lf1

Recovery from a sociopath

If our emotions are triggered, there’s more pain to process

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader—we’ll call her Sally:

It’s been almost four years since I left my ex psychopath. He almost had me take my own life through guilt, when it was him lying, cheating, committing fraud, you name it—a textbook case.

The reason I write to you today, however, is I am so sad and disappointed in myself yet again. Four years and I thought I was over the damage done by the psychopath so I stepped out of my comfort zone to contact an old friend I had not seen since before the psychopath came into my life.

I made a decision to visit my male friend and we had a nice time. When I returned I started analysing the situation. Was my friend just after one thing? He had made a few small promises that had not come through (generally that wouldn’t bother me too much). I felt like it was happening all over again. I felt cheated, lied to and manipulated by such minor matters.

New Year’s Resolutions for Recovering from a Sociopath

free-fireworks-image-11 cropIf you’re in the process of leaving behind a sociopath, or even just contemplating leaving a sociopath, here are New Year’s resolutions to help you accomplish your goal and get on the path to healing in 2017.

Resolution #1: NO CONTACT!!!!

Do not have any contact with the sociopath. Nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zero! This is the most important first step you can take.

No Contact is how you escape the sociopath’s magnetic pull. It enables the fog in your head to dissipate, so you can clearly see this person for what he or she is — a predator, parasite, or both. No Contact enables you to find your strength and take back your power.

When you implement No Contact, you do not see or talk to the sociopath. You do not send emails or text messages. You do not even snoop on their Facebook page.

For the holidays, give yourself the gift of honoring your experience

christmas_gift_300x200How do you get through the season of joy and hope when a lying, destructive, individual has wreaked havoc in your life?

First, be gentle with yourself. You are a normal, caring, person. Perhaps you wanted to love and be loved, as all normal people do. Perhaps you felt sorry for the individual and wanted to help. Your intentions were honorable, but the exploiter took advantage of your humanity.

Second, honor your experience. What does that mean? It means accepting that it happened. Much of the pain and confusion of tangling with a sociopath comes from not wanting to believe that these individuals are what they are, and they do what they do. Accepting that yes, they exist, and yes, you were targeted, sets the stage for moving forward.

Groups — a key to healing from a sociopath

Mary Ann GlynnBy Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT

 Most of you who have been involved with a sociopath have been to therapists either with your partner or individually. Therapy is critical to healing from the PTSD of these relationships from control, abuse, manipulation and deceit, and hopefully you have found a therapist who knows techniques for helping PTSD.

There is also the rebuilding of self and the grief of loss that therapy can help with, not to mention the potential stressful impact of divorce on yourself and any children. It would be fortunate if your therapist understands the type of relationship you’ve been in and the person you were with. This is all necessary and important, but there’s a critical piece missing to healing.

Workshop: Leaving and recovering from cultic groups and relationships

Cult turn right

(Photo by Kevin Dooley)

Both sociopaths and cult leaders engage in mind control. In fact, in many of the worst cases we hear about at Lovefraud, the relationships in which the targets have truly lost themselves, are actually cults. But these cults have only two members — the leader and the target.

If you’ve been involved in a mind control relationship, you have a brainwashed family member who cannot escape another’s grip (in fact, doesn’t even want to escape), you may be interested in an upcoming workshop.

Leaving and recovering from cultic groups and relationships: A workshop for families and former members

Presented by the International Cultic Studies Association
October 15 and 16, 2016
Hollywood, California

The workshop will cover:

  • Overview of joining, leaving, and recovery
  • Why people leave groups and why they stay
  • Recovery needs of former members
  • Trance and triggers

Leaving abusive relationships is especially hard for people in minority communities

Amber AultBy Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

Partners in abusive relationships — with psychopaths, narcissists, and other disordered individuals — often suffer in silence. This is especially true in marginalized communities.

Partners’ silence reinforces their isolation and reduces their capacity to end abuse and exploitation in these relationships.

What stops a partner from seeking help? Among the barriers to reaching out for a reality check — and support for leaving — are these common factors:

Shame. Partners worry that their association with a toxic person reflects poorly on them, and that others will judge them if they know about the abuse they are tolerating. If they’ve left and returned, the shame feels greater. Partners also often want to protect the “good reputation” of their toxic mate or the status the couple enjoys within a family or community. If friends or family opposed coupling with the toxic person, the partner faces the shame of acknowledging the decision to ignore good advice, and feels unworthy of support now.

12 songs to help you heal from a sociopath

By “JustAboutHealed”

The songs that resonate with you can help pinpoint where you are in the healing journey. Written from the heterosexual female viewpoint, ‘cause that is the path I know.  Try using music to chart your past and where you want to get to!

1.Yeah, maybe a bad boy, but still…

You think it is mostly an act. If you aim for his heart, you’re sure he’ll behave, he’s got the key.

Moves Like Jagger  by Maroon 5, featuring Christina Aguilera

2. You’re In Deep, and Quickly

“Crazy for you” is truer than you realize…

Crazy for You By Madonna

 3. Maybe Something is Wrong…

Maybe I’m just imagining things…

Just give me a reason By Pink


What to do when your exploiter has cops for friends

by Lesson Learned

CopDuring your interaction with law enforcement it is normal to feel, anxious and somewhat intimidated. Even when you’re in the right, something about that badge, gun and the general demeanor of cops can make you feel stressed. What you should not feel is fear…at least from the officers. If you feel fear – if they are standing too close, or are intentionally appearing intimidating, ask them calmly if they would take a step back as you’re feeling a little overwhelmed. This is where a witness is crucial. If the officer will not step back you have a witness to attest to that and he knows it. Throughout this I will refer to law enforcement as ‘he’ for expedience and because during my ordeal I didn’t have any interactions with female officers. I am also referring to sociopaths and other opportunists as ‘he’ again for expediency and because that is my main experience.

Help for building your support team so you can end a toxic relationship

 

Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW

Starting September 24, 2016, I will be hosting a five-week Roller Coaster Relationship Recovery Seminar & Support Group by teleconference for people in the US and EU. I especially invite readers of Lovefraud.com to join me in this powerful, supportive environment dedicated to cultivating the skills and strategies you need to create your best, happiest, sanest life possible after a difficult relationship with a toxic partner.

In my recent book, The Five Step Exit: Skills You Need to Leave a Narcissist, Psychopath, or Other Toxic Partner and Recover Your Happiness Now, I recommend that anyone who is involved with a toxic partner, preparing to leave a roller coaster relationship, or recovering from a crazy-making situation assemble a support team. Toxic relationships are complicated, confusing, and difficult. Often, an exploitive person’s manipulations result in a partner being isolated from friends and family who serve as important reality anchors and havens of support. When you become more aware of how toxic your relationship is, you become stronger by ending your isolation and increasing your resources.

Domestic violence and brain trauma

brainMany women who endured domestic violence suffer from headaches, memory loss, and confused thinking. The cause may be traumatic brain injuries due to blows to the head. Women may be exposed to the same type of head injuries as football players.

Fists not football: Brain injuries seen in domestic assaults, on Foxnews.com.