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Explaining the sociopath

With a sociopath, the “good times” are bait to keep you in a losing game

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 44A: A Second Honeymoon

As the next school year unfolded, it was as if Paul and I were on a second honeymoon. He started seeing a therapist weekly, and his dedication to change was apparent immediately. When an old college friend contacted me to let me know she would be in the area and wanted to know if I wanted to get away for a girl’s weekend together, Paul assured me he would look after the kids so I could go. And he did. Prior to that, he had never watched the kids for more than a few hours, always saying that his work commitments were too great or cancelling at the last minute. Books I would enjoy continued to show up at the house, ordered by Paul. He even planned dinners together and time to go to shows—just the two of us. He started arriving home earlier, allowing him to invest time in Jessica, Daniel, and me.

No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sex

LETTERS LOGO 2Two Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.

Read the letters here:

I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day

I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated

Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?

When your instincts scream, “RUN!,” please listen

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 43B: No Way Out

I realize now that this was all an act. If Paul sensed I was going to leave him (and our marriage was going to dissolve on my terms, not his), he needed to do something drastic—appear to care, to accept some responsibility for our relationship, and to be committed to change. He needed to tap my empathy.

Paul’s request felt surreal, partly because it was so out of character and partly because a piece of me must have been holding onto the foolish hope that the Paul with whom I had fallen in love was still there and would return someday.

With a sociopath, the promise “I’ll change” is just another con

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 43A: No Way Out

At the end of the summer, before Jessica’s first year of high school and Daniel’s first year of middle school, I took them with me to spend four days in Vermont with my parents. I needed the weekend away from Paul to try to know my own mind. I did not tell Paul this, only that I wanted to take the kids to see my parents. When I had done this in the past, there was always never-acknowledged, emotional hell to pay for “abandoning” Paul. I didn’t care.

Wall Street Journal explains that anyone can be conned

con manSophisticated readers of the Wall Street Journal beware: You can be conned, just like the rest of us.

The following article, by Susan Pinker, appeared in last weekend’s edition:

You can’t be fooled by a con? Don’t count on it, on WSJ.com.

The Journal doesn’t provide articles for free, so I’ll provide a summary of key points:

  • 35 million Americans fall for scams each year, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
  • One reason we fall for scams is because we are biologically programmed to trust and cooperate.
  • Research shows that we can detect a lie only about 50 percent of the time.
  • The unconscious mind may be better at detecting lies than rational focus.

So if you’ve been conned or deceived – and if you were involved with a sociopath, you probably were – it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you’re human.

“Could He/She Be A Sociopath?” Is A Question We Must Know To Ask

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 42: Writer’s Block

Game theory and the sociopath

Man Behind Bars

Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That’s what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.

Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.

Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, in which an individual’s success in making choices depends on the choices of others.”

Sociopaths Slowly Dismantle Our Internal Compass

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 41C:

It was the first time in years I had known what I wanted, had gone about the decision the way I wanted, and had not let Paul convince me of what I should want. Knowing that I had not caved in to what Paul told me I should do was satisfying.

Sociopaths Play “Whack-A-Mole”– With You!

Husband Liar SociopathEvery week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 41B:

The mountain I had chosen to climb—that of my own emotional recovery in the context of an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship that I recognized as complicated and imperfect but not as “abusive”—was steep and high. Not only did I not have a cheerleader, I had the opposite—“crazy making,” deceitful unraveling of any attempt to regain emotional strength. Still, day-by-day and week-by-week, I elevated myself in my mind as someone who deserved happiness and had independent needs that deserved to be met. After a year of weekly sessions with Dr. Davis, I felt ready to lay the foundation for a different future. I needed a life that was not defined totally by being Paul’s wife and Jessica and Daniel’s mother.

An Unwitting Relationship With A Sociopath Changes Us

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 41A:

Over the next year, with Dr. Davis’s help, I changed, but Paul did not. As my emotional strength and awareness grew, albeit slowly, I started to understand one of Paul’s key manipulation tactics, and I refused to be sucked in.