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Explaining the sociopath

Being Criticised, Undermined, And Dismissed–The New Normal Once Hooked By A Sociopath

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 37A: “It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again.” (Yogi Berra)

After the first seven years of my doomed marriage, Paul and I had “bottomed out,” and I almost left. Seven years later, our marriage was back on life support. By then, Jessica was twelve and Daniel almost nine. I was miserable. Nothing I did was ever right. If I made breakfast for Paul, he said he was too busy to eat breakfast together. “Can’t you see how busy I am? Why are you trying to slow me down?” If the next morning I made breakfast for only the kids and me, he rolled his eyes and suggested I was inconsiderate for not including him—that of course he had planned to have breakfast with the family, but now he was so hurt because I had excluded him that he just wanted to get to work.

Sociopaths Triangulate To Keep You Off-balance And Doubting Yourself

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 36: One Big, Happy Extended Family

Two years after starting A-M-P Consulting Solutions, we were stable enough financially to do something we had not done in years—go on a family vacation.

Dr. George Simon presents an alternative approach to treating character disorders

Man Figure In SilhouetteLovefraud Continuing Education Webinar:
Character Disturbances and Disorders
Jan. 30 and Feb. 2, 12 PM to 2 PM ET
More information

If you’re a therapist, you may find yourself increasingly dealing with individuals with significant personality and character disturbances and disorders. You may have found your traditional insight-oriented therapy approaches to be ineffective in such cases.

While some therapists simply dismiss personality-related problems as unmodifiable or untreatable, Dr. George Simon shares a unique perspective that provides new understanding of the nature of character disturbance and a framework for effecting change in challenging clients.

You probably learned that in classical psychology, emotional and psychological distress is believed to be caused by internal, unconscious conflict. This conflict is eventually manifested in psychoneurotic symptoms. But according to Dr. George Simon, this traditional conceptualization does not explain what is happening in people with character disturbances and disorders.

Dr. Jekyll + Mr. Hyde Behavior = Sociopath

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35B: The Weeds Always Win

Consistent with sociopath math, Paul’s refusal to help knew no bounds. One Sunday, I went down to our basement to do laundry, only to discover two inches of water on the floor. The water heater had broken and flooded our basement with over sixty gallons of water.

Grumbling about being distracted from watching a football game, Paul sized up the situation, went to another part of the basement, and returned a minute later with our seventy-pint dehumidifier. He placed it in a remote, dry part of the basement.

“You’re Too Sensitive”—Just One Way Sociopaths Shirk Responsibility

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35A: The Weeds Always Win

When Paul and Anne-Marie found themselves with some available time, they hung out a shingle for their own consulting company—A-M-P Consulting Solutions. About this time we discovered that, although Daniel was an exceptionally bright child, he had some severe learning challenges and developmental delays that would mean years of work with specialists, daily therapy at home, and bi-weekly professional help. I orchestrated all of his diagnoses, care, and therapy. Paul never got involved and never seemed all that concerned. I assumed Paul was just too busy starting his own company, that he completely trusted me to take care of Daniel’s needs, and that he was calm in the face of adversity. Not knowing that Paul was and is a sociopath, how would I have ever attributed his behavior to total indifference regarding the welfare of his own son?

Sociopaths Are Often Calm Under Pressure And Lie Seamlessly

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

 

Chapter 34: The Illusion of Hope

As a sociopath, Paul’s black, vacant soul is not capable of change, but as a good actor, he transformed his behavior quickly and profoundly. He just had to dust off a character he had already perfected—that of a doting companion. If he wanted me to continue as his stagehand, and if he wanted to avoid a divorce that was not on his terms and his timetable, he needed to put on a good show. He could do that, and he did.

How Sociopaths Turn Our Empathy Against Us

 

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 33: The Question Is Not What You Look At But What You See (Henry David Thoreau)

For months, I had to fight the impulse to recoil whenever Paul touched me. Yet, if we did not have frequent sex, Paul’s impatience with me grew even worse. Instead of sharing intimate moments with my husband, I felt like I was feeding a beast. If I did not feed the monster, it would devour me. I had to keep him satiated to keep myself alive. Not surprisingly, our sex life was still not frequent enough or satisfying enough for Paul, so he added this to my growing list of shortcomings, which included: bad gift-giver, poor cook, complainer, incapable of meaningful conversation, lazy, controlling, demanding, and jealous. Due to my broken promise to Paul, he also made it clear that he considered me dishonest and a liar. Who was this person Paul kept describing? Certainly not me! Equally importantly, who was Paul?

10 reasons why sociopaths’ lies seem so believable

lies-magnifier-represents-no-lying-and-correctWhen we finally figure out that just about everything a sociopath told us is a lie, we are shocked. How can anyone lie so fluently? And why did we fall for it?

Here are 10 reasons why the lies sociopaths tell seem so believable:

  1. Sociopaths tell you how honest they are

Early on, sociopaths may tell you how much they value honesty, that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationships. Their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness, so that when you encounter their lies, you don’t see them.

  1. Sociopaths lie while they look directly into your eyes

Some experts say that if people look up and to their right while speaking, it’s a sign that they are lying. Other experts dispute this. Regardless, we all tend to believe that if someone can look us in the eye while talking, then they are telling the truth. Sociopaths know this, so they look us in the eye as they lie.

Why our brains don’t see the truth about sociopaths

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 32: So Close And Yet So Far

Having validation that my perception of Paul was as real as any perception could be and not distorted by my bias and any personal baggage was inordinately helpful. Paul had always played the “I have no idea what you are talking about” or the “You must be jealous” cards with me when I broached the subject of his and Anne-Marie’s behavior. I was always too willing to see the grey in any situation, to give Paul the benefit of the doubt.

Sociopaths Can Turn On You In A Heartbeat

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 31: Not Your Everyday Walk In The Park

Soon after the cookie incident, I was in a park near Paul’s office when I noticed two people who worked for Paul eating a bag lunch while sitting on the park swings. Neither of them recognized me. The only time I had met them was at a holiday party, and I had been dressed up with makeup, contacts, and my hair down. With blue jeans and a sweatshirt, no makeup, glasses, and my hair pulled back in a ponytail, even casual friends often told me I did not seem like the same person. No wonder it did not register with these two virtual strangers that I was Paul’s wife. No wonder they continued their conversation at normal volume, easily overheard.