For children of sociopaths

An inside look at sociopathic callousness and betrayal

Outraged blonde woman  with arms crossed on white backgroundIn a post on Yahoo!, here’s how a woman describes her mother:

She was a woman motivated solely by money and other shallow luxuries of life. If her husband spent 17 days of a month out of the country, signing huge deals, it was only to bring to his beautiful (on the outside) wife all the extravagances he knew, she had an eye for – perfumes from Paris, dresses from London, and lipsticks from New York. My father was basically running errands to populate my mother’s closet, in the guise of business meetings.

While her husband was on these business/shopping trips, the wife entertained another man in her bed.

And the woman telling the story — well, the whole scenario affected her, although it’s unclear whether she is disordered or traumatized.

I didn’t cry at my mother’s death, I laughed at my father’s gullibility, on Yahoo.com.

There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy


Hello. I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my ex. I talk about how I learned to manage the situation and how I have recovered peace and happiness despite obstacles. Look for a new chapter here each week on Fridays. Here is the third chapter.

How to know if you were raised by a narcissist, and what to do about it

Raised by narcissistYou feel like a doormat, you are competitive with siblings, you have no sense of yourself. Worse yet, you can’t figure out why you feel the way you do.

An insightful article on Huffington Post, written by Anna Almendrala, suggests that your problem may not have originated with you, but with your parents. Maybe your parents were narcissists.

The article describes six ways you may feel or behave now, why your emotions or behaviors may be the result of a narcissistic parent, and how you can recover.

6 Signs you were raised by a narcissist, on Huffingtonpost.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.




My father the sociopath: ‘I should just kill you’

Emotional young blondeEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Judith-Ann.”

Many of us grow up in homes of loud abuses. As children, constant new realities wail on our fledgling emotions, all too often beating them into submission. Some of us give up. Our sensitive natures can’t bear the hate of our own creators and we crash into ourselves in a thousand ways, catching fire until we burn out like stars, until there is nothing of ourselves but a black hole of self-hatred.

Others of us continue to rail against the injustices committed against us. The Unwanted, we bash our brains out against the bars of an invisible cage from which we honestly believe we can never be freed. I guess I should be grateful that I fell into the latter of these categories. That is not to say I haven’t vacillated between the two. But I was given others in my life that I love more than myself and for whom I had to fight, people who would have died without me. If I had thought that they might have survived without me, even in extreme difficulty, I cannot say I wouldn’t have pulled my own plug long ago.

Co-parenting and Interactions with the Sociopath After the Divorce

by Quinn Piercequinn pierce photo

I sat on the edge of the stage watching the teams race up and down the court. It was the first game of my son’s basketball tournament. I knew my ex-husband was there, because I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot.  I wasn’t surprised that he was there, even though he said he wasn’t going.  He often changed his plans last minute, or lied entirely just to avoid giving a difinitive answer and to keep others off balance.

When I saw him standing by the players, I felt a mix of annoyance and disgust that he continues to play the ‘Father of the Year’ role, despite the cruel and un-fatherly behavior he practices behind closed doors.  At least I knew he would not try to interact with me, so I sat comfortably a good distance away and watched my son.

The Cost of a Sociopath

I’ve been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is:

All my life, I’ve been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques.

“For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.”

Something like that.

But I don’t think anyone knows how many years you lose to a psychopath. Not even counting the years you spend going crazy before you finally figure out what you’re dealing with; not counting the years you spend in fear for your life or for your children’s safety or whether you’ll get to see them the next day. Not counting the years you spend together, sharing a home and meals and a bed, snuggled up next to someone who could easily do you in and after a few years doesn’t hesitate to let you know that indeed, you might be done in.

I knew immediately something was wrong, but I felt trapped

Spath TalesEditor’s Note:  This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts under the name “sunshinejan.” The names in this story have been changed.

I married someone I met online after a relatively short courtship that I and friends/family felt was sufficient to answer our questions and made us feel secure as conservative evangelical Christians about his intentions and character.

Once I was married and moved out of the country away from my family and gave up my beloved profession and friends to be with him, I knew immediately something was wrong, but I felt trapped.

He abused my credit in two countries and lied before and during the marriage about his financial situation.

He played shell games with at least 12 credit card accounts (nine in my name) in two countries (that I know of) and took loans out against the house that was financed in my name and liquidated investments and retirement funds.

Christie Brinkley receives public apology from ex-husband’s 2nd ex-wife


Christie Brinkley

Suzanne Shaw, architect Peter Cook’s second wife, realized she should have listened to Christie Brinkley. The supermodel — Cook’s first wife —  tried to warn Shaw of Cook’s philandering before she married him.

Shaw and Cook have now split up due to Cook’s “skirt chasing.” Shaw felt that a public apology to Brinkley was both ‘appropriate and deserved.’

Peter Cook’s ex apologizes to Brinkley for ignoring warnings, from NYPOST.com.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worse

Spath TalesEditor’s Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Good Mom.”

The father of my son was a spath.

He is now deceased. He killed himself.

He was a drug and alcohol addict and he was very abusive. I was beaten regularly. I was a possession. He owned me and he owned everything that was mine.

He lied as easily as he breathed.

I went through a very difficult break up with him when my son was 3 years old. I did not know until after his death that he was a spath.

We have a son who is now 37 years old, and I do believe this is hereditary because he is also a spath and acts exactly the same as his father, maybe even worse.

“It’s done. I’ve killed them.”

dancing sisters

Indianna 3, and Savannah, 4 were smothered to death by their father.

On Easter Sunday, 2014, 36-year-old Charles Amon Mihayo, of Melbourne, Australia, went to the home of his estranged partner’s parents, where he had made arrangements to see his two daughters, Indianna, three, and Savannah, four years old.

He dressed the girls in pretty ballerina dresses that he had bought earlier that day, and had them do a dance in the back yard for their mother and grand parents. Then he brought the girls inside, locked the doors, video recorded them dancing again, and then smothered them to death while their mother and grandparents were locked out.

When police arrived Mihayo told them. “It’s done.I’ve killed them.”

Charles Amon Mihayo watched his daughters dance before murdering them, from ABC.net.au

Link sent by a Lovefraud reader.