UPDATED FOR 2023. I was standing in line, horrified at how a man in front of me was treating his two little girls. The girls looked to be about two and four years old. One of them was in a stroller. He yelled at the older girl — I don't know why. When she started crying, he yelled at her again, threatening to hit her if she didn't stop crying. No matter what the kids did — dropped a blanket on the floor, touched the stanchion rope — the guy yelled. If this father was treating his kids this way in public — what in the world was he doing at home? Make no mistake — the guy was engaging in child abuse, and the kids will likely suffer from it for the rest of their lives. I'm not exa …
Codependence and tolerating bad behavior
Editor’s note: The Lovefraud author Eleanor Cowan wrote “A History of a Pedophile’s Wife.” She is now working on tales intended to shock codependent people into recognizing their behavior and connecting with support and guidance to overcome it. The collection is called, “Impactful Stories for Stubborn Codependents.” Here’s the first story. See Eleanor’s comments at the end. Graduation Day By Eleanor Cowan Kim reminded herself to sell or donate or otherwise dispose of her mother’s wheelchair, still lodged behind the porch door, but first she’d have to repair the rickety back steps of the doorway. She felt it. That heaviness, that cloudy confusion, a murkiness she quickly dis …
Pig butchering: The new criminal romance scam
“Pig butchering” has nothing to do with farm animals. Pig butchering is a sophisticated romance scam in which con artists meet people online, seduce them with promises of love and companionship, and then convince them to sink their hard-earned money into fake cryptocurrency investments, which soon disappear. What’s truly frightening is that these aren’t random sociopaths conning whomever they come across. It’s a massive criminal enterprise in which thousands of workers actively fleece targets all day, every day. Pig butchering scams net $64 billion a year worldwide, according to the U.S. Institute for Peace. Americans lost about $5 billion in 2024, which was a 42% increase over the …
I met a romantic scammer on Instagram
Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman who met a romantic scammer on Instagram. He said he loved her, but what he really wanted was money. Love Bombing, exploitation and manipulation. I also felt devalued and discarded. I also was hoovered. I left the relationship because he was scamming me and also blackmailing me. It was so frightening, I had to think fast. I had to close all my credit cards and I had to close all my credit reports. He was trying to blackmail me out of $100,000. And I have the proof of what he was trying to do to me. It had gotten to the point where he was trying to threaten my daughters. This is the first encounter with this Romantic …
The only treatment specifically for real recovery from narcissistic abuse
About this skills training You may have heard the old proverb, “Time heals all ills.” Well, it’s not true. When you’ve endured the manipulation, betrayal and abuse of a sociopath, the wounds are deep. If you just kind of move on, they may scab over in time, but they don’t really heal unless you consciously focus on your recovery. Therapists can be helpful if they understand your experience. But even so, therapists can’t recover for you. You’re the one who needs to recover. It will go a lot faster, and you’ll feel a lot better, if you make a decision to focus on it. So what can you do? Last fall, my colleague, Dr. Liane Leedom, who is herself a survivor, presented a Lovefraud webinar …
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Online summit: How to recover from a narcissistic mother
Most people whom I coach reach out to me because they’re dealing with a disordered partner. But what originally made them vulnerable to the exploiter? Often, they realize they’ve become romantically involved with someone who is just like their mother. Growing up with a narcissistic mother profoundly affects you. To comply with her demands and criticism, you may become a perfectionist. Or a people pleaser. And research shows that abuse as a child makes you vulnerable to hooking up with a sociopath as an adult. I am pleased to be part of a FREE upcoming online event called Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. For three days, Sept. 23-25, Laura K. Connell is bringing you int …
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Psychopath brains are smaller, research shows
Psychopaths have more than an attitude problem. They are cold, uncaring, manipulative and aggressive due in part to their biology. The overall volume of gray matter in psychopath brains is less than normal. And new research shows that specific areas of their brains associated with skills such as behavior control are smaller. What does this mean? Psychopathic traits and behaviors are baked into their heads. Changing their behavior means changing their brains, which may not be impossible, but it is certainly incredibly difficult. Magnificent brain The human brain is magnificent. It’s what sets us apart from other living creatures. The outermost layer is called the cerebral c …
9 reasons why you can’t spot the sociopath’s lies
All sociopaths lie. Lying is their most basic and common manipulative behavior, and they are very good at it. But research shows that people can usually identify a lie only 53 percent of the time. Here are nine reasons why you can’t spot the sociopaths’ lies. Most of the reasons relate to them, but a few relate to you. 1. Everything is a lie Once you realize that you’re dealing with a sociopath, you must understand that absolutely anything he or she has ever said to you could be a lie. Sociopaths lie like they breathe. If you don’t have independent verification of what he or she has said to you, it may be false. This may be really difficult for you to grasp. When normal people lie, i …
Asking the wrong question about coercive controllers
Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim. Where does this behavior come from? A Lovefraud reader sent me an article by Dr. Emma Katz, who describes herself as a “globally respected expert in coercive control, domestic violence and domestic abuse.” I invite you to read the article: She didn’t “pick wrong.” Society failed by creating millions of abusive men. In her article, Katz says there are so many abusers in the world that “we need to stop blaming women for ‘ignoring red flags’ when men turn out to be controlling and abusive partners.” I listened to Katz speak on a few podcasts …
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Your split brain: Why you still love the abuser
Perhaps you’ve had the following experience: Your new beau showered you with so much attention and affection that you fell in love. Then, slowly or quickly, your partner became deceitful, mean, disparaging and maybe even violent. You were shocked, angry and heartbroken, so you distanced yourself. But after a while, your memory of the bad behavior faded, and you just thought of the good times. You still love the abuser and want to reunite. How is this possible? When your romantic partner lies, cheats, betrays, exploits or abuses you, how can you ever forget that, and why would you return for more? The explanation is rooted in biology. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #3: Sexual magnetism
Great sex. Many people who have slept with a sociopath say it was the best sex they ever had. I surveyed Lovefraud readers for my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and 78 percent said "sexual magnetism" was characteristic of their relationship. Why is that? First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. Secondly, sociopaths are frequently good lovers. Rating sex with sociopaths People who have had sex with sociopaths almost always rave about it. "Swept off my feet by the most intense sexual experience," wrote one respondent to the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. The sentiment was echoed over and over again. I asked, "If you had sex wi …