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Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

My sociopathic ex-husband led my son into the lion’s den

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we’ll call “Eleanor.” Names have been changed.

The sociopath is my ex-husband. We were married for 10 years, two children, girl and boy. He changed THE DAY we were married.

He has alcohol problem, cheated on me, lies. When I asked him to see marriage counselor, he told me to go by myself. I went for counseling by myself for approximately 4 months and was told, “I can either counsel you to live with him or counsel you to live without him.”

This is way before I figured out he is a sociopath, I decided this was not my idea of love. So I told ex that I was going for divorce.

He was enraged. Would not give me money for lawyer. My sister gave me money. He did not have an attorney and dictated what he would pay for child support and everything he wasn’t going to do. I accepted 50% child support.

I had to wake up to reality — psychopaths are real

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Willa.”

My Mom and sister are mean and they don’t feel guilt. They made the pain seem normal.

I finally hit bottom and had to wake up to a reality I never dreamed was true, “psychopaths are real.”

I was in a relationship for 4 years of torture. I thought he was my dream man. I thought we where going to marry. When we met, he was 35 and lived with his mom and dad. They said he was a loving son, good boy never in trouble. I never saw him drink, drugs, smoke.

He liked everything I liked. It was like my perfect twin soul mate. He did what I wanted to do. He went along with everything I wanted. Outwardly I never saw him angry at me. He never showed any feelings really. He had a poker face and I did not know it.

He asked me for money — then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for money

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Agatha.”

I started to talk to a male friend I was connected to on Facebook after I had a tough break up. He said he reached out to me because he had just gone through similar and thought he could help.

After a few weeks we started to flirt with each other. I did at first, then he went full blown. Within a week of this talk, he admitted he loved me. I did think it was soon but I felt the same.

Then he said he wanted to marry me, possibly have a child, grow old together. Said we were life partners.

I went to visit him and spent a three-day weekend with him, and he had his two young sons for the days of that weekend. So I got to know them.

The narcissists in my life — the screamer and the deceiver

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Hilda.”

I have had a narcissistic work experience, 20+ years ago, and am currently divorcing from a marriage/ relationship of 27+ years. My divorce, no surprise, has been 3 1/2 years running, and involves theft, fraud, forgery, abuse, cheating, etc.

The screamer — my female boss

I worked for a woman 20 years ago who thought that smashing phones and computer screens, screaming and yelling, hanging up on people and bullying them were completely normal business practices. She was a buyer and sales people were at her mercy.

It was crazy and intimidating but I did not have the full wrath until I needed her to sign a proof of employment in the purchase of our first house. The crazy hours working on a small salary, often arriving at work at 5 am and not arriving home until 7 or 8 at night, became even more demanding and manipulating, knowing that I had a mortgage to pay.

I almost left my husband for a narcissist

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Marguerite.”

Hi Donna. I have recently read your book Love Fraud and am now reading Red Flags of Love Fraud, both of which I found were excellent. I feel I am recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist, although I feel blessed that things did not progress from the love bombing stage, which was exactly as you describe in your second book.

Showering me with attention

It was a very intense period of showering me with a huge amount of attention, adoration and admiration, and I now believe telling me the things I wanted to hear. I’m ashamed to say I was already married when I met him, and at the time wanted to leave my current relationship. I believe this left me vulnerable and gave the narcissist a way in – he was going to help me leave and support me in any way I needed and wanted.

Video: Basic rules for a custody battle with a sociopath

In this edition of “Letters to Lovefraud” videos, a reader is facing a custody battle with her son’s father, who she believes is a sociopath. She asks, “What are my options? Can I mention him being a sociopath in court without looking crazy?”

I explain the basic rules of a custody battle with a sociopath. I emphasize that this is not a court procedure with a reasonable person who wants what is best for the child. And I explain your most important tool for building your case.

Discovering the double life: For 6 years, I was sleeping next to the devil (Part 2)

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Nadine.” Read Part 1.

I met my partner’s parents very early on in the relationship.

I was equipped with some knowledge about Narcs due to one of my friends having a Narc ex-mother-in-law. My radar was up, but unfortunately I was looking closely at mother and father instead of him.

I did not know about love bombing, so I had no clue he was even remotely like his parents. I knew she was bad news the day I met her. Father was the silent brooding intimating type. Throughout the relationship I was constantly standing my ground with boundaries that were continuously ignored or disrespected.

As the mask of my Narc started to slip, I blamed his parents for all of his problems. I started to loathe their presence in my life and how they had caused so much pain to the person I was committed to.

Discovering the double life: For 6 years, I was sleeping next to the devil (Part 1)

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Nadine.”

When the mask of your Narcopath is ripped off in a split second you spend your days reeling from the shock of what you discovered. This is my story of how I took my power back and why I need to keep reminding myself it’s still in my hands.

The bad days make me forget I have the power; the good days make me grateful I do.

I’ll call him the Narc from this point forward, however I’m still unsure what his diagnosis is. He could be a sociopath/psychopath/anti social. My psychologist thinks he has a dual diagnosis of some type. He doesn’t fit any of the boxes neatly, but he is on the spectrum without a doubt.

3 sociopathic partners, one after the other

 

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Gianna.”

The first sociopath I met was most likely my ex husband. He did not show guilt nor remorse for his constant infidelity and apathy towards me for the 2 years that we were together. Finally when he found someone new, he agreed to an annulment, but it proved favourable to him because now he had a reason to do so because he got the girl pregnant and he could blame me for the annulment because in the years we were apart, I also had a relationship. And the full blame on the annulment was directed at me instead of him.

Gaslighting and one key behavior that reveals a sociopath’s true character

Here’s the next installment of Letters to Lovefraud. Because of her medical issues, a Lovefraud reader doesn’t want to have sex with her boyfriend — and suddenly her keys are missing. Is he retaliating? 

I explain that the boyfriend’s behavior may be even worse than retaliating — it may be gaslighting. His objective is to make her doubt her own perceptions so that she is more easily controlled. And that’s not the only issue. The bigger problem is — why is he demanding sex when she is in pain?