby that wants to forgive you, grow with you and work things out? You both made big, big mistakes, but if you are forgiving and loving and will commit to each other and grow…. That is where your focus should be. Do this with him.
I don’t think you should be here asking for help to explain why someone took advantage of you when you have a husband to commit to and move through life with. you said in your first post you felt violated and raped. Thats AWEFUL…but thats what people like him do, and thats what happened to you, and you made it easy for him. Im sorry you were weak and vulnerable and he took advantage of you, but you should forgive yourself of why this happened..and stop beating yourself up about it. Im sorry. Your sorry. It was bad. it was wrong. It was a mistake. OK..wont do that again……
Keep talking with your counselor. Forgive yourself of the what-ever-you-want-to-call-it “thing” that happened. Please stop tying to justify or explain what you really know to be true.
Bad thing happened. Bad things happen to good people. Never, EVER EVER go back, respond, or even think about it..
“Stop thoughts” look it up. (easier said than done)
Do: Hubby and I will move forward and grow together and have a real, loving. trusting relationship.
Do: Look forward to the good stuff. ( an not “go back” there)
Do: talk with your counselor and hub and best friend you trust and knows you. work it out.
Do: Live life abundantly.