lf1

Reply To: Spiritual sociopath. Am I wronging him? Am I the problem? How do I move on?

#23900

2Trusting
Participant

Hi,
I have read and re-read above posts today. I’m presently going through this actually since early Aug was his last abrupt discard of me. Time before was just before memorial weekend. I didn’t start putting things together as to what was all going on till this past August. My heart is breaking I truly was and am deeply in love with him even though I know he isn’t anything but lies. I still can’t wrap my head around it all, I can barely function. I even lost my job in May bc of this and it’s slide down hill ever since, some days are worse then others. I don’t even have the energy to tell my story and I so deeply want too but I’m so v tired and mentally beat……I’m so defeated, hurt and as I type this I can’t stop the tears…..I’m so pissed at myself so v upset. I didn’t even have facebook till first of Oct and I don’t have anything on it but I wanted to be able to find answers and I did and it’s been devastating. He begged me literally begged me to give him another chance, told me how deeply he cared for me and love me was terrified of hurting me but promised he wouldn’t never just toss me away like a piece of garbage. Like a fool I believed every word nd jumped right back into his arms. He even planned a weeks trip to SD and we rode his Harley through the black hills ….we had so much fun. Then the last night and morning of our departure back home things switched up and everything turned 360 degrees. I last spoke to him Aug 7, last text I got was aug 13 tht he was busy. When he begged me to give him another chance he said he wanted an exclusive relationship and promised he would never just disappear on me ever again, we agreed to hide our online dating profiles. Well bc of how he was acting so damn strange and cold and mean spirited to me the night and morning leaving SD I went to POF and fd he had just been online tht morning, so just within hrs of sleeping with me where thgs happened in bed that I can’t bring myself to accept to this day. Anyways I confronted him about being online and he actually denied it all , I even sent him a message through POF asking him why he was even on line, he denied getting it even after I showed him my phone and POF affirming it was sent. He insisted he hadn’t been on POF since we agreed to be exclusive and tht POF literally it look like people were online when they really haven’t been bc it gets people talking to each other if they think the other person is online. He got really pissed I checked on him and was being too emotional and over reacting and tht it was all my problem bc I had major trust issues….well anyways all the way nothing got resolved he told it was a topic that we weren’t discussing at that time bc I was too upset to hear anythg he would have to say. he kept telling me he wasn’t interested in anyone else at all and if he were then y would he spend thousands of dollars to take across the country on the trip, he thought that proved how much he loved me. Well august in our last conversation I asked him what he considered our relationship to be, after a lot of dicking around it not answering he finally said he wanted it exclusive and casual,we go out here and there and we could talk about it another time he promised and the call ended. To think I believed him bc after all we had camping trips, road trips and a big annual Harley rally we had planned on still attending. He literally encouraged me to buy all this riding gear and clothing bc we were a couple. So dead silence from last test aug. So I go on FB and he has everythg pretty tight, just two pics and his like and friends everything else is hidden. I searched his daughters and fd a gals name that he mentioned dating prior to me but then he meet me and told her he wasn’t interested in her anymore, he evens aid how all she did was bitch and criticize him every time they were together and he knew he never really cared for her. I was who he was passionately longing and needing to be with bc he never meet someone as myself where we had such a strong magnetic attractive and were so compatible with.Well I FB this gal and she has a lot hid on her FB account as well. Still she had her timeline up and mentions and did check-ins to several events and trips and fancy restaurants but she keeps who she is with concealed except to her friends she obviously instant messaged. Then she had videos up and a few pics up and I recognized his Harley and details specific to the handle bars and his hands and that is when I recognized that he was with her all the way through the beginning of Aug, and he even hid his POF profile from mid Aug till Sept 18 when he then unhide it. On her fb timeline she talks about her finance moving out beginning of Sept and how glad she is tht her ex-finance ( a different guy she was involved with)finally moved out of their place. So she continued posting thgs on her timeline but it always keeping identities secret. Then looking further on his FB and checking his friends there is group pic of those two nd his friends at the rally having a great time. My world has been just spinning ever since. She has posted that she is seeing all these other guys and letting the world know and he has actively been on POF until now recently he hasn’t so I’m sure he has found someone new. And he even did a friend request to me on FB so somehow FB alerted him I had a profile, what a real prick to do a friend request. My mind is just blown away big time, I’m in such tremendous pain, can’t eat, can’t sleep and really never go anywhere. I divorced my phychopath husband after being with him for over 34 yrs and married 28 and it was a living nightmare but he made the divorce the absolute living out right waging war of the century tht was feb 2014. I promised myself if I got out that alive I would never get involved with anyone like him again but here I did and its killing me and tearing me up inside bc I feel so betrayed humiliated and used and with no purpose to be tossed away like an old shoe. I’m devastated and question so question what is the purpose of thsi all, when am I going to get things straight…when. i read all the articles and bok after book and just when I think I’m going to be okay then it all start again. How is he able to not even give a shit about me at all how is it tht he is able to go on with his life as though I never existed ever. And this time it feels like its his final discard of me, i think bc i called him out on being on POF and getting upset and then suddenly he discovers I set up a FB acct so he knew I was digging. I deleted my POF profile beginning of Aug, still am able to go on though and see that his is there and then isn’t. And what about this gal that put all of this on her timeline. She knew I existed and still it didn’t matter, he hid his profile for her but not for me and now they are or aren’t together and she must have been seeing each other all along while she was enngaged and her finace called it all off. I don’t know why I’m not getting this…
This guy was married 3x and his 2nd wife committed suicide. He told me how all 3 of his wifes had affairs on him and that is why thsoe marriages failed. the thing is he was having the affair on each of his wifes with the next one he then ended up marrying. He has told mme so many lies and shown who he is and all the signs of a phychopath are there but still my heart aches for him….how crazy am I… I’m no better then his crazy ass or this other gal…how is this all going to end and when. I have gone no contact but i like to think I’ve done that but the fact is he hasn’t even attempted to contact me …..how did I let this happen… please someone if your out there and read this please give me some insight bc the few friends I do have say they get it but I know they don’t ….