Reply To: Sociopath or Martyr Complex?
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Even if she’s not disordered, there are some challenges without considering a disorder. Since both of you began this new relationship when you were recently divorced from long marriages, you may be moving too fast for both of you. It takes time to process what went wrong in the previous marriage and to clear the old baggage out before entering a new fulltime relationship.
Sounds like there is some significant incompatibility that may be deal breaking. It is not necessarily abnormal to like to touch and cuddle (and grope!) one’s partner often, but not everyone is touchy feely in that way. It works best if both partners have the same needs physically, or have the ability to consider that their partner is not wired the same way and to compromise.
House rules are not necessarily out of the question, even for adult children. My 20 year old son pays a fair rent, contributes significantly to indoor chores and yardwork; and we have agreed upon rules. This works for me, but not everyone shares the same style of how a household runs.
Given your medical condition, there are ways you could satisfy your partner regardless of your own functioning but this could be one sided and not very satisfying for either of you.
Children from previous relationships present many challenges and complexities in blended families.
The problems you and your partner are facing are difficult even with a deep mutual commitment and with a lot of maturity and selflessness on both partners’ parts. Even without a disorder present, it would take a lot of work and change to have a successful relationship. You might start with cooperative communication with your partner to see if you can resolve problems. You may find that your goals and her goals, both long term and short term, are too different to find any middle ground you can agree on. It may be that you and she are not compatible.
You might consider ending the relationship for the benefit of both parties if the problems can’t be resolved.