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Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

The tables were turning – I was not the easy open target anymore (Part 2)

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Celia.” Names have been changed. Read Part 1.

His home loan

Out of the blue one day, probably two weeks after I had arrived, he had me sit on his lap, and was stroking my arm lovingly. He casually asked if when my home sold, I could put the proceeds into his home loan. I got the strangest twinge of panic inside me, and asked him why I would do that. He immediately threw me off his lap and became tense and argumentative.

To calm him down, I suggested we maybe buy a holiday home together along the coastline somewhere. He was not interested at all. Thinking back, he probably had a stinky credit record and would not be able to get a further home loan. He wanted to steal my money from me. No more was said about this but I am sure he plotted more revenge toward me. It began to feel like he hated me, but I did not want to believe that so told myself I was being silly.

The tables were turning – I was not the easy open target anymore (Part 1)

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Celia.” Names have been changed.

Hi Donna,

I have been reading your blog for a few years now and although I have not made myself visible, I have been active reading all the stories and advice you have shared with everyone. Your blog created an awareness within myself of just what I had encountered, and why I felt so traumatised during and after the relationship. There were times I could not bring myself to read some of the stories, as it brought back so much of the trauma I was wanting to suppress.

My relationship was very short, about 6 months in total, but nevertheless, shattered my dreams and faith in some people. My trust was gone. There were also times I wanted to respond to stories, but felt too angry and knew I would not express myself in the correct manner. I was very emotional with high anxiety and depression that turned me into a person I hardly recognised.

I continued to choose him over everyone and everything that ever mattered to me

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received this story from a reader whom we’ll call “Ellie.”

This is the story of how I allowed myself to become emotionally dismantled by the man to whom I chose to give my heart.

I loved him unconditionally. I accepted and forgave him without judgment. I empathized with stories of his childhood, when he felt unseen, unloved and insecure. I nurtured him through times of deep depression, drug abuse and alcoholism. I made excuse after excuse by rationalizing his behavior and convincing myself that I knew he could be more than what he was. I believed he could be the man I saw him to be, the man he wished he could be … I held on to hope that it would be ok, and that there wasn’t anything we couldn’t get through together.

Husband takes his new wife shopping on their honeymoon, buys her expensive gifts, and then she asks for divorce

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from an American man, whom we’ll call “Brad.” He met a Moroccan woman who lived in the U.K. We’ll call her “Fatima.”

Fatima and I had unforgettable memories, which would be the base of any marriage. We laughed, we joked, we traveled, we spent so much time together.

I took her with me to Morocco with our group going to Casablanca because I really liked her and wanted to spend time with her. We enjoyed lots of moments together, and she helped me with business, religion, and talked about all areas of life with me.

She was such a great friend … easy going, fun, down to earth … relaxed … and it seemed like she really wanted to be with me so much, as she was always visiting me at the hotels I stayed, inviting me out, and encouraging me to move to the UK.

I will never forget how he looked at me – I felt I was standing in front of the devil

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call Gemma, who lives in England. Names have been changed.

In August 2015 I was contacted on one of the pen pal websites by a guy named Brad, from a village in Michigan. Brad is a 35 year old veteran who works part time as a mechanic. He is also a village council trustee, with ambitions to become a village president one day.

We started talking on a daily basis, He was very charming and entertaining and seemed very reliable, always responding to my messages almost instantly.

Brad told me that he was married for the second time and his wife was pregnant. He said that although his current wife was better than the first one, he wasn’t happy and has been thinking about divorce for some time. In fact he got married to her because “there was nothing better available.”

I had $100,000 ready to be put into his hands

Spath TalesLovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Genevieve.”

I connected with a boyfriend I was engaged to when I was 17. We knew each other since we were about 11.

He called me after his 2nd marriage broke apart. I was married (and still am), and after getting reacquainted with him, fell back in love with him.

I had no intentions of this happening, but he was filling a void. It was the honeymoon stage, the reminiscing from our teen years, and everything I thought we had in common.

I always suspected he had another woman and confronted him at least 5 times … of which he denied. He was very jealous (always was), showed ownership of me, and told me he always loved me on the first message he left me (which I saved). It could be true, since we broke up due to his family and not really us per se.

Reconnecting with my teen love, I was hooked — until he walked out

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we’ll call “JoLynn.”

I first dated my ex when I was 18. We split after 15 months but I was still in love with him many years later.

After a 22-year marriage, I found myself divorced. After a couple of casual boyfriends, I contacted my ex by carrying out an Internet search. I was just short of my 50th birthday.

He responded to my email and the relationship took off again, as if we had never been parted.

We lived about 140 miles away from each other but he soon came to see me. I was so in love, we made plans and I was told that his alcoholic wife was in the advanced stages of illnesses and would soon die.

The magic lasted well over 2 years, as we made plans and searched for a suitable house.

My sociopathic ex-husband led my son into the lion’s den

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we’ll call “Eleanor.” Names have been changed.

The sociopath is my ex-husband. We were married for 10 years, two children, girl and boy. He changed THE DAY we were married.

He has alcohol problem, cheated on me, lies. When I asked him to see marriage counselor, he told me to go by myself. I went for counseling by myself for approximately 4 months and was told, “I can either counsel you to live with him or counsel you to live without him.”

This is way before I figured out he is a sociopath, I decided this was not my idea of love. So I told ex that I was going for divorce.

He was enraged. Would not give me money for lawyer. My sister gave me money. He did not have an attorney and dictated what he would pay for child support and everything he wasn’t going to do. I accepted 50% child support.

I had to wake up to reality — psychopaths are real

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Willa.”

My Mom and sister are mean and they don’t feel guilt. They made the pain seem normal.

I finally hit bottom and had to wake up to a reality I never dreamed was true, “psychopaths are real.”

I was in a relationship for 4 years of torture. I thought he was my dream man. I thought we where going to marry. When we met, he was 35 and lived with his mom and dad. They said he was a loving son, good boy never in trouble. I never saw him drink, drugs, smoke.

He liked everything I liked. It was like my perfect twin soul mate. He did what I wanted to do. He went along with everything I wanted. Outwardly I never saw him angry at me. He never showed any feelings really. He had a poker face and I did not know it.

He asked me for money — then another woman messaged me and said he was using her for money

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Agatha.”

I started to talk to a male friend I was connected to on Facebook after I had a tough break up. He said he reached out to me because he had just gone through similar and thought he could help.

After a few weeks we started to flirt with each other. I did at first, then he went full blown. Within a week of this talk, he admitted he loved me. I did think it was soon but I felt the same.

Then he said he wanted to marry me, possibly have a child, grow old together. Said we were life partners.

I went to visit him and spent a three-day weekend with him, and he had his two young sons for the days of that weekend. So I got to know them.