Reply To: Help me get through this pain!
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To: zsrpriest, Oh sister!! I can only imagine how all of that feels. I want to give you a big hug and share a bottle of wine! I,fortunately, have done a LOT of reading since I posted my original request for help. Get your hands on everything you can about N/S/P!! I am still struggling but my reading has helped me keep focused on the bad and steer away from pining for the good. Just this week I have had contact with friends who have little bits and pieces of information as I STILL am dying to know who he married! My heart says, “I worked hard for that commitment that she got!!” My head says, “he is a total loser and you need to be glad it wasn’t you!” Supposedly, she lives in Texas and he is in California. Then it was “he is gone”, so I’m thinking he moved to Texas and I was relieved I won’t have to run into them, but pissed that I won’t run into him. (I really want him to give me a reason in public to punch him in the face as hard as I can!!) Then I heard he was only going to “wherever” she is to visit for a week. Back to stress vs. relief!!! His “presence” in my head and life even after he had been gone for some time ruined a new relationship I had just started. My new guy could no longer take it and worried that I was thinking of my ex while I was with him. So my loneliness continues….
As for your mess, and oh my goodness is that the understatement of the year!!! I too reached out to my ex’s ex-girlfriend and she and I have been a great source of support for each other. That being said, I would not lift a finger to help my N if his life depended on it! If he was on fire I would not waste my spit to help him!! Based on that, I say, do NOTHING to help him! Do not send the paperwork or anything else he asks for! He should be prosecuted for bigamy! But since there are multiple countries involved I have no idea how that would work! Maybe a call to an investigative reporting television program!!! Chris Hansen can track him down like Where in the World is Carmen San Diego and ask about your ring and a million other questions!!! He has done nothing but create problems and heartache for you, why help him??!!!
I also have had trouble with moving on. There are many men who want to date me but I keep my walls up and keep them at bay! I trust no one as I have even had friends claim “neutral” but spent time with him while I spend a lot of time alone and trying to find a new path as he was my life!
We are not alone!! That’s why I highly recommend books, articles, etc as I was shocked to see my life in writing over and and over but I was never interviewed for that book!! It doesn’t make the hurt magically go away but it is helping to keep me on track. All my best to you my friend and I would help you if I could! ((HUGZ))