Reply To: I am trying to go NC he has a wicked hold on me help!
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Is my partner a sociopath, narcissist, psychopath or some other type of exploiter? › I am trying to go NC he has a wicked hold on me help! › Reply To: I am trying to go NC he has a wicked hold on me help!
Thank you NOKARMA!! I have an update for you all. I went back….I am gone again have been for a week tommorow. I am happy to say I left for good this time. I also found allot of stuff out…which will be handy for the book I am writing!
I am at peace this time and have been since I left what I found out was enough to just put a cinch tie on the whole bag of garbage!
I felt compelled to go talk to the neighbor at first I felt I would look foolish ,but I steadied myself and told myself if I use the right attitude I won’t. Boy am I glad I did! I just simply said “may I have a conversation with you?” and she said “sure come on in” she has always been soo sweet to me.
I said “I am just gonna ask you is there anything going on with you and $&@#?” I said “because if there isn’t he sure wants me to think there is”
She said “no not at all”
The whole reason I went over there was the night before she walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder and I felt the aproach was rather too comfertable. I then asked him about it and he tried to gas light me (to build suspicion) I said “I saw the way she approached you” he yelled “She did not touch me” (gas lighting) I said “I never said anything about her touching you, but yes she did”
Right there at her kitchen table I told her he tried to gas light me.
She said “yes he did I most certainly did put my hand in his shoulder, he’s my friend that’s how I am I am touchy feely” I said “and that’s fine I don’t care, he wants me to though” I proceeded to tell her that he throws her name in everything and in giving her an example I said “one time we were gonna watch a movie and he said oh it’s over at her house”
She said “stop right there he is most certainly trying to make you jealous” took me into her living room and said “I do not have a DVD, honey I have never borrowed a movie from him!”
I then said “well maybe he is just trying to make me jealous so I’ll move back in” she looked me in the eyes and said “it’s not for love, he is trying to control you” she said “I can see you, that man will emotionally put you on the ground” I knew she had been there herself.
She said earlier in the conversation “don’t stay with him because you love him throw that word out, if you don’t have respect,communication,honesty,and trust there is no love. Those 4 things equal love” We became friends that day. She walked me to the door (the whole time I was trying not to cry seeing the lengths he’d gone to to make me jealous) I stepped out and turned around and said “I am so sorry I just had to know, I tried so hard not to cry inside” she said “I know I saw, come here give me a hug, you have nothing to be sorry for” I broke down.
The day I left him I said “by the way does she still have those movies”
He said “what” I said “oh never mind you’ll just say you never said that” he yelled “no you brought it up finish it” so I said ” One time you said she borrowed movies from you, does she still have them?” He says “I don’t know I don’t even know what movies they were” I said “Oh cuz she never borrowed any movies from you, she does not even have a DVD player” he exploded said “I knew you were over there fishing, Fine believe her”
Needless to say I pointed out many other lies and minipulative ploys I caught onto. Same Scene occurred I cried he kept saying it just doesn’t work, but he loves me claims he has tried as hard as he can (which he does not try at ALL) and doesn’t want it to be this way. While he is pushing me out the door (with his unwillingness to work on anything yelling at me for talking and treating me like crap) I started to leave and he says “You don’t know that you won’t be back” (he’s telling me he want’s me to go and it doesn’t work so why would he say that?)
It’s all crazy confusing and I am glad it’s gone! I could tell when I left this time it was the last time there is so much more to it then that but I have already wrote a novel lol.
Ya’ll will have to read the Book!
I agree with you so much though NOKARMA I changed how I saw him! I did not need to have compassion on him because he feels nothing. He destroys anyone who loves him and he is happy as a lark doing it! I gained a good friend two actually his ex wife and I have become close too! So all your advise is right on! It has been a week I don’t miss, yearn, or panic. I have changed my mind set. (I know I was programmed to do so) so I say I will not believe his and the Devils lies anymore and it vanishes. All that’s left is anger! I wake up mad. I read my bible and it vanishes though. So I am doing for me and reprogramming my own mind I tell myself the opposite of what he tried to make me believe, and every other wonderful thing I can think to say about myself. I uncovered soooo much when I went back that my certainty in who he really is….well that was all the closure I needed!