Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

I almost left my husband for a narcissist

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Marguerite.”

Hi Donna. I have recently read your book Love Fraud and am now reading Red Flags of Love Fraud, both of which I found were excellent. I feel I am recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist, although I feel blessed that things did not progress from the love bombing stage, which was exactly as you describe in your second book.

Showering me with attention

It was a very intense period of showering me with a huge amount of attention, adoration and admiration, and I now believe telling me the things I wanted to hear. I’m ashamed to say I was already married when I met him, and at the time wanted to leave my current relationship. I believe this left me vulnerable and gave the narcissist a way in – he was going to help me leave and support me in any way I needed and wanted.

Video: Basic rules for a custody battle with a sociopath

In this edition of “Letters to Lovefraud” videos, a reader is facing a custody battle with her son’s father, who she believes is a sociopath. She asks, “What are my options? Can I mention him being a sociopath in court without looking crazy?”

I explain the basic rules of a custody battle with a sociopath. I emphasize that this is not a court procedure with a reasonable person who wants what is best for the child. And I explain your most important tool for building your case.

Discovering the double life: For 6 years, I was sleeping next to the devil (Part 2)

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Nadine.” Read Part 1.

I met my partner’s parents very early on in the relationship.

I was equipped with some knowledge about Narcs due to one of my friends having a Narc ex-mother-in-law. My radar was up, but unfortunately I was looking closely at mother and father instead of him.

I did not know about love bombing, so I had no clue he was even remotely like his parents. I knew she was bad news the day I met her. Father was the silent brooding intimating type. Throughout the relationship I was constantly standing my ground with boundaries that were continuously ignored or disrespected.

As the mask of my Narc started to slip, I blamed his parents for all of his problems. I started to loathe their presence in my life and how they had caused so much pain to the person I was committed to.

Discovering the double life: For 6 years, I was sleeping next to the devil (Part 1)

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Nadine.”

When the mask of your Narcopath is ripped off in a split second you spend your days reeling from the shock of what you discovered. This is my story of how I took my power back and why I need to keep reminding myself it’s still in my hands.

The bad days make me forget I have the power; the good days make me grateful I do.

I’ll call him the Narc from this point forward, however I’m still unsure what his diagnosis is. He could be a sociopath/psychopath/anti social. My psychologist thinks he has a dual diagnosis of some type. He doesn’t fit any of the boxes neatly, but he is on the spectrum without a doubt.

3 sociopathic partners, one after the other


Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Gianna.”

The first sociopath I met was most likely my ex husband. He did not show guilt nor remorse for his constant infidelity and apathy towards me for the 2 years that we were together. Finally when he found someone new, he agreed to an annulment, but it proved favourable to him because now he had a reason to do so because he got the girl pregnant and he could blame me for the annulment because in the years we were apart, I also had a relationship. And the full blame on the annulment was directed at me instead of him.

Gaslighting and one key behavior that reveals a sociopath’s true character

Here’s the next installment of Letters to Lovefraud. Because of her medical issues, a Lovefraud reader doesn’t want to have sex with her boyfriend — and suddenly her keys are missing. Is he retaliating? 

I explain that the boyfriend’s behavior may be even worse than retaliating — it may be gaslighting. His objective is to make her doubt her own perceptions so that she is more easily controlled. And that’s not the only issue. The bigger problem is — why is he demanding sex when she is in pain?

I detected a sense of evilness and anger coming from him. I knew he was ready to kill me.

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Marguerite.”

This extremely attractive person started speaking to me while I was taking a break in the park one day. Because of his strong charisma, I related back.

We kept in touch afterward. I had just moved to NY and had nowhere to go so after a few weeks I moved in with him. I did wonder why he was by himself but I found out later.

One month after moving in he started hitting me in the face for no good reason. I was pretty shocked and angry.

Two days later he did the same thing. I was nauseated because the cut he caused in my mouth was re-opened. I never had that happen.

Lies, manipulation, cheating, fraud, drugs, fake remorse, threats — this marriage to a sociopath had it all

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Noreen.”

My soon-to-be ex-husband of 14 years, whom I thought was loving, adoring and charming, is actually a very manipulative, deceitful and emotionally abusive sociopath.

Met at 17

He hooked me at 17 years old. I was fun, ambitious and a lot of boys pursued me. Best of all, I was naive. I see the good in everyone. And even though he did some bad stuff at the time … I attributed it to him just being a teenager.

I was amazed how he seemed to be a magnet to everyone around him. People were drawn to him. He was so charismatic and no matter what he did … they loved him. We met working for a retail shop and he was the worst employee, yet he was praised for being the best. He made fun of our co-workers to their face, and they would laugh at him because they thought he was joking, and they loved him for it. Even though I didn’t like that, I felt like I was privileged that he wanted me.

No Contact vs Justice

CopEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as “justlikeyou.”

I will not give up my power. You have taken enough from me.

First a little background. I’m a nurse. I’m a proud American. I have worked in the field of developmental disabilities for 20 plus years. I have lived in California all of my life. California is unique in the way we serve individuals with developmental disabilities. There are families who move to this state simply because of it. In 1969 the Lanterman Act was passed in California. Simply put “The Lanterman Act declares that persons with developmental disabilities have the same legal rights and responsibilities guaranteed all other persons by federal and state constitutions and laws, and charges the regional center with advocacy for, and protection of, these rights.” I work within this regional center system. So you see for the last 20 plus years have spent 40 hours per week, sometimes more, advocating for the basic fundamental rights of people with developmental disabilities. I advocate for people who have their rights trampled routinely. I do my best to protect and serve on a daily basis.

I help him escape; she manipulates him back and wipes out all his money

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we’ll call “Carlotta.”

I started out close friends with a man married to a sociopathic woman, which later turned into a romantic relationship.

This woman was evil to the core. He attempted to divorce her multiple times, but to no avail.

She always used manipulation to get him back. Once back, she wipes all the money out that I helped him save. She took every, every penny he had and left him with nothing.

He made very good money, plus got a pension to boot. She would take everything for herself. His bank accounts never had more than a few dollars in it. She took out multiple loans in his name (she conned him into signing for them), which he never saw a dime of.