lf1

Reply To: In need of support when struggling with no contact

#22938

lostandalone22
Participant

I am so glad that i found this forum… I have been dealing with No Contact and I keep thinking it will get easier everyday but it seems to be getting harder. I want to talk to him so bad but know I can’t..
A little about my story.. 3 and half years ago he showed up as my knight in shining armor after i got out of another bad relationship. Moved in together after a month but not long after the red flags started appearing but i ignored them. Over the course of 3 and a half years there was multiple girls…multiple lies(one of his best is telling everyone he has cancer)..intimidation(hes a professional mma fighter). In December of 2015 we had the perfect night together then the next morning he woke me up in a rage.. I ran out of the house in nothing but a long jacket and finally found a cop that would let me use his phone to call him and tell him to leave so i could come get some stuff. I walked in to a house destroyed and my work laptop in pieces.. I stayed with my mom a couple weeks and found a house in my hometown about 20 minutes away. I didn’t talk to him for about 2 weeks until New Years Eve when he showed up where i was in another rage and me and my daughter had to leave. After i left we started texting and actually started talking civil to each other. we text and talked to each other but didn’t see each other until about 2 weeks later i ended up being admitted to the hospital and had to have emergency surgery, he was there when i woke up and took me to my dr appt and even my next surgery.we started talking about getting back together but i still knew he was lying to me. One night in March he confessed to all that he had been doing since we split up. things got somewhat good between us but i refused to move back in with him until i was sure he wasn’t lying or sleeping with anyone else.. I never was sure of that. about 3 weeks ago he starting acting weird and putting weird statuses on Facebook when i asked him about it it got turned around once again to me being the bad one. I told him I was done playing his games and i wanted him to leave me alone. I stopped answering his calls and text. 2 days later on my day off he shows up at my house and just walks on in..He says if we are done then you need to tell me to my face. I told him he needed to leave because my 9 year old daughter and her friend were there and i told him I wasn’t going to argue in front of them. I could tell he was getting agitated so i went in my bedroom to get my phone.. He slammed the door shut and slammed me up against the wall. I yelled for my daughter to go get her brother. She ran and said bubby …… is beating up mommy. My son(who just turned 18 a week before this) came out and I will admit said something he shouldn’t have and the ex went for him. So we were all three fighting in my kitchen and living room me trying to get him off of my son(remember he is a trained professional) so i yell for one of my sons friends to call the cops. As soon as he heard the cops were on the way he left. We weren’t hurt other than some scratches and bruises. I filed a restraining order and have not talked to him since. The state pressed charges and since it happened in front of children under 14 makes it a felony. Now here is my dilemma the court did not grant the restraining order so we go to court next Wednesday over it, I am thinking of backing out of it because I am afraid if it is granted it will put him into a rage. There is a warrant out for him but he has not been picked up yet. I keep my doors locked and am always looking over my shoulder. The thing is i still miss him he was my best friend.. And i feel like a complete total idiot for this feeling. But i have no one to talk to too about it because no one understands.