Reply To: Help me get through this pain!
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Thank you for your reply! I don’t want to help him. My Philipino Sister-wife helped me by telling me the truth. I want to tell the one still in Puerto Rico. I certainly do not want to help him. Truth be told, I am so extremely angry, I want to hurt him. I know that he will NEVER feel one ounce of pain in his non-existent heart. He will never regret. I am really worried that the Philippine is still not ready to accept that she is dealing with a sociopath and has hopes of somehow clipping his wings. She has two children. She may still believe that he will rescue her from poverty and it will be worth it. And the stories she told me of him trying to talk her into threesomes, and the stories from other women she contacted about ‘sister’ duos, and many of them don’t care he has many women as long as he is paying their bills. Gives me the creeps. I know he is hiding money, I know what banks, I know he has hopes of starting his business up again and that was one of the things he was using me for, I have almost 15 years of international business experience and got it all up and running for him. I have the only pictures he owned of his mother, father, siblings, and his children. There is.. slowly becoming a was, a hope that he was just using everyone else and I was the one he would really fight for. I would be the one he would ‘change’ for. But with everything I am learning, he cannot change. He is what he is. Not simply a cheater, but a very sick man. Now I feel this weird need to protect all of the women he’s hurt. I am really sick of people NOW telling me, “I told you so. I had a bad feeling about him.” But the truth is that NO ONE told me so. No one told me that they had a bad feeling. We were the picture perfect couple in our social group. In a strange way, the Real Thomas murdered the love of my life. And now all I want is the Real Thomas to pay, and to keep him from hurting anyone else. I hate him, and I miss the illusion. It is all very new to me, just over the last two months. My kids are telling me, let it go and move on. I am finding it hard to get over the anger. I was always so guarded about my personal and intimate side. I am teetering back and forth between a serene walking away, and a very angry ‘NO! You don’t get to get away with all of this!”
For your situation, it doesn’t sound like she ‘got the man’ either. And if he is anything like Thomas, you are as blessed as I am to have them away. My problem now is not Thomas, my problem now is me. With my sense of fair play and justice, which has always been very strong, is out of whack and screaming for attention. I have to chose, heal or seek justice which may never happen. I can heal, if I just totally walk away and end all contact with even my new ‘friend’ in the Philipines. I like her, but there is a pain when I see her FaceBook photo is of their hands clasping with wedding rings on. Only one month after he accepted my ring and married me. I feel that preciousness, that moment was stolen.. and she isn’t to blame. He is. I think I need to just have a very long ‘talk with God’ and ask that He take the wheel. Deal with this bastard, and now I just need to decide to send the photos and all the text messages and pictures and marriage certificates to his ‘still legal wife’ in Puerto Rico. Is it the right thing to do, or is it me getting revenge? Can it be both? The day I woke up to text messages and pictures of the love of my life sleeping, in his usual side of the bed, with all his usual bedside stuff (ashtray, cigs, phones, remote control, chargers, antacid pills for his chrones disease, etc..) all in the same place as it was in our bedroom.. I couldn’t stop shaking or eat or sleep for days. I am not shaking and I sleep fine now. Do I walk away and find my own peace? Or do I send these things to the wife in Puerto Rico. Those photo albums should be with her, as they are her children in them. His business stuff, he will never have until I get my wedding ring back and he repays my son. Funny, he doesn’t want the marriage – he moved on. He doesn’t want the ring – he is married to the Philippines, but he won’t give me the damn thing back. I think I want someone to tell me, ‘he’s keeping the ring because he lost you. He lost the game he tried to play with you and it is all he has as a consolation prize.” If I knew that were true, maybe I could feel a little better that part of him realises, he lost. I escaped. And a little piece of metal is all he’ll ever be able to hold on to.
The pain is real. And it is in our own head that we need to cleanse. If you have anything of his around the house… get rid of it. Pictures, mementos, everything. Ceremoniously give yourself a ‘freedom’ party… I will as soon as I get rid of those albums.