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Explaining the sociopath

Sociopaths Lack Empathy—Even For Their Own Children

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 38B:

By now, I hope you are catching on to sociopath math and can predict Paul’s reaction to arriving late with Daniel’s birthday pizza.

“But I just got here, and I cut my day short to get the pizza,” Paul said.

“Paul,” I replied, “we have to leave or the kids will be late to practice. We’ll heat it up when we get back.”

“I never said I’d be able to get here earlier,” Paul said. (He did, but he just made things up. Or maybe he never uttered those exact words. Regardless—he lied.)

Love, sex, your brain and sociopaths

Young naked Man and woman in love are kissingEver since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they’ve been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain.

Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love.

Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in love. He had the test subjects look at photos of platonic friends and of their loved ones while he observed activity in their brains. The resulting images clearly showed that certain sections of the brain are stimulated by love.

Sociopaths Lie Even When The Truth Would Work Just Fine

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 38A:

I always considered Paul honorable and honest, so it took me an embarrassingly long time for inconsistencies in his version of events to register as what they were—lies. I knew my husband had faults and, in all likelihood, had had an affair with Anne-Marie, but it never occurred to me that he was fundamentally dishonest and a chronic liar. But I could not escape the observation that Paul lied seamlessly about even the smallest things.

My Unwitting Relationship With A Sociopath Corroded Who “I” Was

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 37B: “It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again.” (Yogi Berra)

Soon after, I required minor surgery. As I had with Jessica’s testing, I involved Paul when setting a date for the procedure to ensure he would be available to help the kids and me. I was forced to reschedule my procedure two times, because Paul’s work demands kept trumping my health needs. Two days before the surgery, he called me from Chicago.

“Something’s come up,” he said. “A huge account’s at stake, and I can’t get back. You can handle this, right? This client’s worth lots of money. I need to stay.”

Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath

AnxietyDepression_300x200One of the reasons why it’s so difficult to explain what happens when you’re involved with a sociopath is that you don’t have the words.

Because of the general lack of awareness about personality disorders in society, and the lack of education about it, there is no generally accepted terminology to describe various aspects of the experience.

But descriptive language has evolved among online communities of survivors. Here is a vocabulary to help you name what you experienced. When you can name it, you can begin to recover from it.

1 Love Bombing

When sociopaths set about reeling you in, a key seduction strategy is love bombing. They shower you with attention and affection, want to be with you all the time, make you feel like the most important person in the world.

Being Criticized, Undermined, And Dismissed – The New Normal Once Hooked By A Sociopath

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 37A: “It’s Like Déjà Vu All Over Again.” (Yogi Berra)

After the first seven years of my doomed marriage, Paul and I had “bottomed out,” and I almost left. Seven years later, our marriage was back on life support. By then, Jessica was twelve and Daniel almost nine. I was miserable. Nothing I did was ever right. If I made breakfast for Paul, he said he was too busy to eat breakfast together. “Can’t you see how busy I am? Why are you trying to slow me down?” If the next morning I made breakfast for only the kids and me, he rolled his eyes and suggested I was inconsiderate for not including him—that of course he had planned to have breakfast with the family, but now he was so hurt because I had excluded him that he just wanted to get to work.

Sociopaths Triangulate To Keep You Off-balance And Doubting Yourself

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 36: One Big, Happy Extended Family

Two years after starting A-M-P Consulting Solutions, we were stable enough financially to do something we had not done in years—go on a family vacation.

Dr. George Simon presents an alternative approach to treating character disorders

Man Figure In SilhouetteLovefraud Continuing Education Webinar:
Character Disturbances and Disorders
Jan. 30 and Feb. 2, 12 PM to 2 PM ET
More information

If you’re a therapist, you may find yourself increasingly dealing with individuals with significant personality and character disturbances and disorders. You may have found your traditional insight-oriented therapy approaches to be ineffective in such cases.

While some therapists simply dismiss personality-related problems as unmodifiable or untreatable, Dr. George Simon shares a unique perspective that provides new understanding of the nature of character disturbance and a framework for effecting change in challenging clients.

You probably learned that in classical psychology, emotional and psychological distress is believed to be caused by internal, unconscious conflict. This conflict is eventually manifested in psychoneurotic symptoms. But according to Dr. George Simon, this traditional conceptualization does not explain what is happening in people with character disturbances and disorders.

Dr. Jekyll + Mr. Hyde Behavior = Sociopath

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35B: The Weeds Always Win

Consistent with sociopath math, Paul’s refusal to help knew no bounds. One Sunday, I went down to our basement to do laundry, only to discover two inches of water on the floor. The water heater had broken and flooded our basement with over sixty gallons of water.

Grumbling about being distracted from watching a football game, Paul sized up the situation, went to another part of the basement, and returned a minute later with our seventy-pint dehumidifier. He placed it in a remote, dry part of the basement.

“You’re Too Sensitive”—Just One Way Sociopaths Shirk Responsibility

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 35A: The Weeds Always Win

When Paul and Anne-Marie found themselves with some available time, they hung out a shingle for their own consulting company—A-M-P Consulting Solutions. About this time we discovered that, although Daniel was an exceptionally bright child, he had some severe learning challenges and developmental delays that would mean years of work with specialists, daily therapy at home, and bi-weekly professional help. I orchestrated all of his diagnoses, care, and therapy. Paul never got involved and never seemed all that concerned. I assumed Paul was just too busy starting his own company, that he completely trusted me to take care of Daniel’s needs, and that he was calm in the face of adversity. Not knowing that Paul was and is a sociopath, how would I have ever attributed his behavior to total indifference regarding the welfare of his own son?