lf1

Reply To: I am trying to go NC he has a wicked hold on me help!

#22877

Ladybugg
Participant

I am having a really bad day today. I want so bad to email him and tell him what hurt me soooo bad about the last time I was over there. I know he will just spin it all around and hurt me with it though and make me feel like complete shit. oh I don’t get it…. I was in such a peaceful place and now the last night is playing out in my head over and over and I have to get it out. so I am going to say it here. I had purple dye put in my hair that runs very bad when it gets wet. I was trying to wait till the rain let up and I was going out the door it had just about stopped and he said I have a condom you can put over it if you want. He hates condoms refuses to use them (why would he say that) just to let me know he felt the need to have them is why. I have not felt adored and did not feel good having sex.So we get out side the apartment and this girl that lives behind him. (every time he referrs to her he says the one your jealous of) The very first time I ever saw her she said hello, he was right behind me and she acted like she knew me. I thought it was weird and they both had deer in the headlight looks on their faces. I just told him “something did not feel right.” that’s it that’s all I said. He says things like she has movies of his,she works third shift and she seems to know everything about me though I havn’t told her. It was barely raining and he always walks me to my car and kisses me goodnight.So she gives me the umbrella she was gonna take and says it’s no problem her car is closer then mine. I start down the stairs with it and realised it was not raining too bad. I thought he was coming with me he stands up there laughing saying no. so she is laughing too. well why if he was not walking down with me did he not kiss me goodbye or tell me goodnight nothing. that is the one and only time he did not hug me and kiss me goodbye and the only thing different was she was there.he has constantly tried to make me jealous of her and the best thing is there is really nothing going on between then he has created this illusion that there is purposely so I will look crazy and jealous if I ask anything. when he says little things about her all the time so I will!!! GOD I HATE HIM!!! he hurt my feelings so bad and humiliated me and he knew it!! I got home plugged my phone in and went and took my makeup off did my nightly regime and by the time I got to my room there were three text, “oh so your not gonna text me now just cuz I did not want to get wet when you didn’t either fine”, “night love u”, and “Fine I’m going to bed”.
now I know since the text saying I’m going to bed was sent I could not reply back with out getting my ass chewed it had been 3 whole minuets. so I called cuz ignoring him would get me yelled at too and of coarse no answer. so I tell him that it was barely raining and no I was not ignoring him I was getting ready for bed. I told him I had no clue he was not gonna walk me down because he did not bother to kiss me and tell me goodbye. which he always does!! I said so muah good bye! I told him I ended it for many reasons non of them because I did not love him I told him I knew it was only a matter of time before he replaces me because I don’t feel comfertable giving him what he needs I said so I saved you a step…your welcome! I never told him anything about how he made me feel!! he said gee thx for telling me before this!!
I tried!!! I got “end of conversation I won’t ever bring sex up again.” Then If I opened my mouth he yelled “drop it!” or “I said drop it!” till I shut up nothing resolved just suck in your feelings and drown in them bitch!! I had no way of telling him he had no will to fix it he no longer cared how I felt anymore!!