Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.
Chapter 33: The Question Is Not What You Look At But What You See (Henry David Thoreau)
For months, I had to fight the impulse to recoil whenever Paul touched me. Yet, if we did not have frequent sex, Paul’s impatience with me grew even worse. Instead of sharing intimate moments with my husband, I felt like I was feeding a beast. If I did not feed the monster, it would devour me. I had to keep him satiated to keep myself alive. Not surprisingly, our sex life was still not frequent enough or satisfying enough for Paul, so he added this to my growing list of shortcomings, which included: bad gift-giver, poor cook, complainer, incapable of meaningful conversation, lazy, controlling, demanding, and jealous. Due to my broken promise to Paul, he also made it clear that he considered me dishonest and a liar. Who was this person Paul kept describing? Certainly not me! Equally importantly, who was Paul?