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Reply To: Narcissistic Mother – the perfect training ground to marry a psychopath

#22641

Canuck
Participant

I do not trust myself to have relationships. There is my first love, whom I married young in Seattle, whose family rescued me from my father temporarily. Think my father was his demise and I am so very sorry for that – if only would have known what I know now. Since then it seems I have attracted / been attracted to control freaks ~ narcissists out for themselves only. The adult me finds others are Martians, a different species. My Seattle love was during the hippie era when we related on peace and goodwill. I am so lucky to have lived through those times, the music and message I identified with because of my need to escape injustice/cruelty. Those idealistic times saved me.

Thank God for the Internet because it taught me the reason my relationships become one sided is my upbringing. Have stopped beating myself up but still find I am a huge magnet for those who are not there for me and only see me as supply to boss and take over my life.

Think my upbringing has damaged me beyond repair, because automatically I default to people pleaser/giver co-dependant in relationships. I do not understand any other way of being with the opposite sex. I do not know how to ask for what I need, in theory yes but not in practice.

My narcissistic mother is still alive and just recently I learned about and discovered what emotional incest is….
Mother and sister both live in Germany and when my brother died mother moved in with my sister, fought with her and moved out with my sister’s son. Now my sister and her son are not on speaking terms. Mother kidnapped my two youngest siblings in the 60s from Canada and repeated the same action on the child of the daughter (kidnapped my sister and now took her child) she kidnapped – the next generation she took away taking her grandson from my sister. Cannot imagine how damaged my sister has got to be because she does not comprehend the craziness of mother’s actions.

When mother phones I am in a state of apprehension for a long time and these are long distance calls. In retrospect my weight gains coincide with family of origin contact. Time does heal enough to get the weight down but then out of the blue an unknown number, mother blocks her calls from Germany, gets me back into emotional eating. I do not have her number yet she can call me anytime and in our world this is seen as normal. While writing this realize can have my number changed again and now that my siater is not on speaking terms with mother will not get sucked into contact through Facebook family emergency BS. I would put her number to direct all calls to the answering machine and then erase without listening but think mother is aware of that.

I tired to let her know it isn’t normal for me not to have her number while she can call me anytime she pleases but try being heard by an evil manipulater. I have been programmed to that type of default in relationships, I have no rights and the parent’s lies and selfishness are normal. From day one I have never had rights therefore even though I have understanding of what is going on my default kicks in as soon as it becomes ‘relationship’ beyond friendship.

Know am rambling. But in rambling one learns, was not aware till now that mother knows I get hooked by mother’s voice and by going unknown caller stops me from going no contact. Lovefraud is great for insight. Thank you Donna.

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.
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  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.
  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.
  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.
  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.
  • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Canuck.