Reply To: How I learned what a sociopath was
Lovefraud: How to recognize and recover from sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and other abusers › Forums › Is my partner a sociopath, narcissist, psychopath or some other type of exploiter? › How I learned what a sociopath was › Reply To: How I learned what a sociopath was
This will be my last post regarding this story. I wanted to share my healing process for anyone who can benefit from it.
Shortly after the break-up, I was so devastated I was suicidal. I was no stranger to depression, but this was acute. During that time, something very synchronous happened. I have no explanation for it except to say that there are some things that happen in the universe for reasons we cannot understand.
I had a favorite Indian restaurant I frequented for the lunch buffet. It was a nurturing place for me. I usually went alone. One day I went for lunch per usual. There was a guy sitting in the booth next to me dressed in all white. I overheard him telling the waitress that there was a very powerful Hindu master visiting. She was down the street giving blessings. Curious, I asked him about her and where to see her. He told me to dress in all white and go to the church down the street. I would write down a question or something I needed help with and hand it to her. I would stand in line with all of her devotees for my brief private audience with her. I had nothing to lose. I was desperate. So I did it. She was supposed to embody the Divine Mother. I don’t even recall her name, but there are several of these gurus who pass through the big cities giving blessings (called darshan). When I finally arrived at her feet, she looked at me and touched me with a peacock feather (or some such). I broke down sobbing. I sobbed for a long time, apologizing. She said it was okay to bring my pain to the Mother. Then she gave me a small baggie filled with ashes. She told me to put some under my tongue every night before I went to bed. I got out to my car and continued to sob for another hour. Every day for a month, until the ashes ran out, I put these ashes under my tongue. And every time, I could feel her presence lifting the negative and pain out of my body. The acute crisis was gone. It took me a year to complete the healing over the spath. And it is a lifelong journey to heal my borderline tendencies that made me vulnerable in the first place. But I am now in a (mostly) healthy relationship with a very kind man.
I hope this story can be of help to anyone trying to figure out if who they are dating is a sociopath. There are classic telltale signs. Mine exhibited nearly every one of them, though I did not know what they were at the time.