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Hooked by a sociopath

Being With A Sociopath Is Like Being In A Cult

 

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 39: Past The Point Of Rescue (Hal Ketchum)

Secretly, I hoped that Paul would just pick up and leave or be killed in a plane crash or in a car accident on one of those dark nights he came home late from a business trip or “working at the office.”

Sociopaths Lack Empathy—Even For Their Own Children

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 38B:

By now, I hope you are catching on to sociopath math and can predict Paul’s reaction to arriving late with Daniel’s birthday pizza.

“But I just got here, and I cut my day short to get the pizza,” Paul said.

“Paul,” I replied, “we have to leave or the kids will be late to practice. We’ll heat it up when we get back.”

“I never said I’d be able to get here earlier,” Paul said. (He did, but he just made things up. Or maybe he never uttered those exact words. Regardless—he lied.)

Sociopaths Lie Even When The Truth Would Work Just Fine

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 38A:

I always considered Paul honorable and honest, so it took me an embarrassingly long time for inconsistencies in his version of events to register as what they were—lies. I knew my husband had faults and, in all likelihood, had had an affair with Anne-Marie, but it never occurred to me that he was fundamentally dishonest and a chronic liar. But I could not escape the observation that Paul lied seamlessly about even the smallest things.

My Unwitting Relationship With A Sociopath Corroded Who “I” Was

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 37B: “It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again.” (Yogi Berra)

Soon after, I required minor surgery. As I had with Jessica’s testing, I involved Paul when setting a date for the procedure to ensure he would be available to help the kids and me. I was forced to reschedule my procedure two times, because Paul’s work demands kept trumping my health needs. Two days before the surgery, he called me from Chicago.

“Something’s come up,” he said. “A huge account’s at stake, and I can’t get back. You can handle this, right? This client’s worth lots of money. I need to stay.”

Being Criticized, Undermined, And Dismissed – The New Normal Once Hooked By A Sociopath

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 37A: “It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again.” (Yogi Berra)

After the first seven years of my doomed marriage, Paul and I had “bottomed out,” and I almost left. Seven years later, our marriage was back on life support. By then, Jessica was twelve and Daniel almost nine. I was miserable. Nothing I did was ever right. If I made breakfast for Paul, he said he was too busy to eat breakfast together. “Can’t you see how busy I am? Why are you trying to slow me down?” If the next morning I made breakfast for only the kids and me, he rolled his eyes and suggested I was inconsiderate for not including him—that of course he had planned to have breakfast with the family, but now he was so hurt because I had excluded him that he just wanted to get to work.

Sociopaths Triangulate To Keep You Off-balance And Doubting Yourself

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 36: One Big, Happy Extended Family

Two years after starting A-M-P Consulting Solutions, we were stable enough financially to do something we had not done in years—go on a family vacation.

Dr. Jekyll + Mr. Hyde Behavior = Sociopath

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35B: The Weeds Always Win

Consistent with sociopath math, Paul’s refusal to help knew no bounds. One Sunday, I went down to our basement to do laundry, only to discover two inches of water on the floor. The water heater had broken and flooded our basement with over sixty gallons of water.

Grumbling about being distracted from watching a football game, Paul sized up the situation, went to another part of the basement, and returned a minute later with our seventy-pint dehumidifier. He placed it in a remote, dry part of the basement.

“You’re Too Sensitive”—Just One Way Sociopaths Shirk Responsibility

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35A: The Weeds Always Win

When Paul and Anne-Marie found themselves with some available time, they hung out a shingle for their own consulting company—A-M-P Consulting Solutions. About this time we discovered that, although Daniel was an exceptionally bright child, he had some severe learning challenges and developmental delays that would mean years of work with specialists, daily therapy at home, and bi-weekly professional help. I orchestrated all of his diagnoses, care, and therapy. Paul never got involved and never seemed all that concerned. I assumed Paul was just too busy starting his own company, that he completely trusted me to take care of Daniel’s needs, and that he was calm in the face of adversity. Not knowing that Paul was and is a sociopath, how would I have ever attributed his behavior to total indifference regarding the welfare of his own son?

Sociopaths Are Often Calm Under Pressure And Lie Seamlessly

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

 

Chapter 34: The Illusion of Hope

As a sociopath, Paul’s black, vacant soul is not capable of change, but as a good actor, he transformed his behavior quickly and profoundly. He just had to dust off a character he had already perfected—that of a doting companion. If he wanted me to continue as his stagehand, and if he wanted to avoid a divorce that was not on his terms and his timetable, he needed to put on a good show. He could do that, and he did.

How sociopaths intentionally mess with your mind

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I talk to a lot of people who are, or have been, involved with sociopaths. Time and time again they tell me, “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

This is exactly how sociopaths want you to feel. Why? Because if you are confused and unsure of yourself, you are more pliable. You are easier to control, and what sociopaths want is to control you.

So how do they mess with your mind?

Lies from hello to goodbye

First of all, they lie.

Now, this may not sound all that terrible, because we all lie from time to time. But normal people lie to get out of trouble or spare someone’s feelings. Sociopaths lie because they have an agenda.